Diamond Tears

Spike continued to swear softly to himself around his finger as he sucked on it, trying to ease the burning. Fifty-nine years. Fifty-nine years since Drusilla had left him.

He'd left Sunnydale, tracked her down, tied her up and tortured her - and his planned had worked out nicely. If it hadn't been for that friggin' chaos demon. It turned out, the demon wasn't about to let 'his' woman go that easy, so he'd started following the vampire couple, sending Drusilla flowers, asking her out, showing off for her - and it had worked.

Drusilla had tied Spike up while he was sleeping, and then told him that she was leaving with her beloved chaos demon. When he finally got free from the chains, he was nearly starved to death, and it had taken him several days to fully recover. Then he'd started searching. He'd spent the last fifty-nine years searching for her, and he still hadn't found her.

The peroxide-blonde currently stood in the middle of a cemetery in France, after following yet another dead end in his search for his black queen. There were rumors going around amongst the vampires in Paris that an insane vampiress had arrived to the city a few years ago and that they were living in a crypt in this cemetery - but it was wrong. As usual. All Spike had found was a dark, dust-filled crypt and a cross which had burned his hand when he accidentally touched it.

Sighing, he made his way out of the crypt and into the fresh night air. He'd searched for so long, but he never gave up hope. If Drusilla had died, somehow he would know instantly - it was a gut feeling he just had. But even though he knew she was alive, he had no idea where she was.

All of his minions were starting to get tired of traveling so much, but they never complained, having learned to follow their Master's every little wink. And it was one of those minions that at this moment came running towards him, looking very excited. "Master William! Master William!"

Thomas reached his Master and had to take a few seconds to catch his breath, despite it being unnecessary. "Drusilla," he gasped out between his pants. "She was spotted in London only a few nights ago. It was her for sure! We can be there in less than a week if we leave tonight."

All rational thinking fled Spike's mind as a love that never had disappeared or weakened warmed his dead heart. "Get all the minions," he ordered immediately. "Tell them to pack up everything. We'll leave in one hour. If they aren't ready by then, I'll have their heads."

Spike watched him go, before a slow smile spread across his face. He'd never been so close to finding Drusilla ever before. This was the first time it was 100% sure it was her - the other times, the description of the vampiress had only been "dark-haired" or "insane" and he'd just assumed.

"Well, good to be back in London," Spike commented, taking a deep drag of his cigarette. He and ten of his most trusted minions were standing on the top of a hill just outside of London, watching the lights of the city in the distance. Turning to the minions, he crushed out his cigarette and gave them a slight nod. "Search the city. Not one inch of the sewers are to be missed. Not one alley, not one house. Find her."

The minions all gave him a slight nod in approval, before they scurried off to begin their tasks. Spike watched them go for a few minutes before turning back to look at the town. He had a gut feeling. Drusilla was here. He could just feel it. He had to find her, now.

Giving the town one final look, he turned and started down from the hill to join his minions on the search through the city. The world hadn't changed much the past half century. People were still driving in cars. There were still telephones and fast food. The only really big difference Spike noticed was that all the cities had grown - a lot. London was no exception. It felt strange to be in a town that was practically a tiny village when Spike was human, compared to what it was now - a huge city, bigger than New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco put together, the way they were in the 90's when Dru had left him.

Walking through the streets, Spike watched the people out and about with the eyes of a predator, seeking his prey. Some people didn't even notice him, while others became aware of the predatory look he was giving them and the waves of death radiating off him. Those who noticed hurried home and stayed indoors. And Spike was highly amused by it.

Speeding up, Spike started to run towards the corner into the alley Drusilla had disappeared, his dead heart actually beating once or twice in his chest. His dark queen. His love. His princess. It had to be her! It just had to!

The emotions assaulted him as all his love for Drusilla attacked him ten times as strong as they once had been, only having increased by the time apart from her, and he swallowed hard, hardly daring to hope it was her.

Speeding up even more, Spike reached the corner, sprinted around it - and ran smack, dab into someone, causing them both to tumble backwards and land roughly on their backs. Keeping his grunt of pain back, Spike immediately got his feet.

"Watch where you're going, mate!" he scoffed, brushing dirt off his duster, annoyed. Now he'd lost Drusilla for sure, all because of the idiot he'd crashed into. Whoever it was, they would make a perfect night snack for making him lose Dru.

The voice trailed off and Spike lifted his head - and gaped. The person standing in front of him couldn't possibly be who he thought it was!

Angel, whose face mirrored Spike's, could only stare. His childe was standing in front of him. His annoying, murderous childe, whom he hadn't seen in over fifty years suddenly showed up - in London, at the exact same spot as he. That was just a little too much for the dark-haired vampire to swallow. After several long moments, he finally found his tongue. "Spike! Oh my God, Spike!"

Angel fumbled with his words. "Well, I'll say," he said with a slight nod of his head. His favorite childe was the last person he'd expected to run into. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I asked first," Angel replied in a stubborn tone, reminding Spike of a five year old. "Besides, I'm your sire. You're bound to answer me when I ask."

Spike nodded. "She left me fifty-nine years ago for that chaos demon I told you about," he said, fighting the urge to duck his head as he spoke the words. It still hurt just to think about it.

"Yeah," Angel replied. "I think I vaguely remember that." A moment of silence followed, both vampires having thousands of thoughts running through their heads. "I'm here to research a prophecy," Angel finally said. "You know me. Still saving the world, and everything..."

Spike shrugged. "Nothing much," he replied. "A little of this, a little of that. Mostly searching for Dru. I think she's here in London. I thought I saw her a minute ago, but... she got lost to me when I ran into you. Literally."

"A little of this, a little of that," Angel replied, mimicking Spike's answer and shrugging his shoulders. "Mostly taking over where Buffy left off. They're all dead, now."

"How'd they die?" Spike asked. It wasn't as if he really cared, he thought, but when he first ran into his sire, he might as well pretend to care.

"Vampires killed them in 2003," Angel replied, the story seemingly having no effect on him. "They were set up, and I was too late to save them." He said it in a casual tone, but Spike knew it affected his sire more than he let on, but he decided not to say anything. He told himself he didn't care anyway, so he didn't really see the point in commenting on it.

Twisting out of Angel's grip, Spike glared angrily at him. "The hell you could! I don't want you near her! Ever again!" he exclaimed, suddenly extremely hostile towards the older vampire. The memories from the time Angel lost his soul were still etched into Spike's mind and he'd do anything to keep it from happening again.

Angel sighed and shook his head sadly, once again placing a hand on Spike's shoulder. "Spike, I'm not him," he said, sensing Spike's feelings. "I won't become him, ever again if that's what you're afraid of. My soul was anchored safely to me in 2019." He shrugged. "Besides, you know that the easiest way to find her will be to spread the reputation of me being here. If she's still the Drusilla I remember, she will probably come running."

"Come on," Angel urged, sensing the emotional debate going on in Spike. Spike's love for Drusilla told him to give it a try, but at the same time the hatred and bitter memories about his sire told him to turn it down and walk away. "Give it a try, at least."

Calling all his minions together, Spike gave them strict orders to spread the information that Angelus was in town, both among the demons and among the vampire clans - and the rumor spread like fire in dry grass.

She showed up the fourth day. Angel and Spike were together in an apartment Angel had rented, when the knock came on the door. Spike jumped to his feet and opened it to reveal Drusilla standing there. Behind her was a tall demon with between fifteen to twenty slimy antlers sticking out from his head.

"Dru," Spike squeaked out, the words catching in his throat. He could do nothing else but stare at her. His beautiful Dru. His Goddess. His Ripe Wicked Plum. She was as beautiful as ever, her pale skin still in sharp contrast to her long, raven hair and her hypnotizing, dark eyes gleaming dangerously.

At the sight of her, the love he felt for her welled up in his throat and he swallowed hard. His heart grew in his chest, pushing at the skin, and his mind whirled as he tried to find the words to tell her to stay. Tell her that he loved her, and that he'd always be with her and worship her like the Goddess she was, if she'd only come back to him. But not a squeak came out. Instead, he just remained standing there, gaping at her like an idiot.

"Spike," Drusilla crooned, giving him a coy smile, before noticing something behind him and walking gracefully past him and into the room. "My Angel. Ms. Edith told me you two boys were looking for me, so I decided to come visit."

Ignoring the chaos demon, Spike stepped in front of Drusilla and gently grabbed her hands, finally finding both his voice and the words. "Dru, please come back to me. I need you," he said, uncaring about the begging tone in his voice.

"Yes," Drusilla said, nodding. "Ms. Edith speaks of a near future filled with love for you. She's never wrong. She's always right."

"No," Spike protested, shaking his head. "I'm not in love with someone else. I love *you* and only you. Please come back to me, Dru! I need you, I'm nothing without you," he pleaded, stepping closer to Drusilla and running his fingers through her hair. She couldn't reject him, not after so many years. Not after all he'd done. She couldn't reject all his love.

His heart felt ready to burst as she shook her head again, making it clear that she wouldn't return to him. A panicked feeling washed over him, and he frantically tried to figure out what he could possibly say to make her come back to him. All he wanted was for her to return his love. They could be like they used to. They could spread death and chaos, with Spike as the king and Drusilla as his Black Queen by his side. They belonged together! He just had to make her see that!

"Spike," came Angel's warning voice from behind him, but Spike didn't care. Instead he turned to Drusilla again. She couldn't possibly mean what she said. She couldn't *not* love him. She couldn't leave him again. She couldn't! Not after fifty-nine years of searching!

But Drusilla shook her head. "No, my sweet, I see a bright love for you in the nearest future. Just trust me. The stars are also agreeing," she said, a hollow smile dancing across her face. Then she backed away and out of Spike's grasp. "This is the final goodbye, my Spike. Ms. Edith says we won't meet again."

Spike quickly reached out and grabbed Drusilla's arm. "I won't let you go again!" he said, sterner than he meant to as pain stabbed through his heart at the thought of losing his black queen for good.

He didn't get a chance to say anything else, before a giant demon paw struck him across the jaw, sending him flying across the room and into the wall, knocking him unconscious. Then he slid bonelessly down to the floor, where he stayed.

Spike slowly turned his head and managed to lift his hand to glance at the watch. "About five hours?" he asked weakly as he saw the time.

Spike's eyebrows shot up, and he intended to bolt upright, but it didn't go very well. Instead he fell back against the pillows again with a moan of pain, and he noted for the first time that he was lying in Angel's bed. "Dru...?" he croaked out, his voice hoarse, his eyes meeting Angel's.

Slowly turning onto his side, facing away from Angel he tried to clear his mind. "Leave me, Angel," he pleaded quietly, and Angel left the room without another word, closing the door silently behind him.

As soon as the quiet click of the door was heard, Spike buried his face in the pillow and cried. Drusilla had left him for good. He knew her mind like the back of his pocket. He could make her change her mind one time, but if she had decided a second time, she had reached her final decision. No matter how long he searched for her now, no matter how much he begged her, she wouldn't come back.

He'd spent over half a human lifetime searching for her, and when he finally found her, she didn't want him - because of something she thought a bloody doll had told her? A doll???

