Spike and the Rug Rats

The Adventures of Captain Peroxide and Deadboy

The Angel/Spike Zone of the BtVS Writer's Guild

Title:Spike and the Rug Rats

Website: (www.angelartworks.com)

Archive: (unless this says no, it goes into the archive!)

Disclaimers: (optional but wise) The characters do not belong to me but to Joss Whedon, Warner Brothers, Kuzui Enterprises.

Warnings: m/m sex, property destruction

Summary: Kate upsets Angel which upsets Spike who's got a plan to sort it out.

I am pissed. He's brooding again. He comes back this morning from some demon destroying mission after Cordelia had one of her visions and doesn't say a word. Just looks like someone stepped on his tail and didn't say "sorry." Gets that grim statement and prowls around the place like he wants to smash something.

Cordelia asks him how it went. He grunts. "It's dead." Then he gets on to the lift and goes downstairs by himself.

Cordelia and Parsley and me we exchange looks. Cordelia taps on her desk with her pencil. Parsley looks down and away toward the refrigerator like he was wondering what was giving him indigestion.

I say, "What the fuck is going on?"

They both look at me. Cordelia says, "I'm not sure, because of the non-verbal thing he has going, but ..."

I say, "But you have a theory..so lets have it, SOMEBODY. When he gets like this, then he doesn't want to play and I like to play. I don't like it when he's like this so someone has to tell me what's going on or I get to smashing things. Are you two getting me ?"

Cordelia looks at me. She's not scared. She's behind that desk with drawers full of holy water and crosses. Besides she seems to be not scared of me in general which I will have to remedy somehow, if I am going to maintain my image around here.

She says, "I could be really wrong about this. I don't want to make trouble for someone who isn't at fault, but," (another one of these annoying pauses) "if I'm right, then I'd like for once to punch this person out."

She looks at Parsley. I can tell she's pissed and from the look on his face so is he.

"OK," I say, "so we're all pissed. Peachy. Are we going to sit on our asses or are we going to do something. Tell..me..what.. the bloody hell is going on for Christ sake!"

Wesley says to Cordelia, "Are we thinking about the same person?"

She says, "I bet we are. Someone who won't give you or me the time of day? Someone who hates vampires and just barges in here whenever she feels like it?"

"I'd say we're thinking about the same person," says Parsley.

"Listen Pet," I say to the Fashion Monster in my most patient voice, "If I don't get a name in 3 seconds, these donuts go out the front door. 1,2,3 and I throw the whole friggin' box into the street."

"All right, but what if we're wrong? You aren't big on considering consequences Mr. Gets in Fights for the Fun of It.."

I come back at her," Course I'm not big on considering the sodding consequences. I don't have to be. I'm a vampire, Sweet Pea or did you forget?"

I start for the donuts slower than I have to be, to give her time to consider those consequences I mentioned. She tries to run by me and runs into me instead. My head goes off. Now I'm in fucking rage mode. Angel brooding and me with a migraine and I grab the box, throw the door open and toss the donuts out and into the face of a female human who's been standing outside in the hall.

She gets a jelly one right in the left boob under the tiny gold cross she's wearing around her neck. Cordelia must have eaten half and put it back because it was leaking red goo all over this babe's violet twin set. The chocolate frosted one is kind of runny and slides down her jeans to the ground. There's powdered sugar all over her hair. I slam the door closed in her face. I don't know her, she's a mess, and she's not coming in here while a family discussion is going on.

I look at Cordelia whose smile suddenly shows all her teeth and whose eyebrows are dancing on the ceiling. I look at Parsley who has a smirk and is trying to fight it back to sober face.

I get it. This is the bint they were talking about. Or rather not talking about. I throw the door open again. The wench is standing still but developing a change of statement from one of surprise to lethal hatred. Predictable, my Sire. She's blonde. Looks ready to slay too. She blasts past me and into the office. Marches right past Cordelia without giving her a glance and says, "Where is he?"

Cordelia says, "He's busy. Would you like to make an appointment?"

Blondie looks deadly. "Where is he?"

Cordelia says, "Do you have a warrant? Is he under arrest? Are you going to search the place? In fact, I'd like to see your ID, Off..i..CER!"

Blondie's eyes are getting wider and a little red is starting to show. "Get him up here, now."

Wesley maneuvers around between her and the door to Angel's office. "Officer Lockley, if you'll just calm down..."

Officer Lockley takes a hold of Parsley's arm and yanks him up against the back of Cordelia's computer. Bitch is strong. Parsley's skinny, but he's tall, so she must be able to lift a pound or two. I take her measure. I can't hit her, but I just bet I can .... Bleeding cheek barging in here.

I say, "Thank god, the police are here. Officer, these people have been cheating me out of my fee. They haven't helped me and I want my money back. "

She lets go of Parsley and whips around. Parsley takes that moment to slip through the door and lock it so she can't get in to Angel's office. Plus he's safer behind it. She eyes me. I can tell she wants to buy it, wants to get something she can use.

She folds her arms, jogs herself back on one foot and tosses her hair. "Yeah?" Man this bitch is mean.

I say in my most charming voice, "Yes, Officer, we had a contract. If they couldn't help me in 3 days, I could have my money back. It's been 3 days and 3 hours and nothing's happened. I'm afraid to go out. I'm afraid for my life. They aren't doing anything as far as I can see. I'm being stalked. I'd like to complain."

She's going for it. Humans are idiots when they want something bad enough. She's careful though.

She looks down her nose at me and says, "What brought you to Angel Investigations instead of the police in the first place?"

I put on my most innocent voice. "A friend told me they helped him when he had some trouble. You know I'm a celebrity, a rock star from the British Isles. Don't know me way around the likes of a city like this, Mum. We need to keep a low profile, if you know what I'm saying, Mum."

She squinches up her eyes and hugs herself tighter. Cordelia is looking at me with gleefully suspicious eyes that say she's ready for Whatever.

Officer Chippie says, " Come downtown and make a statement. If someone complains, maybe others will come forward."

I say fine. I can come after my rehearsal, about 10 o'clock tonight. She says she'll expect me. She walks past me to the outer door eyes never leaving mine. Probably likes blue eyes. Women have a hard time resisting them. She opens the door and stalks out slamming it behind her.

Parsley opens the inner door and looks at Cordelia. She looks at me and says, "Now what?"

I say, "Where does Officer Marple live?"

Cordelia smiles and looks at her computer. Clicks a few keys. "Got it ." She makes a note on her pad.

"Here's the address. I'm coming with you. Come on Wesley."

I say I'm going downstairs first to check on the Ponce, get a blanket and then I'll meet them in the back where we can get me into the car in the shade.

I take the elevator down. Broody Butt is sitting in an armchair in the book room, reading. I go in , walk around behind him and give him a soft smack on the top of his fluffy head. He looks up and back at me. I lean over and kiss his mouth. My tongue slips inside, but I can tell he isn't totally with me.

Suddenly he lets go the book and reaches up, takes me by the back of the neck and pulls me down over him into his lap. "Sorry," he says and wraps me to him. I get myself straightened around.

"S all right Mate. Bet you're not gonna go into whatever it is with me though. Am I right?" His eyes go soft. "You're right; it's not important. It's just that I know someone who's having trouble with the idea that vampires exist and even more trouble trusting one. It'll be all right. It's just a matter of time."

I cock my head and look at him. That bitch? Just bet it will be all right. Always willing to give humans the benefit of the doubt is my guy. I grin at him. "Course it will be OK, Pet."

We snuggle for a moment. I kiss him again and tell him I'm going out into the tunnels for awhile. He frowns, doesn't like his Poopsie going where there might be danger to my marble ass. I tell him I need the sewer air and that Cordelia and Parsley went to lunch. He doesn't like it when there's nobody to answer the phone either, so he looks annoyed. I tell him they went for take out and the machine's on. He mutters something about talking to people instead of machines. I make what is this world coming to noises and peel off his lap with a quick peck on that sensitive spot on the bridge of his nose between his eyes. I get a small grin out of him.