She was wrong. And Ms. Edith was wrong. They were both wrong! There was no love in Spike's future. Not without Drusilla. His dark queen who used to sing for him when he was depressed, who used to 'entertain him' in her own very special way when he was bored, who used to wreak havoc on mortal people's lives with him. His princess who used to dance with him when the stars were out. His Ripe Wicked Plum was gone forever. And she was never coming back to him.

Angel looked up from the newspaper he was reading, when he sensed his childe's presence, and saw Spike standing by the stairs, looking at him. "You're up!"

Angel stood up and walked over to Spike, gesturing towards the kitchen. "Not much," he said. "But I've got some pig's blood in the freezer which I can warm up in th-"

"Forget that I even asked!" Spike said, grimacing and spinning on his heel. He headed for the door at a brisk pace, grabbing his duster, which was thrown over a chair, on the way. "No fucking way if I'm gonna eat pig's blood!"

"I'm going to grab dinner! What did you think???" was the snarling answer the dark-haired vampire got before the door slammed shut.

Angel's hands landed on his hips as he sighed and shook his head. He'd met this Spike before. Whenever Spike felt really, really sad about something in the past, he'd hide it by becoming a real bastard of dimensions, his mood swings a serious threat to everything and everybody who annoyed him.

Spike didn't turn around when he heard Angel's voice behind him, escorted by the quiet sound of footsteps approaching. He was standing on top of a tall building and was looking at the Thames.

The dark-haired vampire's sentence ended in an 'Omph' and a moan as his childe suddenly spun around, backhanding him across the jaw. Angel went down with a soft thud and shook his head to clear his mind from the fog. "What was that for???"

"I hate you," Spike snarled, pointing at Angel with his cigarette. "You're the one who split us up in the first place! You're the reason she first rejected me and caused all this mess! Just because you couldn't keep your hands off the bloody Slayer and just *had* to fuck her! She probably wasn't even worth the fuck!"

A sting of pain raced through Angel's heart as Spike mentioned Buffy, and with a growl he jumped to his feet, attacking Spike and almost causing them both to tumble over the edge of the building. Both of their faces shifted and Spike grinned as they wrestled each other, dangerously close to the edge.

"That's it. Let me see how big and strong you are, Angelus," he spat out before flipping Angel over onto his back and driving his elbow down between his shoulder blades. "What's the matter? Can't take your own childe?"

Spike's words only upset Angel further, making him more angry, and with that anger came strength. Growling loudly, he rolled away from Spike's grasp, backhanding the smaller vampire across the jaw.

"Oooo," Spike quipped. "Not bad, but definitely not good! God, listen to me! I must sound like Buffy after you'd screwed her!"

Another growl escaped from Angel's chest as pain exploded in his heart, tears coming to his eyes, and he raised a leg, his boot catching Spike's jaw, causing the blonde's head to snap upwards. Then he hit Spike twice across the face - and flipped him over the edge.

Just as he flipped Spike over the edge of the building, his mind processed his actions and with a speed only a vampire could have, his hand snaked out and gripped Spike's wrist, keeping him from falling to the ground so far underneath them at the last second.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," Angel said, taking a deep, unneeded breath and reaching out his other hand. "I am so sorry! Just grab my hand!"

"Grab my hand, Spike," Angel urged, not understanding why his childe didn't do what he was told to do. That's when Spike lifted his head and said what almost made Angel drop him in surprise.

The words were spoken quietly and were barely audible over the sounds of London's night life; the cars, the busses, the wind blowing and the faint sounds of people chatting about. But Angel had heard him loud and clear.

Then his mind processed fully what Spike meant and he shook his head. And instead of letting go, he managed, with lots of effort, to stand up and pull Spike back up onto the roof. When he had gotten Spike away from the edge, they both sat down, Spike keeping his head bowed and facing away from Angel.

"You wanted me to flip you over," Angel said after some moments of silence. It wasn't a question, it was a statement he was waiting to get confirmed.

Angel swallowed hard before bringing up his hand and using his index finger to turn Spike's chin up and around so they were facing each other. "Dru...," he said quietly, easily reading the enormous amount of pain in Spike's eyes and feeling the sorrow that filled every pore of Spike's body.

Dru. That one word caused Spike's eyes to fill with tears, and Angel didn't hesitate for a second; Letting go of Spike's chin, he placed both his arms around his childe, hugging him tightly and allowing him to seek comfort in his sire's embrace. If he didn't know it would hurt Spike even more, he would have hunted Drusilla down and killed her for hurting Spike like this, but what good would that do? Nothing.

Finally the two pulled apart, and Angel barely got a glimpse of Spike wiping away a tear before the blonde vampire got to his feet. "Let's go home," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Okay," Angel said quietly, getting to his feet as well. As they started to walk towards the stairs, he made his decision. "Spike, if you want to feed, I can wait while you-"

"Thank you," he said, watching Spike who was walking slowly, glaring at his feet. Finally, Spike raised his head and met his eyes dead on.

When they got back to the apartment Angel helped Spike warm up two packs of pigs blood and watched him feed in silence. When Spike was finished, he walked into the living room and slumped down in the couch, turning on the TV and absently flipped through the few channels there were.

Angel stood in the doorway and watched him, but Spike didn't give him a glance. Finally, Angel went over to Spike and sat down on the couch next to him, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "Want to talk about it?" he asked.

Angel couldn't help but arch a brow. "And here I thought you were the annoying one of our duo," he said, but his childe didn't answer him. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?" Angel asked again after another moment of silence, save for the sounds coming from the TV.

Spike shifted uncomfortably in the couch. He didn't want to talk about it. He wanted to be left alone so he could either kill himself or spend the rest of his unlife brooding and feeling sorry for himself. He wanted his sire to go away. He wanted his sire to stop sticking his nose in *his* business. He wanted his sire to take the blame for what happened between him and Drusilla. He wanted his sire to give him a reason to kill him.

Angel had turned his head and was now studying Spike's face, and Spike met his eyes for a brief second before turning the TV off and standing up. "I better get some sleep. I don't have the time to leave now before the sun will be up, but I'm outta here right after sunset tomorrow."

Angel watched Spike walk out of the room, but just before the door to his bedroom closed, he heard the younger vampire whisper a hoarse "Goodnight."

He didn't say anything, but he had felt exactly what his childe wanted. The dark-haired vampire didn't know if it was the bond between him and his childe, or if it was simply the fact that he was too close to Spike and knew him so well that made him able to sense the blonde's feelings and thoughts, but it didn't really matter. All he knew was that he could feel his childe was hurting.

He had felt the emotions that ran through him, and he had felt his need to be held and comforted. He himself knew first hand how painful love could be - after all he'd gone through it too - and he didn't want Spike to suffer the way he did.

But Angel had kept himself from placing his arms around the younger vampire for two simple reasons; Spike's pride would not accept it, and the demon would have pushed him away immediately or maybe even attacked him. And Angel knew that since he was now soul-filled and brooding, he wouldn't have the right to comfort Spike as his childe.

Inside Spike's bedroom, Spike was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He'd lit a cigarette and was watching the smoke as it slowly crept towards the ceiling in circles and curls. His mind was racing. He couldn't understand why he had felt like hugging Angel and he certainly couldn't understand why he wasn't crying his eyes out. Drusilla's betrayal had torn a huge hole in his heart and he felt like killing himself - but he wasn't crying, not anymore.

Taking another drag of his cigarette before crushing it out towards the wall, Spike growled softly, mentally yelling at himself for everything that had gone wrong the past six hours. Drusilla had a wrong vision. She had left him. He'd tried to off himself. He'd let Angel hug him. He'd hugged him back. He'd cried on Angel's shoulder. He'd felt better afterwards. He'd felt like hugging Angel again. And he didn't cry.

Deciding that sleep and a vicious kill was what he needed, Spike turned over and shut his eyes, soon drifting away and into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Spike groaned as a sharp light hit his face, and he opened his eyes to see Angel standing above him with a flashlight in his hand. "Come on," his sire urged, giving Spike's shoulder a push as the blonde vampire tried to pull the covers up above his head. "I thought you were going to leave tonight? You won't make it if you're going to sleep until dawn!"

Remembering that he was supposed to leave, Spike pushed the covers aside with a sigh and reached over to grab his pants off a nearby chair. "Why are you all chipper?" he mumbled, sleep still weighting heavily on him. "Are you that eager to get rid of me?"

Angel shook his head, hoping his plan to improve Spike's mood and possibly repair some of his broken heart would work. "Nope," he replied, placing the flashlight at the night-stand. "But *you* are going to go with me to watch a movie before you go, and that movie starts in forty-five minutes." He gave Spike's boxer-clad ass a pat as the blonde vampire rose from the bed. "So get your ass in gear!"

Spike nodded and started to pull on his jeans, when he stopped half-way in the movement, his mind processing his sire's words. "I'm gonna go with you to *what*?"

"You," Angel said, making a big show out of stretching the word out as he pointed to Spike, "are gonna go with me," he pointed to himself, "to watch a movie."

Spike grunted. "Not bloody likely," he spat out, not willing to admit that he actually would like to be around his sire for a while.

Feeling Spike's emotions, Angel hid the smirk that threatened to surface and nodded. "Absolutely," he insisted. "I'm all scared of the dark and there's no way I'm gonna go see Three To Four all by myself."

Spike fell silent as he pulled on his jeans, debating with himself what to do. On one hand, he wanted to be alone, he wanted to leave and go far away and drown himself in his sorrow and broken heart. On the other hand, he longed for the security and the comfort he knew only his sire could give him.

Plus, he really wanted to see Three To Four, because he knew it was about vampires, and he liked to watch vampire movies and laugh of the many different way vampires was portrayed.

"Okay," Angel answered, cheering inside of himself. Now, he only needed an excuse to make Spike stay after the movie was done. Because the dark-haired vampire was convinced that if he managed to delay Spike's departure enough times, his childe would eventually decide to stay on his own. At least, that's what he hoped. And he knew that as long as Spike felt the need for the security only his sire, despite the soul, could offer him, Angel was likely to succeed.

"Whatcha think?" Spike asked, bouncing giddily as the two vampires made their way out of the theatre and out into the chilly night air. All thoughts of Drusilla seemed to have been temporarily forgotten and buried under the kick from the movie, and Angel was happy for his childe.

"Oh, yeah, that's right," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "You're more the...the...take-care-of-the- humans, soft movies and - and cotton candy type, right? The soft care-cotton guy."

Angel stuck his hands in the pockets of his dark coat and nodded, slightly amused by his childe's description of him. "Something like that," he said with a smirk.

Silence settled between the two vampires as they walked down the street. After several long moments, Spike finally nodded. "Okay, then. I'm off. I left my car just round the corner, so..." He shrugged, not telling Angel that he wanted to stay there, as the pain over Drusilla's departure hit his heart again. "Bye, I guess."

"Can't you stay just a little bit longer?" Angel asked quickly. "You can leave tomorrow. We can do something now. We can...get coffee. Or blood. Or how about popcorn?"

Spike tried to hold back the chuckle that escaped him, he really did, but it came anyway. "You're not trying to make me stay, are you Angelus?" he asked, seeing through Angel's plan in one British second.

"Me? Nooo," Angel said dramatically, knowing that Spike had realized already. "I'm just lonely, I guess. I'm not good at making human friends."

"Yeah, right," Spike chuckled. It felt good to smile. It felt good to have his mind off Drusilla for a little while, and it felt good to be with his sire. After some new moments of silence, Spike shrugged and looked down. "Well, maybe just a few more days," he mumbled.

The quiet words of approval were muffled by Spike's leather duster, and they were mumbled out in a very low voice, but Angel heard them anyway, and his whole face lit up in a smile brighter than Spike even thought was possible for Angel. Angel felt ridiculously happy. He felt like a hyperactive five year old. He felt like hugging Spike and telling him everything was gonna be alright. And he swore that he would not rest until the ache over Drusilla he could feel radiate from Spike's heart had disappeared.

He was just about to say something when a scream reached his sensitive ears, picked up by his vampiric hearing. Exchanging a quick look with Spike, he knew his childe had heard it as well, and two seconds later the two were running down the street at full speed, looking for the source of the scream.

As they ran, Spike came to think about why he was running. Sure, he'd heard the scream, but he didn't really want to help! It wasn't in his nature. He was a demon, a killer who drained the life out of people - and yet he was now on his way to see if he could help one of those people. The thought that he ran because Angel did had occurred to him, but he quickly dismissed it, refusing to admit even to himself how fond he really was of his sire.

Then he explained it with the desperate need for an adrenaline kick and blocked out all thinking as they rounded a corner and found the person screaming.

It was a young woman, reminding the two approaching vampires of a scared kitten as she'd curled up towards the wall in an alley, staring fearfully up at her attackers; Three vampires stalking closer to her as they grinned like madmen, much in the same way Angelus used to do when he was playing with his dinner.

Reaching the vampires first, Angel quickly launched himself into a powerful fly-kick, catching the vampire closest to him in the side, sending him flying into the two others, causing all three of them to tumble to the ground.

"Run," Angel ordered shortly to the woman, and she quickly got up, running screaming out of the alley, only pausing for a split second to stare wide-eyed at Spike's fang-filled face as they passed each other.

Not waiting to see if she made it safely out of the alley, Angel turned back to the vampires and lashed out with his foot, catching the one he'd kicked in the ribs, effectively stopping his attempt at getting back to his feet.

Just as the two other vampires got up again, Spike joined the fight, throwing himself at them and tackling them to the ground again. Being the first to get his feet safely underneath himself, Spike stood up and kicked one of the vampires in the jaw, giving the other one a hard right hook.

"Spike!" Angel said, and Spike turned at once, catching the stake his sire threw towards him with ease. Then he quickly turned back and decided to stake one of his opponents before playing a little with the other. Jumping up for another powerful kick to one of the vampires' jaw, he spun around and staked him, before stopping and allowing the other one to get to his feet.

A throbbing, aching pain in his entire body that felt as if something was trying to fight their way out from underneath his skin. The sounds of Angel fighting one of the remaining two vampires were slowly tuned out, and Spike clenched his teeth together as he tried to keep himself from groaning in pain.

He was quickly brought back to reality when a hard kick hit his jaw and he fell to the ground, slightly dazed by the hard blow. Shaking his head, Spike was back up on his feet in a second and responded by giving the other vampire a powerful upper-hook, followed by a bone-crushing kick to his crotch.

Gritting his teeth and ignoring the throbbing, Spike bent over the vampire who was now crouched together in pain, cupping his crotch while making strangled noises in falsetto. He was beyond any words, and Spike quickly staked him without making any more fuzz about it.

"What was that all about?" he heard a voice behind him ask, and he turned to see Angel standing there, brushing the remains of the last vampire off his dark coat. "All of a sudden you zoned out."

Spike's behavior had confused Angel, and while fighting, he'd kept a careful eye on the blonde. He'd seen the muscles in his childe's neck as they strained, and he'd seen the tick in Spike's cheek as his jaw tightened, clearly showing something was off.

At first he'd thought it was a memory of Drusilla who suddenly came to life in Spike's brain, but now that the fight was over and he had the time to calm down he could sense that it wasn't. Something was making his childe confused - and extremely annoyed. Annoyed-Spike was not fun to be around. If he didn't care so much for his childe, Angel would have turned tails and run.

"I don't know," Spike replied, cradling his head, still holding back his groans of pain. "After I staked one of the idiot vamps, my bleedin' head started to 'urt. Then I fought the other one, and it only got worse, and now there's a whole fucking drummer's convention in my head!"

"No, not that," Angel replied, grabbing Spike's arm and starting to pull him with him out of the alley. "Come on," he said, his voice almost holding the excitement of a kid on Christmas Eve. "There's something I wanna try. Call it an experiment."

Twenty minutes later, the peroxide-blonde vampire was standing in front of a crypt in a cemetery, waiting impatiently. He was wondering what he was doing here, and he was wondering what Angel's experiment was. The pain in his head had disappeared right after the two vampires had left the alley, but Angel had wanted him to try out the experiment, anyway. Even though he really didn't want to come with his sire, Spike had followed him because it would allow his mind to think about something else than Drusilla.

For some reason, the pain in his heart had lessened a little in just the few short hours since he'd gone to bed. It was still so strong that it set his every nerve on edge, but what had changed was that now it didn't leave him with such a desperate need to sit down and cry for hours. It didn't bring out endless rows of tears over lost love, and it didn't make him feel as hollow, as useless, as...dead as it used to. For what seemed like several millenniums, the pain used to engulf him, refusing to let go of him. Now it had lessened and left him feeling extremely sad and heartbroken.

Just when Spike was considering leaving and let Angel finish his little experiment alone, a young vampire came flying backwards out through the doors of the crypt, landing in the grass before Spike.

Before either of the two even had the time to react, a furious Angel threw himself through the doors after the fledgling, grabbing the young vampire by his shirt and snarling him into the face, his game face evident. "You little prick!" Angel hissed, preparing to break the neck of the vampire who now was scared to death.

"You annoyed me!" was Angel's dry reply, before he let go of the vampire's shirt with both hands and rather taking a hold of his head and neck.

Up until that point Spike had been watching calmly, but now he couldn't stand by and watch any more. He had shared over 100 years with Angel, most of them which had been good and filled with laughter and happy memories, but he'd also seen and experienced first hand how unpleasant his sire could be when he was in a foul mood. And even with his soul, Spike didn't trust the older vampire to always stay in full control of himself, and nobody deserved to get to feel his anger on their body.

Quickly taking a step forward, Spike scowled at Angel, shoving him roughly off the younger vampire. "Hey, give it up, poofhead!" he said sharply, before giving the fledgling a light push. "Get lost."

The vampire didn't have to be told twice, and was gone in a second. Spike watched him until his back disappeared in the darkness before turning to his sire. "What the fuck is your problem?"

Angel shrugged, his anger having vanished. "I needed him for the experiment," he said. Then he paused before adding, "And he annoyed me."

Spike just shook his head, scowling once more at Angel before the two vampires headed out of the cemetery. As they reached the street again, Angel walked into a human man who was obviously in a hurry. "Hey, watch where you're going," he snapped.

"Yeah, you better be!" Angel snapped again, blocking him as he tried to pass. "You don't just walk into people like that without apologizing properly!" Then he grabbed the man by his neck and squeezed hard. "Things like that annoy me! In fact, it pisses me off!"

Spike watched, a confused and shocked frown on his face. Either his sire had been possessed while he was in that crypt, or he'd lost his soul again. That was the only possible explanations he could come up with to why his sire suddenly was acting like a bastard. Although he didn't really want to fight Angel, no matter what it was. Still he felt the need to help the terrified man in Angel's grasp.

Ignoring it, Spike managed to shove Angel away from the man who immediately ran away, but then the blonde vampire squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. "Bloody hell!"

Biting his teeth together Spike could only nod - and wait. The seconds ticked slowly by, but after about one and a half minutes the pain started to ease, to Spike's relief. And within two minutes it had disappeared completely.

"Yes," Spike answered, not able to hold back the smile that surfaced on his face. "Completely gone." Then his smile faded. "What's going on? I know you know."

"Then tell me what you know that I know," Angel said, a small smile crossing his face. Teasing Spike like this could be a lot of fun because the blonde would always unknowingly take the bait, letting Angel tease him until he realized what was going on and made a face before saying "Sod it all."

Spike trailed off as he got lost in the words, and Angel snickered. Then Spike realized exactly what Angel was doing and made a grimace, sticking his tongue out at his sire before shaking his head. "Ah, sod it all," he said, annoyed. This only caused Angel to chuckle more.

Although Spike was annoyed and embarrassed that his sire had managed to throw him off track, even though it had been one and a half centuries since he'd last done so, the blonde vampire couldn't hold back a small chuckle of his own. He had to admit that it brought back some good memories of the past. When the chuckles died, his smile faded and a questioning look appeared on his face.

"Your demon," Angel repeated. "It refuses to allow you to help humans. It allowed you to stop me from beating up that vampire minion at the cemetery because the one you were trying to help was a demon - like you. But in the street, your demon wouldn't allow you to help someone of the kind you're supposed to be eating for breakfast, brunch, lunch and dinner," he said as if it was the most natural explanation in the world.

Angel nodded again. "Exactly. You were helping nobody else but yourself. It was a wish about revenge behind your actions. Revenge towards me, and I am a demon after all." Angel paused to swallow as he tried to ignore the guilt gnawing at him. "The demon in you will allow you to fight other demons and kill other demons and whatever - as long as it doesn't help humans."

He paused again and frowned. "I think I read somewhere that...uh, 'it cannot be an act out of love or care towards non-demon beings,'" Angel quoted. "I also think I read that this is a base instinct that rarely kicks in before the vampire is over two centuries old, and often not even then. So I guess your case is kinda extraordinary."

Spike grimaced. "Yay, lucky me," he said sarcastically before seeing the good side of it and shrugging. "Well, I guess I won't be saving any human asses in the near future," he said cheerily.

"You don't have to sound so choked up about it," Angel commented sarcastically as the two vampires started to walk back to the apartment.

"Well, you know," Spike said with a slight shrug and a grin. "I'm a saint. A fucking saint of the non-human beings on this earth."

Angel and Spike were sitting next to each other on the couch in the apartment, both of them with a cup of blood in their hand.

"Stuff," Angel replied, shrugging a little. It still hurt him to think about it, but not as much as it used to, the first years after they'd died. He still had a constant ache in his heart for Buffy, but he didn't stay awake all day because of it, and he didn't break down and cry for apparently no reason, anymore.

"Things got a little wacky in love-land," Angel said, using one of Buffy's favorite expressions, before giving his childe a pointed look. "Some bleached vampire who shall remain nameless messed up everybody's love life pretty good. Um...oh yeah, Christmas!" Then the dark-haired vampire stopped and frowned, ignoring Spike's confused look at his next words. "No, wait, let's forget Christmas and move on. Oh, and I think there was a witch hunt because of some demon, or something...It's a little fuzzy..."