Then after a quick stop in the kitchen for a shopping bag, I'm in the tunnels on the way to the car. I do a slight detour first to a spot I know and make a pick up then come up into the alley just as Cordelia and Parsley turn the car in. I jump in and pull the blanket over me.

Cordelia drives off. I can hear the seat squeak as Parsley turns around and speaks to the blanket in a casual oh bye the bye sort of tone. "Any chance, Spike, that you have a plan?"

What is with the always worrying about plans crap? Can't they for once just let things develop? "If I had a plan would I tell you? You'd only muck it up."

Parsley snorts. I can feel them exchanging looks in the front seat.

I tell Cordelia to just drive. We drive. If I was human I'd be car sick under this blanket the way she keeps switching lanes.

Lover Boy is going to wonder why Cordelia and Parsley don't come back with the take out. We need to do this fast. I raise the blanket and look out. A blast of sunshine sends me back under. Not known for my patience, folks.

Finally Cordelia finds the street and pulls into the parking garage. I crawl out. The parking garage is pretty well enclosed. All I have to do is get into the building. I tell the daring duo to wait for me then I find a door that looks promising. Half way through it I see a security desk with a guard. No good. I look around for a sewer entrance. Lower parking level. It takes me into the boiler room; from there I pick my way upstairs and past the first floor security desk. Then I work my way up to the ninth floor and end up in front of apartment 14D. The problem is there's nobody home to invite yours truly in, but, if all goes well and I get the lock picked, it won't matter.

I take Angel's credit card and stick it in between the latch and the door jam, wiggle it a little and then turn the knob. It pops open. I reach into the paper bag I got from the kitchen and pull out a couple of items I picked up on my way to the car. I set them down on the door step and give one of them a pat on the arse. It runs into the apartment, the other one right behind and I close the door again. Phew. Did it.

Now wait till K-K-K-Katie gets home. I get back down the stairs and out through the boiler room and back up through the garage to the car. Cordelia and Parsley are busting to know what happened. All I tell them as I dive under the blanket is that everything will be all right now.

We make it back faster even with a stop at Burger King. Cordelia is famous for long lunches so Angel won't be too suspicious. I go in through the tunnels like I've just been for a nice long walk.

Angel is napping on the couch. He has that quiet, soft look I want to smack into with a big wet kiss. I know he's awake though, probably heard me coming 75 feet away.

He's pretending to be asleep. So I don't kiss him. I walk past him quietly and head for the bedroom. I take off the duster, then the T shirt, then the Docs and then the pants. By the time I get the pants off he's standing behind me.

"Good detecting, Detective."

"What are you doing?"

"The degree of local brooding."

"Of course not, Love."

"What makes you think I'm brooding?"

"Crikey, is it that furrowed brow, the purposeful pacing, the more cryptic than cryptic itself? Something like that?"

"Oh, right, shut up Spike. Then just what is that Spike is supposed to do after he shuts up?"

"Do I have to spell it out?"

"I want to know whether we are in for an all out shag or a round of clever banter, or maybe a nap. The parameters, you know."

Uh oh, he turns around and walks away into the kitchen. I follow him.

He stands facing the sink and leans on the counter head down. I ease in behind him and put my forehead against his back. He relaxes a little and turns around.

I brush my thumb across his lips and say, "Come on Pet, everything will be all right. Everybody doesn't have to like you. Long as I do you're in good shape. "

He puts his arms around me and buries his head on my shoulder. We stand there for a bit.

Then he starts to kiss my neck, licks me gently, and I tilt my head to one side to give him access.

He bites down hard and my insides turn to liquid and my knees start to go. He lifts me from around my waist, never letting go with his teeth and carries me into the bedroom. We fall down on the bed together and lie there till he has enough.