Angel shot Spike a glare before continuing with his story. "Um...yeah, Buffy was almost killed and Giles got fired when The Watcher's Council put her to this test that involved taking away all her powers and forcing her to face this insane vampire. Then...well, we saved the world again after the Hellmouth opened. And of course, let's not forget about the Mayor, who turned out to be a very big bad, and he managed to get Faith onto his side."

"The other Slayer," Angel explained. "She accidentally killed a human and got a taste for it, so she teamed up with Sunnydale's Mayor, who was planning on turning into a real demon. Have an ascension."

Spike's eyebrows flew up. "A bloody ascension? And a Slayer gone bad? Which you guys stopped? Holy fuck! How on earth did I survive Buffy???"

"Yeah, sure," Spike replied. "I can read, you doof!" Then he sighed deeply and shook his head, his mind still processing the fact that he'd survived several encounters and even worked side by side with a Slayer who had killed an ascending Mayor and a Slayer gone bad. "Fuck, I'm glad I didn't get in Buffy's way any more than I did."

Angel smiled a little and looked into his nearly empty cup of blood. "Yeah, she was something special," he said as a small smile settled on his lips, despite the tears welling up in his eyes. It seemed as if it was only a few minutes ago that he held her and told her he loved her as her blood flowed out in the grass underneath her.

He remembered that last smile across her face at his words, and the last kiss she'd given him. She had tasted of blood and he had wanted to pull away to see how bad the injury really was, but before he ever got that far she cooled in his arms and her lips stopped moving under his own.

Memories of walks in the moonlight, soft kisses and graceful movements in an ice skating rink. Of stuffed pigs, dances at The Bronze, fights against evil and near death experiences. Even all the times they fought and cried together were good memories to Angel now. Except maybe the memory of being sent to Hell, but that didn't matter.

The second he'd felt Buffy's sword pierce him, he'd never been more sad, more scared, more confused. But he'd also never been more proud of her. She was like that, he recalled. Headstrong. Sarcastic. Punning. Determined. The smile on his face growing for a split second as he recalled how she'd always make a joke or be sarcastic whenever there was a serious situation.

Spike noticed the weak gleam of tears in Angel's eyes and he fell silent. He knew his sire was thinking about Buffy, bringing out memories of her from his mind, and that it brought forth a feeling of both sadness and happiness. He knew, because he felt the same sadness and happiness in his own heart. Sadness because she was gone, and happiness over the time he'd had with her.

A form for amazement over all the good times, all the bad times and everything in between, over how she could be so wonderful as she was and love him like she did.

Spike's thoughts continued like that until he had forgotten who he was thinking of; his sire and the Slayer or himself and his Drusilla.

His memories were so much like his sire's, and yet so different. While Angel had memories of a headstrong Slayer who spread sarcastic comments everywhere while fighting the darkness, Spike's memories were those of a Black Queen as evil as the devil itself, smiling and laughing coyly at his side while they killed or tortured someone.

His memories were of a woman who could hear voices from the stars and who would dance in the moonlight with him whenever she received good news through her visions. And afterwards, they would make sweet, tender love, worshipping each other's bodies and love each other more than two demons really should.

Unconsciously a small smile crossed Spike's face until his face unknowingly resembled Angel's, both vampires sitting in comfortable silence, thinking about their lost loves.

Spike stopped halfway through the door and yanked hard on the key as it got stuck in the keyhole. "Come on, you soddin'...!" he spat out, ending his sentence in several unintelligible words Angel was certain weren't nice.

Letting go of the key, startled, Spike span around to face Angel who was leaning casually against the wall in the small apartment. "Angelus! Fuck, you scared me. I didn't know you were here."

"I figured," Angel said, giving the blonde a smile as he walked over to the door and carefully twisted the key until he got it out. Handing it to Spike, he gave him a smirk and stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "One thing I learned from moving around so much - be nice to the doors. Most of them will not cooperate unless you treat them nicely."

Closing the door and putting the paper bag he was carrying down on the living room table, Spike shrugged it off. "I was thinking more along the lines of the lock being-"

Spike shrugged and sat down on the couch, propping his boot clad feet up at the table, causing Angel to arch a brow at him, but he ignored it.

It had been five months since Spike and Angel first had run into each other, literally, and the two vampires had continued living together in the small apartment in downtown London. Slowly, very slowly, Angel had started sensing that the heartache Spike had over losing Drusilla changed.

It didn't lessen, and eventually Angel had figured he shouldn't count on it to do so, either, but it had changed. It was no longer screaming out to the dark-haired vampire, making him want to hold his childe tightly to him and comfort him like a father comforts his child. It wasn't so searing that it could tear a hole in his heart, anymore.

Spike hadn't mentioned leaving London again, and Angel was starting to wonder if his childe even thought about it, but he was afraid to ask and possibly reminding the blonde vampire about it, thus causing him to get out of town.

The past months, the two had continued doing things together, like going to watch different movies, taking walks along the Thames or just staying home talking or watching TV. Spike had let his minions go, setting them free to do whatever they wanted. When he had done so, they had all looked at him as if they suspected he had finally snapped and become as insane as Drusilla was, but they didn't question his actions. Instead, they just left. Spike had no idea where any of them were now, and he didn't care.

Much to Angel's surprise and joy, his blonde childe had not fed from humans all this time, rather drinking blood they bought from the butcher. The dark-haired vampire had no idea why he did so, and a part of him doubted even Spike knew himself, but that didn't matter. What did matter, was that he didn't kill.

"How am I supposed to know?" Spike asked, reaching for the paper bag and pulling out a small bag of peanuts from it. Opening it and popping one into his mouth he shrugged. "You're like...all broody and stuff. Lone wolf. You could have been moving around from place to place, cowboy style, or you could have been staying in Sunny-fucking-hell for sixty years, brooding and moping over the past. Both suits your image."

Angel raised his eyebrows slightly, nodding. "Suits my image...yeah, that's me, a lone, brooding cowboy wolf," he sighed, wondering why the brooding-issue came up, even after so many years. Maybe it was the clothes?

"So?" Spike asked, occasionally throwing a peanut up in the air to catch it with his mouth. "Are you gonna tell me about your many travels, or am I gonna have to sit here and eat peanuts in uncomfortable silence?"

Angel squinted his eyes for a second before sitting down next to Spike and gesturing towards his feet. "Boots off the table," he ordered, making it clear that he wouldn't tell any stories at all until his childe's feet were at the floor instead of the table.

Spike rolled his eyes in a dramatic gesture, before raising his feet slightly, only to kick off his Doc Martens and then place his dirty socks at the table instead. Angel shot Spike a 'you are childish'- glare, and Spike put up an innocent look. "You said boots," he said, before grinning at Angel and removing his feet.

"Thank you," Angel said before sinking down in the couch and looking up at the ceiling. "Let's see...I lived in LA for three years, from -99 to -02, working with Cordelia, a woman named Kate, a guy named Doyle and a guy named Wesley. Then I-"

"Wait," Spike said, interrupting almost before Angel had started as he took off his duster and his red shirt, throwing them carelessly up to rest on the back of the couch. "-99?"

Angel nodded again. "That's right, too. I left her after her graduation." Spike was silent, but his blue eyes were staring intensely at Angel, asking him why. Turning his head to face his childe, Angel shrugged. "It wouldn't have worked," he simply said.

"Anyway, I went down to LA and helped people there, but I wasn't really helpful if you know what I mean? I saved lives, but didn't really care, because I was all brooding and stuff," Angel said, giving Spike a pointed look. "Then Doyle showed up. He was a half-Irish, half-Brachen demon. Nice guy. He got visions. He was told by 'The Powers That Be' that he should help me out. And Cordelia, who had come to LA to try her luck at acting, soon joined our little team. 'Angel Investigations.' For some reason, that became what we were doing, the three of us."

Angel sighed deeply, a small smile crossing his face at the memories. "Normally, it would be like this: Doyle got a vision - a name or an address - I would check it out, things would get ugly, we would come through in the end, and Cordelia would push me into charging the customers. Sometimes, Kate would help. She was a cop and came in handy when it came to pulling up files on persons, and stuff like that. Of course, she didn't take the whole 'I'm-a-vampire' thing too nice at first, but eventually she dealt with it."

"Then Doyle died, saving a bunch of people - among them myself and Cordelia - and Wesley showed up. After Giles was fired from the Watcher's Council, Wesley was sent as his replacement, but just before Buffy's graduation, she told him that she refused to work for The Watcher's Council and he left. Then he suddenly showed up in LA, no longer a Watcher."

"Wesley, Cordelia, Kate and I worked together until I wanted to get out of LA, so I moved back to Europe, to Ireland. Cordelia followed and we hung around for about a year until she went back to Sunnydale to help the gang fight some new Master vampire. I did some research on my own and found out it was a trap mere hours after Cordelia had left, and actually took a plane back to Sunnydale, which wasn't too funny - y'know with the daylight and all.

"I was so weakened by the daylight that by the time I found them, they were all dead. Except Buffy and Oz. Buffy died in my arms and Oz died only a few hours later in the hospital. I think it was the werewolf thing that made him hang on so long. And after that, I've been jumping around quite a bit."

"Oh, everywhere, really," Angel answered, shrugging slightly. "France, Germany, Brazil, Australia, Russia, Italy, Canada, Ireland, India, Korea...Everywhere."

Spike arched a brow and gave his sire a lopsided grin. "A wonder I didn't run into you sooner! God knows I'd been looking everywhere for Dru! Don't ask me where she was all the time, but I..."

Spike trailed off, his grin fading as something struck him. Placing a hand on his chest, he stared straight ahead, his thoughts starting to spin in his head. Drusilla. Producing an image of his Dark Queen in his mind, Spike concentrated hard on just feeling - and he was surprised. The ache in his heart wasn't there.

The longing to be with her and his eternal love for her was still there, warming his dead body and squeezing his still heart, but the ache over losing her was gone. Or maybe not gone, but...what? Spike didn't know. Something felt different.

Angel smiled as he watched Spike out of the corner of his eye. He knew exactly what Spike was thinking, what he was feeling, and the older vampire silently cheered. He had made his childe start to heal, he had helped him through his heartbreak and sorrow. And unknowingly to both vampires, Spike had done the same for him.

"Are you feeling okay?" Angel asked in a casual tone, fighting the urge to smile widely and giggle like a child on Spike's behalf.

Spike was silent for a long while before facing Angel, an unreadable expression on his face. "It doesn't hurt anymore," he said, slightly puzzled.

Angel couldn't stay serious anymore, and gave Spike a tender smile, nodding once to show that he understood. "I know," he simply said, and he wasn't lying. He knew. After all, he'd been through exactly the same thing with Buffy.

That's when a huge smile broke out on Spike's face and Angel's heart sang with joy. Quietly at first, but then growing louder, chuckles from both vampires rolled into the room as they sat side by side, laughing in joy.

Spike had never, ever thought it was possible for him to feel so relieved and so happy as he felt right at that moment. When Drusilla had left, he had been sure he would never be able to laugh again, yet here he sat, feeling happier than he could remember feeling in almost a century. When Drusilla had left him, a giant hole had been torn in his heart, but now he found it almost completely healed, much to his surprise.