He pulls away and begins to unbutton his shirt. I take over and finish it and we get the shirt off him. I loosen his belt and he lifts up so I can pull his pants down and over his bare feet. He doesn't get it that I die a bit when he wears clothes and walks around the place barefoot. I love his feet, his sexy, smooth, long feet with the perfect toes that fit together like a box of sugar cookies packed side by side. So now I slide the pants down and over them and stroke the tops. He wraps his leg around my thighs and we roll over until he is on top.

He begins kissing me slow and deep like I was the only thing in the universe he's ever needed. I press up against him and hold him tight. He slides his hands down my upper arms and then to my wrists and pulls them together into one of his large hands and holds them tight against my belly. With the other arm he lifts me and presses himself between my legs. I am trapped as he pushes against my opening.

Somehow he's found the jar of lubricant and he uses it to slide his fingers in and out till I am a helpless gob of mush and then my brains seep out onto the sheets as he enters me. He moves slowly at first still holding my wrists and bends down to my mouth and takes me with his tongue. His other hand grips my cock and works it until I want to scream. There is nothing else in the whole fucking world but him. He fills my head, my mouth, my body until it feels like there's no more me, like I'm filtering out into the universe and the galaxies are all shiny. My cock is granite hard in his hand and I'm ready to cum. He senses this and moves faster and deeper. His tongue stabs me and I feel razor sharp teeth tear into my lips.

I open my eyes and meet his, yellow, feral, and glowing. I feel my balls contract and my orgasm slams into his belly and then he cums and floods my insides. It feels like white chocolate flowing through me. He makes that big cat coughing snarl, lets my wrists go, wraps his arms around me and tries his best to crush me. I lay still and smile. He doesn't see this, but I am thinking that if he's this good when he's brooding, then wait till later after we're done with Miss Krupke.

"Feeling better, Peaches?"

"Better, " he mutters into my ear. He doesn't stop crushing me though. I hate that Bitch. Here I am, all he needs, the best fuck on the planet, charming companionship and he's upset because some lady cop was rude to him.

Well we'll see about this.

I push him off and on to his back. I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. He says, "Wait, I want to explain." I look back at him over my shoulder and frown.

He looks anxious. Bleedin' Hell. "What?" I say.

"I know this detective. Her name is Kate Lockley. She liked me and we worked together a little till she found out about me. It was the way she found out I guess that set her off. Then her father was killed by vampires. Ever since, she's been full of rage. It's bad because she's a good cop and because I need someone on the force at times. Besides, she's a good person. Really wants to do the right thing."

"Miss Protect and Serve?"

"She's dedicated, Spike. That matters to me."

"Oh, right, Mate. Well, maybe I'll meet her some time, seduce her, shag her up a bit. Then I'll put in a good word for you."

" Well , it might work. You are pretty irresistible." He grins finally.

Phew. Getting this souled idiot to smile is sometimes hours in the doing. He strokes my back with his knuckles and I shiver. I face forward so he can't see the big evil grin I'm wearing. Got a problem though. She's probably gone off shift for dinner. Take her a few minutes to get home, if she goes home.

Got to keep the Ponce busy till then.

"Put the coffee on, Pet?" He rolls out of bed and heads obediently for the kitchen alluring ass following close behind his alluring back with that fluffy mussed up head of soft brown hair..

Which is when I grab my pants and pull them on before my cock starts in again.

Calm down. Pay attention. Think about something else. Demon slime, cigarette butts. Good. Settling down now. I go into the bathroom and bang his stuff around awhile to annoy him. I smell the coffee and go out. I turn the TV on to the A-team marathon.

He stands at the kitchen counter and looks long suffering as he drinks his coffee. I can't handle Puppy Face and naked at the same time without pouncing on him, so I go back into the bedroom and grab my shirt, pull it on over my head, locate the cigs and saunter back out. I am hoping he decides to get dressed. I think about the demon slime again. Then I think about Harmony. My cock lies right down and behaves.

I open his liquor cabinet and pull out the JD. Then I flop down on the couch, light a cigarette and pretend to watch B.A. Barakas rig a shopping cart to explode on impact with Colonel Decker's jeep. I hear Angel sigh. He's wondering why he had to make coffee if I wasn't going to have any.

"Don't you want any coffee?"

"Oh, forgot. Here, it's the A-team marathon. Remember, told you about it this morning. Come on and watch with me." Puppy face morphs into look-what-I-have-to-put-up-with face and he heads for the bedroom to get dressed, alluring ass and back receding away from me again and I think Harmony, Harm Harm Harm Harm Harm. Doesn't work quite as well this time. Have to keep my dick quiet though. Wouldn't do to be shagging when CopLady shows up. Need to have the Pouf ready to go out and get noble.

He putzes around in the bedroom for a bit, probably straightening up, dusting or some anal retentive thing he does when he's pissed at my ass. I hear Cordelia upstairs arguing with Parsley about something.

A.A. comes back in dressed except for shoes. Damn, why can't he put his shoes on? I do not look at those feet.

He picks up a CD, opens it, slips it in the slot, and puts on the head phones. He sits down on the other end of the couch, crosses his arms and closes his eyes. The cover of the CD shows me it's Tartini. Good. Angelus is asserting himself. I need that sucker to distract Angel a little right now.

He pretends to listen for awhile, pointedly showing me we can share time together even though we're not interested in the same entertainment. Reads those damn relationship- hand outs the psychologist upstairs over the dentist leaves around. OK so I read them too. I hear the door open upstairs and my ears prick up.

I hear Cordelia say something like, "What, back with a warrant?"

I poke Angel with my toe and he opens one eye. I lean forward and remove his head phones.

"Someone's here." I say. We listen.

A voice mumbles a response to Cordelia and it isn't Parsley.

Cordelia says, "He's downstairs. I'll get him. No, you stay here. I'll see if he wants to talk to you." The door above opens and Cordelia tip toes down the stairs.

She's cool. She sees me, but looks past me at Angel, and says, "Cop Lady's here. Want me to tell her to go take a nap in the passing lane on La Cienega at noon?"

"Her name is Kate, and no, I'm coming up."

He gets to his feet. Looks at me. I don't look at him, but I arrange my face to read "Just when we were settling down for a nice evening, you have to go to work."

He walks past me an' up the stairs looking irritated. I scoot off the couch, down the stairs, up into the hall and peak in the window to the office. Can't let her see me cause she's still expecting me to come down to the station after my rock rehearsal to complain about the slackness of this seedy detective agency. She is standing in the middle of the office, hands on hips, now dressed in a denim shirt and jeans. She looks unsettled, like her expectations for the evening have been crashed. She gnaws on her lower lip. Angel comes in and looks at her curiously.

"Kate. Can we help you?"

"Look, I wouldn't come here, except..."

"What, what is it?" Does he have to be so bleedin' nice to the silly bitch?

"Officer Lockley, may we be of assistance?" says Parsley, playing it up.

She doesn't even look at him. Snot.

"Kate?" the Ponce says encouragingly.

"I've had a break in."

"Yes, someone got into my apartment, went through my stuff, messed up the kitchen and I don't know who it was."

"Well, where are the cops when you need them?"

"Cordelia, please. Why come to us, Kate?"

"I...I...don't think it was human...and, I think it's... still in the... apartment."

"What makes you think it's not human, if we may ask?" says Parsley.

"Because," she says, "nothing is actually missing. I hear rustling in corners and behind chairs, and I see movement, but only in my peripheral vision."

Angel looks at Parsley who has pursed his lips and pulled his cheeks in trying not to giggle. Angel doesn't notice this because he is busy transforming into Captain America in order to rescue the Princess of Snot and prove to her he's ok even though she knows he's an Evil Thing himself, a blood drinker, a murderer, and a sadist, who needs a good staking in her humble opinion thank you very much.

He says, "We better go see what this is. Wesley, you come with me, you may be able to identify it. Cordelia, tell Spike where we are. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Cordelia jumps up. "Oh, no. I'm going too. You're not leaving me with him."

She grabs her coat off the hook. He doesn't argue. Probably thinks it is risky leaving the two of us together. I duck back down the stairs and into the apartment. I flop down in front of the TV, but I can't watch it.