Angel felt the happiness streaming through his childe, and he was glad his soul was permanent, or else there was a risk he would have lost it. He felt the need to run around and scream of joy, and not only on the behalf of his childe. Pride was filling his body, and he wished there had been some minions around he could show Spike to, and tell them that this was *his* childe. That *his* childe had pulled through his pain and was still standing.

As their laughter died, the two vampires faced each other, the happy and content smiles still glued to their faces. Their eyes meeting, Angel couldn't help but thinking that his childe had never looked more beautiful.

Angel had no idea what caused him to do so. One minute they were just sitting there, both of them feeling exceedingly happy, and the next they were kissing.

It was over almost before it had even begun, because Spike pulled back, startled, and Angel looked away. Embarrassment was flooding him and he knew that he was undoubtedly blushing. Their smiles had disappeared, and an uneasy silence descended upon the room.

Angel could feel his childe's eyes boring into him, but he was afraid to look back at him, worried that he might see rejection or even disgust. His mind was racing, and he could feel Spike's mind doing the same. Why had he kissed Spike? Why? When he was on the way to healing? Why had he done that and risked sending Spike back into complete confusion.

There was just something about the blue eyes, something in them, that had drawn him to do it. For some reason, he had felt the need to feel his childe's lips pressed against his, and for some reason he had given into that need.

Finally Angel decided to take the chance and turned his head back to face Spike. The blue orbs that met his own brown ones showed confusion, but he couldn't read any disgust or rejection in them, like he'd thought he would. He still didn't know what to say, though, and the room remained silent for another long moment.

"Oh," Spike replied, his eyes never leaving Angel's. His mind was racing. He had been so surprised when he had felt Angel's lips on his own, and he'd immediately pulled back. Now he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do or not. He wasn't ashamed over the fact that he'd enjoyed it, but the pain over Drusilla was still evident in his body, although - like he'd told Angel only a few minutes earlier - it was different. Somehow. It didn't hurt, and Spike dimly wondered if that was possible - to feel pain without hurting.

The surprise Spike had felt when Angel had kissed him was nothing compared to the surprise Angel felt when Spike's lips descend on his. It was only luck that the dark-haired vampire managed to stay somewhat in control over his actions so he didn't react the way Spike had; by pulling back.

Instead, he closed his eyes and surrendered to the emotions running through him. Slowly, the kiss deepened, both vampires opening their mouths more to allow the other's tongue dart out and touch each other. Moving so he sat sideways on the couch, Angel brought up his hand to cup Spike's cheek at the same time as Spike brought his arms around Angel in order to bring his sire as close to him as possible.

As the kiss became more passionate, their tongues clashed together, tasting and feeling, and the scent of arousal began filling the room. Almost unconsciously they slowly began rubbing up against each other, their erections straining the material of their jeans as they started breathing heavily, although unnecessarily, through the nose.

Spike tasted of peanuts and cigarettes, Angel dimly thought. He tasted roughness, maleness, passion, coffee, sweetness, blood and most of all he tasted love.

Spike was completely lost. All thoughts of Drusilla were pushed into the darkest corner of his mind as he allowed himself to focus on the kiss, and only the kiss. His tongue nudged his sire's before he ran it along the inside of Angel's mouth, memorizing every detail. All he could think about was Angel, his sire, his mentor, his friend, and the kiss they were sharing.

Time seemed to stop as they pulled even closer, if possible, and clung to the other as if it was a matter of life and death, their mouths never separating.

Spike was the one to finally break away from Angel's mouth, but neither let the other one go from the tight embrace. As their eyes opened and met, the silence that filled the room became deafening. A thousand questions were running through Spike's mind, and Angel could feel it. Yet, he didn't want to answer any of them now. He didn't want to deal with the possible problems now.

He knew that his favorite childe was confused - after all it had only been five months since the love of his unlife had left him - but still he wanted to put the problems on hold, wanted to avoid answering Spike's questions right now. He needed to find the answer to his own first.

Then he lay back on the couch, tugging Spike with him. The blonde immediately placed his head on Angel's chest, realizing that the time for questions would come later. Not now.

After some moments in silence, both vampires trying to will away their erections, the two drifted into a deep, peaceful sleep, filled with sweet dreams of a past long gone.

"Angel?" he asked again, his voice now being more than a hushed mumble as he came fully awake. Sitting up, the blonde vampire rubbed his eyes tiredly, before looking around in the apartment. Angel was nowhere to be seen.

Standing up, Spike quickly checked both bedrooms before sitting down in the couch again, wondering where his sire had gone off to. It was well past sunset, so he could be anywhere. Bending down, Spike picked up the bag of peanuts he'd dropped the previous night when Angel had kissed him, and frowning slightly, he popped a few into his mouth before setting it on the table.

Then he reached out and grabbed the paper bag. One of the containers of blood he'd brought in the night before was gone, so it meant Angel had fed. Quickly draining the other container and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Spike began listing up the places Angel could be.

Either, Angel could have gone off to see a movie, but it was highly unlikely that he'd done that without Spike, or he could have gone to buy more blood. For some reason, Spike felt uneasy being left alone in the apartment. He felt hurt that Angel had left without leaving a note about where he was going to, and he felt worried that something might have happened to him.

Growling quietly, Spike scowled at himself for worrying about Angel. His sire could take care of himself! It wasn't Drusilla he was thinking about. He didn't have to worry about Angel like he'd worried about Drusilla. There was no risk that Angel suddenly would turn into a naive five year old trapped in an adult body and follow whoever asked him to follow.

He cared for Angel. More than he'd thought he could, and it confused him. Almost unconsciously, his thoughts drifted to the kiss the two had shared the previous night.

His mind was a mess. He didn't know what to do? What was he going to say to Angel when he came back? Deciding to at least be honest with himself, Spike nodded slightly. Yes, he realized he was attracted to his sire, but in love with him? His love for Drusilla still hadn't left his body completely, and he doubted it ever would, either.

Glancing at his watch, Spike sighed and once again wondered where the older vampire was. It was past midnight, and if Angel had left before nine and was just out to buy blood, he should have been back. Spike was just debating on whether to go look for his sire or not when he heard the lock being turned and the door opened.

"Hey, Spike," Angel said with a slight nod and a smile as he closed the door behind him, setting down two paper bags on the table, next to the now empty one that Spike had left there. "When did you wake up?"

Spike shrugged slightly, the two vampires remaining standing in the middle of the floor, facing each other. "Just now," he replied. "Where did you go off to?"

Silence settled upon the room, neither of the two vampire daring to look at the other one. Instead, their eyes drifted across everything else. Angel had been lying awake for hours, thinking about the kiss. He didn't regret kissing Spike, but at the same time he felt that it shouldn't have happened.

He felt that he'd messed with his childe's mind, and that he definitely shouldn't have done that, now that the younger vampire had just started to heal after Drusilla.

He could feel the waves of confusion and discomfort radiating from Spike, and he wished he could do something to make it better. He wished he could turn back time, stopping the kiss from ever occurring, but at the same time he was glad it happened. He wanted to forget all about it, and sit down and watch TV with Spike and never talk bring it up, although he knew that they had to talk about it.

Automatically, Angel's eyes moved to Spike when he heard his childe's voice. There he found two ice blue orbs, staring back at him.

Spike stuck his hands in his pockets, dropping his eyes to the floor. "Well," he said. "I...I guess we have to talk..." He raised his eyes carefully to meet Angel's again. "About the kiss and all."

There was another long moment of silence, the two vampires just standing there looking into each other's eyes, before Angel sighed deeply, closed his eyes and rubbed his temple.

Something happened to Spike. A small spark seemed to disappear from his eyes and his shoulder's sank visibly. But Angel didn't see it because he was still facing away from Spike, his eyes closed.

Angel sighed deeply again, before turning his head and looking straight into his childe's eyes, hoping he was making the right choice. "Because I don't think you're quite ready for that."

When Spike's shoulder slumped even more, Angel finally noticed the sudden change in Spike's eyes, and he felt as if somebody had reached out and was squeezing his heart in a death grip.

Sighing deeply and letting go, Angel crossed the distance between him and Spike in two long steps, immediately cupping his childe's cheeks with his hands and pressing their lips together, closing his eyes.

He could feel surprise hit Spike, but he refused to let the younger vampire break the kiss. Then the surprised slowly drifted out of his childe's body and Angel felt his arms go around him, his fingers lightly caressing and stroking his back.

Angel could feel it, and he knew Spike could feel it as well. The kiss wasn't tender or careful. It was filled with passion and lust and desire, their lips clashing together over and over as their tongues met and gracefully began to dance with each other, occasionally breaking away to drift across the other's lips.

The silence that had been hanging across the room was slowly, carefully, being pushed away as the sound of kissing and small pants filled the air, along with the scent of arousal.

Angel brought his hands away from Spike's cheeks to wrap them around the younger vampire's back instead, clinging to him and embracing him tightly as the kiss continued. This was the right choice, without a doubt. With a few, clumsy steps, the two vampires managed to walk over to the couch without separating their lips, and they also managed to sink down onto the rough material of the old cushions, their bodies still pressed tightly together. Then they finally pulled back slightly, only to eagerly start pulling at the other's clothes.

Fumbling with the edge of Spike's t-shirt, Angel let out a small frustrated moan around his short gasps for air he really didn't need, at the same time as Spike pushed Angel's coat off his shoulders. He removed his hands from Spike's t-shirt just long enough to free himself completely from his coat, letting it drop to the floor. Then he continued to pull at Spike's t-shirt at the same time as Spike started to unbutton his black shirt.

He had never wanted anyone the way he wanted his childe right now. Not even Buffy, the night they had slept together. Then, he had wanted to make love to Buffy, sweet love and worship every inch of her body.

Stopping his ministrations with Angel's shirt, Spike pulled away briefly only to pull his t-shirt over his head. He was beyond any thinking. He just knew that he was filled with an incredible lust for his sire, a desire that burned in him and filled every inch of him. His jeans were becoming tighter by the second as his erection seemed to grow and grow, and he leaned forward to capture Angel's mouth in a kiss again.

Unbuttoning the last buttons of his shirt, Angel pushed it off his shoulders, before his arms went around Spike again to hold him tight as their tongues dueled. Slowly they sank back on the couch, Angel on top, as they almost unconsciously rubbed their pelvises together, trying to bring friction to the erections raging inside their jeans.

Still without breaking the kiss, Angel reached down and started unbuckling Spike's belt. That's when Spike's mind started working again.

Forcing himself to reach up and gently grab Angel's head, he pulled away from the kiss, opening his eyes and meeting Angel's.

When he felt uncertainty well up in his childe, it only added more to his confusion and he couldn't hold back the microscopic frown that appeared on his face.

Spike's eyes became blank with tears and he shook his head slowly, barely daring to hold the eye contact with Angel. "I'm sorry. I can't," he whispered. The memory of Drusilla was too fresh, yet, after all. But the disappointment, the anger, the annoyance that he had expected to appear in his sire's eyes never showed up.

Angel shook his head. "No. I understand," he replied honestly. It had taken him almost sixty years to get over Buffy. Of course it would take longer than five months for Spike to get over Drusilla.

"I'm sorry," Spike said again, this time around a small, bitter smile that played across his sad face. "I'm..." He paused to take a deep, shuttering breath. "I'm just not ready for...male...vampire...gay...sex again," he said with a slight chuckle as he stumbled over the words. "Yet."

Angel sent him an understanding smile. "I understand," he repeated. And he truly meant it. He was just glad Spike had told him, and not allowed things to keep rolling when he wasn't ready for them. If he had, that might have turned out worse than a simple mistake in the shape of a kiss could have.

Craning his neck to reach Angel's mouth, Spike kissed him lightly again before giving him another small, bitter smile. "Just give me time," he said.

Then the two vampires sat up and put their shirts back on. "So, is there any good movies on TV tonight?" Angel asked conversationally as he buttoned his shirt again.

Spike snorted and flipped on the TV. "Yeah, right!" he said sarcastically, making it clear that there was nothing interesting on TV whatsoever. "Just a load of crap," he said, flipping through the few channels their TV was able to receive. "Besides, it's way past midnight. The only thing you can find now, is boring news and old, old, old movies from Thailand." Then he shrugged and added, "Well, unless you have pay-per-view. Then you can get some *real* entertainment."

Chuckling, glad to see that the awkward moment had passed and that Spike's humor was still intact, Angel smacked Spike lightly upside the head before leaning back in the couch and placing his feet on the table.

Spike just gave him a cocky grin in reply. The two vampires remained sitting next to each other the rest of the night, just talking.

Picking up a sock that was conveniently thrown casually over the doorknob, Angel threw it at the vampire on the bed, causing him to bolt upright, startled.

Taking off the headphones, Spike removed the sock from his face and grimaced. "Holy fuck, don't you ever wash your socks, Angel?"

Angel smirked, sitting down at the side of the bed. "Actually, that's your sock, Spike," he said around a chuckle, studying his childe's face as it reddened slightly with embarrassment.

"I figured," Angel said with another chuckle, gesturing to the MiniDisk. "I could hear the Sex Pistols all the way out in the living room. Why are you still listening to them, anyway?"

"Like I would really listen to that bloody techno-disco-crap they call music nowadays," Spike answered with a wink of his eye. "So...what's up?"

Angel showed him the newspaper and used the pen in his hand to point at some circled areas. "I've circled a couple of apartments, but I didn't want to do anything without your approval, so...What do you think?"

When the dark-haired vampire had suggested moving to a bigger apartment, Spike had been thrilled, not only because it would mean they would get out of the dump they were currently living in, but also because he knew it meant Angel would continue living together with him. It felt as if they were taking a step up from roommates to really living together, and Spike loved the feeling.

"Um, this one looks good," Spike said, pointing to one ad. "And this. But not that one. Second floor?" he asked, raising a skeptical brow at Angel. "You have a serious yen for buildings with lots of windows and sunlight that will kill us, you know that?"

Angel smirked. "Well, when I bought the mansion with all the windows there, it was mostly because I hoped you would burn to death," he said.

Flipping Angel the bird, Spike grinned, took a drag of his cigarette and turned back to the newspaper. "This all looks good," he finally said. "With the exception of said second floor apartment."

Angel nodded and took the newspaper back. "I'll arrange it so we can go take a look at them. Before that, I suggest you," he said, pointing to Spike as he stood up, "wash your socks."

In response, Spike stuck out his tongue at his sire, but Angel just chuckled again as he made his way out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Spike watched the closed door for a few seconds after Angel has left, a lopsided grin on his face. Then he fell back against the pillow, the grin turning into a content smile.

The two men had slowly grown closer and closer ever since the incident close to two weeks ago, when the two had almost ended up having 'male vampire gay sex.' Spike didn't bother lying to himself anymore and had realized he was in love with his sire, but he didn't know for what reasons. And that was the only reason he didn't walk out into the living room, attack his sire, tear off his clothes and shag him like a maniac.

He wished his love for Angel came from the time they had spent together, the things they had done together - and not from the fact that he was his childe and that Angel had cared for him like a father cares for his child.

Not that it was anything wrong with that, but Spike still felt uncertain. He didn't *want* to love Angel just because Angel loved him. He wanted to love Angel because he had actually fallen in love with him. Like something that could happened even if he had been with Drusilla at the time.

The image of his Dru was still etched into his mind, and something still pressed towards his chest whenever he thought about her, but at the same time it didn't hurt. He didn't want to cry, and he didn't have the same desire to get her back, anymore, as he had when he first arrived in London. Smiling slightly as he blew smoke rings towards the ceiling, Spike thought about all the changes in his life since he first arrived in London.

He had met up with his sire again. He'd been left by Drusilla. He'd fallen in love with his sire. His minions all thought he'd gone insane. He'd stopped feeding from humans. He was about to move into a bigger place with the man he loved. Shaking his head slightly, Spike blew out another gray cloud of smoke and his smile grew.

Spike spun slowly around, taking in the room he was standing. in. "You know what, Angel, forget everything negative I've ever said about you in my entire unlife! You are a bloody genius! This place is great!" he exclaimed, bouncing giddily over to his sire who was standing in one of the doors leading out of the room.

The ground floor apartment Angel had bought a week back, consisted of six rooms; two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, a kitchen and a dining room. In the kitchen there was a door leading out into a small backyard surrounded by high walls, reminding Angel of the mansion in Sunnydale, except that there were no stairs leading out of it.

The two vampires had immediately decided to paint the dining room white and use it as a workout room, and turn one of the bedrooms into a storage of some kind. Spike hadn't said anything, but he had been thrilled when Angel had suggested that they shared the Master bedroom instead of having a bedroom each. The blonde vampire became more and more amazed as it seemed there was no limit to his sire's boldness, but he didn't mind it. Not one bit.

"So...What do you say we start painting?" Angel asked, interrupting Spike's small dance of joy on the floor. As much as he enjoyed watching Spike spin around in circles, his arms stretched out like a child, he wanted to get done with the dining room before sunrise. Luckily there wasn't many windows in the apartment, just one in the kitchen, one in the dining room and a small one in the bedroom they had decided to use as a storage, but it wouldn't be any problem to cover them up. Still, Angel preferred to sleep during the day.

"Alright," Spike answered, walking towards the door. "I'll get the paint. Its in my car," he said, dropping a quick kiss to Angel's lips as he passed him.

Spike watched Angel out of the corner of his eye as the two vampires stood in the dining room, painting the dark green walls white. Angel was dressed in a black shirt and a pair of faded jeans, while Spike had taken off his shirt and t-shirt, leaving him only in his black jeans, riding low on his hips.

Staring discretely, it was Angel could do not to jump Spike's bones right there and then. A part of him knew Spike was only doing it to tease, but at the same time he also knew that Spike wasn't ready. If he had been ready, he would undoubtedly have told him, so instead Angel just had to control himself.

And Angel did look. A lot. He watched discretely as Spike's body moved, as his muscles flexed when he brought the paintbrush back and forth along the wall, covering the green. He watched Spike's butt as it moved back and forth whenever the blonde vampire would shift the weight from one leg to the other, and he silently groaned as the material of his jeans suddenly became tighter.

Smelling his sire's arousal, Spike could only grin. Sometimes he enjoyed putting on a show for his sire just to bother him, leaving the dark-haired vampire with an erection so big that he most likely would sit down and stay there the rest of the day - not because he wanted to, or tried to hide it, but because he simply couldn't get up again.

Slowly turning back around to face Spike, Angel shot his childe an 'oh-no-I'm-busted' look and sighed deeply. "Ah. You got me."

Spike dropped the paintbrush down to the newspapers covering the floor, before he walked over to his sire and gave him a bold grin. "Not yet," he said before placing his arms around the older vampire and covering Angel's lips with his own, kissing him tenderly. Then he pulled back and grinned again. "But now, I do."

"I know," Spike sighed, shaking his head. "I must be picking it up somewhere. Must be the bad company I'm holding these days."

"You know, up until that last comment I was only teasing," Angel said, smirking. "But now I'm actually beginning to think you're right."

"Shut up," Spike told Angel before kissing him again, slowly. As the kiss deepened, Angel tightened his hold on Spike, dropping the paintbrush. It fell to the floor behind Spike with a hollow clunk, then bounced slightly, hitting Spike's ankle.

Breaking the kiss, Spike took a step away from Angel's embrace and looked down at his no longer completely black Doc Martens. "No," he exclaimed in a pout, shaking his head. "Angel, look what you did."

Chuckling silently, Angel lifted a hand to hide the wide smile on his face. "I'm sorry," he said, fighting to hold his chuckles back. "But someone was kissing me senseless."

"That's still no excuse," Spike said, grabbing a piece of cloth lying in a corner, starting to wipe away the paint. It didn't disappear completely, but instead left a gray-ish spot on his boot, making it look very odd.

When he saw this, a desperate expression entered Spike's face, and Angel couldn't hold back his laughter anymore. Turning his head to look at Angel, Spike's expression changed to wicked and he stood up again, dropping the piece of cloth. "Oh, you think that's funny, mister?"

"Yeah, but it's *my* bloody boot," Spike replied, walking over to Angel. Then he reached around the dark-haired vampire, pressing his hand firmly into Angel's back and sighing. "I think I will have to punish you for that," he said, slowly leaning closer.

"And what will be my punishment?" Angel murmured, ignoring the little voice in his head that told him something was off about the situation Spike had just put them in. Angel didn't listen to the voice, more eager to kiss Spike senseless.

Pulling back slightly, Spike met his liquid gaze and grinned, his blue eyes sparkling. "Your punishment," he said, taking a step back and releasing Angel, much to his sire's surprise. "Will be the white hand print I just made on your shirt."

Startled, Angel took a step sideways, pulling at the bottom of his shirt so he could see the back. And just like Spike had said, there was a white hand print on Angel's shirt.

Turning his head towards the now laughing Spike, Angel shook his head, his eyes carrying playfulness and a promise about revenge. Turning around, Angel could see a matching hand print on the newly painted wall, and he realized Spike had pressed his hand towards the wall before placing it at his back.

Angel did his best to put up an angry scowl, but it was ruined as he also broke into laughter. "You think you're funny?" he asked, walking over to Spike and giving him a push, determined to get his revenge.

He didn't push hard, but it was enough so the vampire lost his balance and tumbled sideways, straight into one of the newly painted walls. Feeling the cold wall towards his bare back, Spike quickly regained his balance and jumped away, turning around.

"No!" he exclaimed, looking over his shoulder, trying to see his back, ignoring his sire's loud snorts of laughter from behind him. He couldn't see much, but when his eyes traveled to the wall he'd just bumped into, he knew that he was undoubtedly white along his entire back, the back of his head and his butt. Because on the wall, in the white paint, was a perfect pattern after where his body had been only a few seconds ago.

It had been a long time since he'd had so much fun with Spike, and the rational part of his brain told him that he should put a stop to it now, before they both ended up covered in white paint. But the other part of his brain told him it didn't matter because Spike looked ridiculously handsome, even when he was covered in white paint.