I get up, grab my duster and head downtown. In the station I ask for Officer Lockley and tell the desk sergeant that I want to make out a complaint against a private detective agency, but I won't speak to anyone but Officer Kate Lockley who I talked to this morning and she told me to meet her here tonight and where is she? That's the trouble with you cops, you act like you want to help, but then you aren't there. You don't really care about us little people. He gets annoyed and does the calm down buddy routine tapping his pencil and leaning across the desk like a big powerful policeman.

I tell him to tell Officer Lockley I was here and that everyone knows the cops don't really care and I stomp out. I've got him so smegged out that he forgets to get my name, but I'm long gone. He'll describe me, she'll remember and then she'll get mad. I'm looking to make her day without her making me. I jump into the DeSoto and peel over to her block. I park outside her apartment house far enough away from the Bonneville which is sitting out front, but where I can see the lights in 14D on the ninth floor. Shadows are walking back and forth investigating the situation.

Pretty soon I see Parsley coming out the lobby door. He stops and looks around. I get out of the car and wave and he comes down the walk, hops over the chrysanthemums, and jogs across the lawn to where I'm waiting. He has this enormous grin all over his puss.

"You should be up there, " he says. You should see this."

"Get on with it Mate," I say.

"First of all there's sugar everywhere. Maple syrup over the entire kitchen, something on the recliner that looks like chewed up strawberry cookie wafers soaked in honey. Her underwear is arranged in the top bureau drawer like a nest and it's full of peanuts and sunflower seeds and vanilla wafer crumbs. The bathroom is entirely wet. The tub overflowed and the manager is up there trying to mop up. Most of the books are out of the bookcase and all over the floor. She must have had cinnamon rolls in the freezer, but they were stuffed in the microwave and melted. They're seeping out onto the counter and there's goo all over her mail. She had flowers in a vase on the coffee table. The blossoms are all over the place, and the vase itself is tipped over. The table is all white water stains."

"Sounds good so far. What else?"

"I have to go back up. Angel sent me down to get the cell phone to call you because her phones are all stuck up with ice cream and...oh, she must have had frozen strawberries, because there is red, lumpy strawberry smelling sludge all over the bed."

"Well," I say. "You tell Angel you talked to me and that I said to be careful. Tell him from me to bring his gorgeous ass home safe."

"Do I have to say the gorgeous ass part?"

"Absolutely. He won't believe you talked to me if you don't."

"True." says Wesley "Going well, Spike. He's feeling helpful and she's letting him rescue her. It's a mess, but it will clean up eventually. What she hasn't thought of is that she's invited him in."

"My, my. Wait till tomorrow when she does think of it." We both grin. Comrades in dirty tricks. I am feeling funny. Could it be I actually might think Wesley is a decent bloke? The thought could turn my insides to bile, if I had bile.

I get back into the DeSoto and watch the windows again. Wesley goes back up. I see more shadows walking back and forth. Thorough detecting takes awhile sometimes. I am starting to get bored. Wonder what kind of car Kate drives? I look around and see a police cruiser parked in a numbered apartment space. Aha. I get out and walk over. Let the air out of the tires? Prosaic. Key the sides. Common. I go over to the Bonneville. It's locked, but I can see Cordelia's coat inside. I find the small nail I keep to pick locks with and pretty soon I have it open. Sure enough, inside the coat pockets are a selection of lipsticks. I take them all over to the cruiser. Later I walk back over to the DeSoto, lean against it, smoke a cig, and admire my work. It wasn't easy creating contrast with four tones of red, but I did it. Looks like an advert for pepperoni pizza with extra tomato sauce, red peppers, and pink frosting.

Pleasant here in the streetlights, everything going according to plan. The Big Bad has a plan that works out? To be honest I've had a lot that didn't work out in the past few years. Got to be problems, something nags me. I look down at my right hand. Bloody Hell. The lipstick. Cordelia is going to be so pissed. Then I think, so what if she is? I should care? Um, I should if I want my ass in tact to celebrate the end of this evening's demon hunt.