Spike just strolled over to Angel before suddenly lashing out with his leg, tripping his sire. Surprised, but still laughing, Angel fell to the floor, landing hard on his back.

Meeting his sire's eyes he could read the love in them, and he felt his heart swell in his chest with happiness. Hoping his sire could see the love in his own eyes, Spike reached out his clean hand towards the still laughing Angel on the floor in front of him. And as he helped the dark-haired vampire to get back onto his feet, he couldn't help but thinking that he'd never been happier in his entire life.

After making a thorough mess of themselves with the paint the previous night, the two men had finally managed to finish painting the room, also removing the prints on the wall that had been made while playing. It had taken them both a lot of time to get the paint off themselves, but eventually they had cleaned up and started moving the little furniture they owned into the apartment.

Angel had promised that he'd take a trip to Ireland in about a month and pick up some of his old stuff he'd left there, but for now they would have to manage with the worn-out couch, the living room table and the beds. The kitchen came furnished, so they didn't have to worry about that, but Spike had commented that some shelves and stuff would be nice and Angel had this burning urge to give the blonde vampire everything he wanted.

Exiting the kitchen, Angel glanced at his watch while drying the last remains of paint from their playful fight the previous night off his hands.

A small smile crossed Angel's face as he watched the door close behind Spike, before he went out into the backyard, starting to clean up out there. There were several rocks there that needed to be moved, and dead leaves were laying around, along with old paper bits and even some barbed wire and old pieces of wood. Whoever was living there before the two vampires, obviously didn't take good care of the backyard.

Angel was just in the middle of moving a semi-large rock towards a corner when he heard a noise behind him, and the scent of a non-human being hit his nose.

It wasn't Spike, because he would undoubtedly have entered with a lot of noise and a cocky salute, plus the fact that Angel immediately would have sensed that it was him. Dropping the rock, the dark-haired vampire spun around, dropping into a fighting stance.

He was dressed in a pink shirt with red flowers on, blue pants and a brown jacket. The outfit was topped with an ugly, gray hat with a green feather in the side.

"What?" Whistler said, an offended tone to his voice. "That's the welcome I get? Jeez, your manners really haven't improved much the past years. You're just as rude as when I first met you."

"Why are you here?" Angel asked again, ignoring Whistler's comments. He knew very well that the demon wouldn't have showed up unless it was for a very important reason. And considering the events that had followed the years after he'd first met Whistler, he didn't exactly trust the demon to bring good news.

Whistler saw the serious look in Angel's eyes and sighed deeply, his own face darkening. "I'm here to tell you about a little prophecy," he said. Then he walked over to one of the walls, leaning against it and beginning to speak.

"I don't think you need a further instruction about the Hellmouth," he said, "so I'm gonna skip that part and get right to the point. After the Hellmouth was closed, it was attempted opened by The Sisterhood of Jhe. I think you might have heard of them as well."

"Might I have run into them once or twice," Angel deadpanned, remembering the night they almost succeeded in opening the Hellmouth again.

"Yeah, well, they tried to open it in the middle of the 1700's," Whistler explained. "But they failed. The Goddess Pheno saw their attempt and used her powers to stop them. But something weird happened. The dark powers that had been sat in motion by Jhe...well, they moved. They couldn't get up and out in the free, but they moved."

"Right," Whistler said. "They moved there, creating a second Hellmouth just outside of what is now Bucuresti. The sisterhood of Jhe thought it had moved permanently and was of course furious. And they became even more infuriated when it turned out the Goddess Pheno had cast a spell on this new Hellmouth, giving her life in order to do so. She secured this Hellmouth, making sure it could never open."

"Unless we manage stop it," Angel stated again, knowing that he and Spike alone could not manage to keep the Hellmouth from opening. That's when Whistler shook his head.

Slowly, realization dawned upon Angel and he remained standing motionless in his place. "No," he mumbled, his body slowly going numb. "Why?"

Whistler made small gesture with his arms, shrugging slightly. "There's this prophecy...'The Angel Of Darkness who walks in the light will fight alone, and in return he will achieve full redemption from his sins and mental torture'...something like that." Turning his head, the demon met Angel's eyes. "If your lad Spike goes with you, you'll both die."

Whistler sighed and walked over to Angel, gripping his arms. "You're not listening to me! It's only you who can do it! Alone!"

Angel's heart was slowly being destroyed, piece by piece. "No," he said again, forcing back the lump in his throat that was threatening to choke him. "What if I fail? What if I die?"

Whistler was silent for a long while, just staring into Angel's eyes. "Well, then at least you'll be free from your sins and mental torture," he finally replied. "And the world will go on."

Whistler shook his head slowly. "It doesn't matter if you live or die, Angel! It's the fight that matter! The fight! You can stop this simply by fighting it, not by winning or losing. Living or dying. Your highest wish in life is to make amends for all the bad things you did when you were a soulless creep. And the higher powers obviously feel that now is the time to give you the chance to really make up for it."

Angel shook his head, his eyes darkening with anger and despair as he grabbed Whistler's coat, giving him a push and causing him to stumble backwards. "What do you know?" he demanded in a low, deadly voice. "What did they tell you?"

Whistler shrugged helplessly. "They are taking this opportunity to test you, Angel. They're using this prophecy, this Hellmouth. It's all true, but there's more to it than that. They see how much you care for your childe, and they're making you choose. If you go off to fight this thing, it doesn't matter if you manage to stop it or not. Because then you still have fought. Risked your life. And left your lad behind. If you stay here, the world will go to hell anyway. And if you take him with you, you will both die."

Angel swallowed heavily, a small tear escaping the corner of his eye as the emotions cursing through him became too much to bear. His heart was being torn apart and he started gasping uncontrollably for air he really didn't need. Unable to help it, he began trembling. He knew he had no choice but to leave, and possibly face his death.

He wanted nothing as much as he wanted to be forgiven for everything he'd done without his soul, but at the same time he loved his childe beyond all limits. More than he should, more than he even thought was possible.

So overwhelmed with sorrow, Angel didn't sense the figure standing just around the corner by the kitchen door. Tears were cursing down Spike's face and his blue eyes were filled with sorrow.

Something caught in his throat and he let out a half choked sob, then fled the apartment, the bag holding the containers of blood he'd bought still in his hand. He continued to run, uncaring of the tears that continued to stream down his face as his heart exploded in pain in his chest, over and over.

He didn't know for how long he ran. He didn't know when he dropped the blood. And he didn't know when he stopped, having reached a small pier by the Thames.

Falling to his knees on the empty pier, the rough wood gnawing into his knees, Spike pressed the back of his hands towards his eyes and began sobbing uncontrollably. He didn't want Angel to leave. He didn't want Angel to die. He wanted his sire to stay with him, or he wanted to go with him and help him fighting the sisterhood of Jhe. He wanted to do anything as long as it meant he wouldn't be left alone again. Angel was all he had left, and he loved him.

Sobbing harder, Spike both hands clutched his chest, trying to rid himself of the pain streaming out from his heart. "No, please, God, why?" he whispered, but nobody heard him, and nobody replied.

The streets in this part of town were dark and empty since it was in the middle of the night, and the only sounds Spike heard was the faint sounds of cars coming from the highway, and the soft sound of the water running past, hitting the pier with small plops along the way.

Raising his head towards the sky, Spike watched the stars as they seemed to move through his tears. "No," he repeated, this time louder. "No, please, God, no, no! Please!"

Bowing his head again, Spike cried out in pain and sorrow, folding his hands towards his chest, hard enough to bruise his fingers. His sire, his mentor, his everything. His love. He was leaving. He could die. And there was nothing anybody could do about it.

"No," Spike cried again, making harsh gasps for air in between his loud sobs, before he screamed, "You can't do this to me, you can't FUCKING do this to me!"

He didn't really know who he was talking to, but he didn't care. Angel couldn't leave him. He couldn't die. "No, God, please," Spike babbled, his voice dropping to normal level again, still trembling with grief. "No, I won't let it happen, I won't let it happen! He can't leave! He can't die, he can't leave me, God, please, he can't die, no, he can't die!"

Pain radiated from his crushed heart out into every nerve, every pore of his body, blinding him and making his body scream silently as it seemed to sting everywhere. It felt as if somebody had whipped him, then was holding him down into a pool of acid while choking him.

"God, don't do this, don't do this," Spike wailed through his sobs, still clutching his folded hands to his chest. He didn't want Angel to leave. He didn't want Angel to die.

"No, no," Spike wailed, his voice dropping until it was barely more than a panicked whisper between his harsh sobs and gasps for unneeded air.

Then he started to pray. He didn't know how he still could remember the prayer he'd learned from his mother so very long ago, and he didn't know why he was saying it now, because the heavens didn't listen to demons like him. But he prayed anyway. The words stumbled out of his mouth, faster than he meant to say them, but it really didn't matter. Nothing mattered, anymore, except his sire.

He prayed for Angel, for Drusilla, for all the love he held for both of them. He prayed for the Slayer and her love for his sire. He prayed for Buffy's friends, for her Watcher, her mom, for his minions, for his victims, for the memories, for Whistler, for the love Angel had showed him, for all the good times he'd shared with him and for all the things in between.

"Spike?" Angel called out, his voice hoarse as he re-entered the apartment. He thought he'd heard the door slam, but the apartment was empty and quiet, so he guessed the sorrow was making him hear things.

Walking into the bedroom, Angel sat on the bed, placing his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say to Spike. He didn't want to leave, but if he didn't, it would mean death for everybody.

Angel blinked rapidly, trying to force back his tears as his eyes landed on the pair of black jeans Spike had kicked into a corner after changing out of them. They were still covered in spots of white paint.

Finishing his prayer, Spike lifted his teary eyes to the sky again, his sobs still harsh and ragged. The stars were looking down at him, mocking him and telling him that his prayers were of no use. That no good powers listened to a creature like him, anyway. And it hurt Spike to know that it was true. The higher powers of good, didn't listen to him, and he cursed his demon, sobbing for all the things he was losing with his sire.

Staring at the spot where his reflection should have been, the sobbing vampire continued to sit at the pier, his folded hands clutching his chest, trying to hide his broken heart from the world around him.

The following night, as Spike exited the bedroom, he found that the kitchen table was covered with good food. A wine bottle Spike could smell was filled with blood was standing next to the single candle, and it all reminded him of the dinners he and his sire had used to share over two centuries earlier.

Holding back his sob as he realized it was meant to be a romantic dinner for two, Spike walked over and sat down, wondering where his sire was. It had taken him a lot of effort to pull himself together enough to get up from the pier and walk back to the apartment. Angel had given him a curious glance when he had entered the apartment and gone straight to bed, but neither of them had said anything, although they both recognized the traces of tears on the other's cheeks.

When he'd woken up that evening, Angel had been gone from the bed already, and Spike hadn't been surprised when he glanced at the watch and found it to be almost midnight. He didn't mind the fact that his sire was gone, although he would have liked to spend some more time with him. But the absence of his sire gave him space to think, and that was something he needed.

He had stayed in bed for a long time, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. He was considering confronting his sire with Whistler's visit and he was very tempted to find the dark-haired vampire and beat the crap out of him for not confessing about it when he first got back home the previous night. But then he'd decided he should let Angel tell him when he thought he should, or if he thought he should tell it at all.