I go back over to the Bonneville and refold the coat, just exactly like it was (I hope) before I took the lipstick out of it. Then I lock the car and chuck the lipstick in the dumpster across the street at the hot dog stand. This all makes me a little nervous still. Cordelia has this steel vault memory. She'll miss the stuff.

But I go back and sit in the DeSoto again. I am getting tired of waiting. I start up the car and drive off back to the office. In the tunnels I look around in the spot I visited this morning. Chaos. Momma is in a tizzy. She spies me and magicks into something she thinks looks like a toothy alien worm.

She rears her ugly bod upright. "Whhhherre are my childdddreeennn you moron." She hisses. "Just borrowed them a bit, Love. They'll be home soon. First time they spent the night at somebody else's house?"

"Give them to meeeee," she spits.

" They're having a good time, you know."

"I want them back by Midnight or I'll killlllll the woman."

"Can't think of anything more creative? Besides she wouldn't taste good--all jelly donuts and sun block. Skinny too. You can come up with a better threat than that."

"I'll tear your throat out and tie your entrails in a knot and skewer you with my tail."

"Still a little cliched. But, I'll go bring the rug rats home, if it will make you feel better."

"Nnnnooowww!" She screams.

I hate all this running around when I should be wound around my lover soaking up his smell and licking him all over, etc. But it's hard to shag him totally effectively when he's brooding. Much more work anyway, and it would be nice to have some non-brooding time together in the next few days. I like him best when he's all curled around me with a little satisfied smile drifting across his gob. Have to do chores like this to get it there, but it's definitely worth it.

I pull up outside the apartment house. Cordelia is standing outside shivering because she left the keys to the Bonneville upstairs and she doesn't have her coat. She's looking up and down the street. She sees me.

I double park and she runs over. "Angel caught them, " she says. "He found them inside a shoe box in the back of her closet. They are actually cute in a dusty, sticky sort of way."

"What is he doing with them?"

"He put them in a grocery bag. He's on his way down now, so you better clear out."

"I need them. Momma is unhappy."

"When we get back, I'll bring them down."

"Don't let them get away."

Back on the couch again. They come in all happy and triumphant. Fought the good fight and saved the stuck up distressed damsel. All three come down on the lift. Cordelia has the bag. It looks like sweet and sour sauce is leaking from it.

She hands it to me carefully. Angel looks composed. He leans over the couch and kisses me gently, happily. I say, "Good detecting, Pet?"

He says, "Yeah, and I think I got back in Kate's good graces at least for now."

"Tell me all," I say looking around him at the C and W show.

Wesley waves and they head back to the lift. She hasn't missed the lipstick yet. "What's in the bag?" I say. He takes it from me and opens it.

I hear rustling and slurping from inside. Flickering lights pop out over the top and tiny bits of dust flicker in the air. He reaches in and there's a squeaking and he pulls one of them out. It sits on his hand and looks at him with it's tiny eyes and long lashes, whole body covered with melted cherry cordial. It's to young to magick, but it's feisty. It squinches up it's face and shrieks, "Mamaaaaaa.!"

"Here," I say, "I'll get rid of 'em in the tunnel Lots of their kind around."

"Don't fret, Precious. Uncle Spike will handle the kiddies."

"I take the bag and go out into the tunnel. Mama is stamping around in a fury. I set the bag in front of her and she burrows into it. Lots of squeaking and fussing goes on. I walk back into the apartment.

Angel is sitting on the sofa, shoes and socks off, looking at Colonel Hannibal Smith winding up another successful A-team attempt to piss on the military. He's got that soft smile he gets when he's feeling imperfectly happy. He looks up at me. I look down at him. I dive onto him and knock him off the couch and we roll around growling and snarling joyously for a bit till I chomp down on his large, capacious shoulder and then, well, you get the idea.

On the telly The Colonel is grinning, cigar between two fingers. He looks out at the two of us and sums it all up neatly, "I love it when a plan comes together."