He'd let things go the way Angel wanted, and he'd play Angel's game. He'd do anything for his sire, he had realized as he had laid there, and the thought had caused him to break into tears again.

Spike's thoughts were interrupted when he heard Angel's voice from the doorway. "Hey," he greeted his childe softly, fighting hard with his emotions so he wouldn't start crying. He couldn't take his eyes off his childe, those blue eyes filled with sadness and that beautiful face framing them.

He could sense the grief filling every pore of his childe's body, and tears came unbidden to his eyes as he realized he was the reason for that. He knew Spike knew he had to leave, although he didn't know how Spike had found out.

"Hey," Spike greeted back, noticing the sad expression on Angel's face which looked so very much like his own. "What's the occasion?" he asked, gesturing to the table.

"I'm leaving," Angel finally said, staring hard at his plate, pretending that he didn't know Spike was already aware of what he was telling him.

"Tomorrow night. I got a visit from an old...friend, I guess. There's apparently a second Hellmouth just...just outside Bucuresti, Romania, which is about to...open. There's...there's this prophecy that says-"

Spike forced out a nod. "I know," he replied, interrupting Angel, fighting to keep a straight face. "I overheard you talking."

"Yeah," Spike said with a sigh, standing up, glass of blood in hand. Walking over to the window, he sighed deeply again and stared blankly out into the night. Never would he have thought he'd be able to feel so bad when it came to his sire. He didn't want Angel to leave. He didn't want Angel to leave at all. The knowledge that twenty-four hours from now he'd be alone left an uneasy feeling in the pit of Spike's stomach, and his throat closed up.

Sensing his childe's confused mind, Angel stood up as well and went over to Spike. He leaned against his childe's back and wrapped his arms around the younger vampire.

"I know it's okay," Spike scoffed, trying to pass on the tough guy-act as he took a sip of the blood, refusing to admit to himself that his sire could go off to face his death. "Hell, it's even more than okay! It's good!"

It only caused Angel to chuckle slightly through his tears and kiss the nape of Spike's neck. "You amuse me," he murmured. "Always trying to be the though one, always trying to be the big, bad Master vampire. Always trying to hate me." He leaned closer to Spike's ear and sucked the earlobe into his mouth before smiling slightly and whispering. "Well, guess what? I see right through you. You've never hated me completely. Not with your entire being. Not with your heart."

Closing his eyes for a split second, Spike took a deep - though unneeded - breath, and put the glass down, before turning around, never letting himself slip away from Angel's embrace. "No," he agreed silently, meeting Angel's eyes. "Not with my heart."

As the kiss deepened, becoming more passionate, and he felt Angel's tongue nudge his own, the younger vampire slowly lifted his hands and started to unbutton Angel's shirt. When Angel felt his shirt open, exposing his chest, he broke the kiss and met his childe's eyes. "You sure?" he whispered.

Then he met Angel's lips again as he continued to undress his sire. Pulling the shirt slowly off his shoulders with one hand, another found their way to Angel's pants and gently rubbed the now very visible bulge in the front. "I'm sure," Spike moaned into Angel's mouth as Angel started to return his touches.

He knew that it could be the last opportunity he got to prove how much he loved his sire, and he was not going to let that opportunity pass him by.

Angel was completely lost in the sea of sensations that suddenly overwhelmed him, surrounded him, along with a burning desire to pleasure his childe in his mind. A burning desire to give Spike a taste of heaven, to please him in every possible way, so he would remember this night forever. A burning desire to give his childe everything he wanted, everything he needed. A burning desire *for* his childe.

Temporarily stepping away from Angel, Spike pulled his own t-shirt over his head, before melting back into Angel's embrace, continuing to undress his sire, their mouths finding each other again. Their tongues clashed and danced as they undressed each other, touching and feeling along the way, wanting to memorize every inch of the other's body.

Once they were both completely naked, Spike's fingers drifted to Angel's erection and closed around it, only to be pried gently away. Breaking their kiss, Spike's questioning eyes met Angel's and Angel shook his head slowly, a small smile gliding across his face. "Not me," he whispered. "You."

Then he sank downwards, his hands sliding along Spike's back, caressing it until he was fully down on his knees, his face directly in front of Spike's erection.

Moving one hand, Angel wiped the pre-cum from the tip and sucked it off his fingers. The simple action was rewarded by a small moan from Spike, and the younger vampire's cock bobbed slightly on its own. Without further ado, Angel leaned forward and captured the cock between his lips, sucking lightly at the tip, before slowly taking it further in.

Spike's head fell back and he groaned deep in his throat as the feelings almost became too much to bear. He hadn't had any real sexual contact with anybody in over sixty years, and it was hard to hold back, especially the way Angel was going. Gripping Angel's head tightly, but not pushing him or forcing him, Spike closed his eyes and allowed the sensations to wash over him, but still desperately holding back, wanting it to last.

Slowly, Angel's lips slid down Spike's cock until his nose touched the pubic hairs and the tip touched the entrance of his throat. Then he sucked hard, sliding the cock almost all the way out, before taking it all the way in again, using his hand to caress Spike's sac. Tracing his tongue along the underside, the dark-haired vampire began bobbing his head lightly and altering between sucking hard and just barely sliding his lips over the shaft in his mouth.

He didn't know what caused it - if it was the pure ecstasy of being given a blow job by his sire, the grief over the knowledge that his sire would leave him soon, the love that messed with his head, or something else entirely - but in his mind and completely without a sound, Spike started singing the song Angel was so quietly humming around his stiff member.

~It will be alright, my love, it will be alright. The sun may set and darkness may fall, but I know for sure you'll stand through it all. Even if I should die, I'll be with you...~

As the lyrics hit him, Spike's eyes opened and something caught in his throat as uncertainty assaulted him. Startled, he realized that he wasn't sure if he was doing this because he truly loved his sire and wanted to have this as a last memory of him in case he didn't return, or if he just wanted to give him a reason to stay and let someone else save the world. Was there really a difference between the two?

"Wha-" Angel started to say, but he cut himself off as Spike sighed and turned away, once again facing the window, his mind racing. It couldn't have been coincidence that Angel had picked that song. It couldn't! What did he want him to do? What was he supposed to do?

The second he'd recognized the song, something had changed and he had for the first time realized fully that his sire could die. That it wasn't just some dream or nightmare - it was real. His sire could die and never, ever come back to him. He could be left alone forever.

"Liar," Angel said quietly, once again wrapping his arms around Spike from behind, his cock rubbing up against Spike's buttocks. "What's wrong? Tell me," he urged silently, although he already had a good idea of what the answer was.

The second Spike had forced his mouth from his cock, giving him a serious reality check, he had sensed uncertainty curse through his childe and he had been confused. It wasn't completely by coincidence that he had chosen that particular song, but he never expected it to have the reaction it had.

Spike bowed his head, staring at his bare feet. He wanted Angel so badly, but he also wanted to make sure that was the only reason and that he wasn't doing it to make the older vampire stay, because that would mean death to them both.

He realized he was in love with his sire and that he loved him just as much, or probably even more, than he loved Drusilla. He had realized that a long time ago. But he was scared. He was scared to the bone of taking this step. It wasn't like the old times. Back then, Angelus didn't have his soul, and it hadn't been love making. It had all been a game of domination and pure sex.

It would mean that they said their goodbyes to each other, possibly forever. It would mean that they admitted to each other that they loved the other one so much that they would sacrifice their own life in order to save the other's. It would mean they loved each other completely and truly.

And Spike's mind was trying to decide whether he thought that was a bad thing or not. Closing his eyes, Spike took a deep, slow breath and tried to listen to himself. His mind was confused, scared, insecure. His demon was telling him to drop it, telling him Angel shouldn't matter anyway. That he could never replace Drusilla. And his heart was telling him that he loved this man. His sire. His everything. And that he should take the chance.

Then he turned around and met Angel's eyes. As he saw the love and care shining out from the brown orbs, his heart swelled with love in his chest.

Angel's eyes continued to stare into Spike's, amazement, love and worry shining out of the golden-brown orbs. "Are you sure?" he asked again.

He could still feel the insecurity and fear screaming from Spike's heart, and he wanted to give his childe a chance to change his mind. When he didn't receive a reply, he looked more intensely at Spike and asked again. "Are you sure?"

It was the simplest kiss the two had shared until then. Their lips barely touched, but still, something was very different about this kiss. And they both knew nothing would ever be as it was.

Angel slowly ran a finger down the side of Spike's face, watching his childe sleep. They'd made love for hours, all night and most of the following day, several times, both bringing each other indescribable pleasure. Because it was making love. It wasn't fucking, it wasn't just sex. It wasn't even 'male vampire gay sex.'

They had tasted, felt, kissed, caressed, experienced, fondled, loved. They had received and given more pleasure than they even thought was possible. Their coupling had been slow and filled with more care, with more tenderness and more love than either of them ever shared with their past loves, and it had amazed them both.

Closing his eyes, he reminded himself yet again to why he couldn't stay here with his Spike, his Will. His childe. He had a prophecy to research. He had a world to save. If Spike came, it would mean death to them both. Angel wanted to at least give Spike a chance to live. And even if he came with the dark-haired vampire, and they somehow miraculously stopped the prophecy from happening, Spike would be uncomfortable, he'd be bored and suffer under that. And he'd fight against his demons' nature and suffer under that. And Angel didn't want him to suffer under anything.

The fight in the alley the day after they'd been to the movies was still clear in the dark-haired vampire's mind, and he remembered well Spike's clenched teeth and the angry tick in his jaw as he'd fought to keep his demon under control, even though neither vampire had known what it was at the time. He didn't want his childe to have to live like that.

When Angel opened his eyes again, Spike was awake and looking at him. Their eyes met and locked, and a small smile formed on Angel's face.

"Like the dead," Spike replied equally as quiet, before glancing at the clock on the wall. "Half past three in the afternoon," he said, not being able to hide the quivering in his voice and the sadness in his eyes. "Not long until you have to bail."

Silence settled between the two vampires as they lay close together in the bed, their arms wrapped around each other, their fingers tracing light patterns on each other's backs. Angel's smile slowly slid away and he kissed Spike tenderly. When he pulled away, Spike's eyes were blank with tears, and a sting of pain went through Angel's heart. He wanted to hug Spike tight. He wanted to stay with him forever. He didn't want to leave. Yet he had to.

Angel lay quiet for a long time, both surprised and moved by his childe's revelation, before pulling Spike closer and kissing him tenderly again. He knew it had taken Spike a lot to admit his love for his sire to his face, and it only made it harder for Angel to make the choice he had to; to leave Spike in a few, short hours, despite the love he felt for him.

He wished Spike could feel his emotions just like he could feel Spike's. He wished Spike could know with his heart that it was true, that he really loved him even though he had to leave. He wished there was words made to express just how great his love for his childe was. But no words could explain it. No words were big enough. And yet, Angel's three words seemed to be enough for Spike, and it moved Angel beyond all limits.

Starting to sob, the blonde vampire clutched his hands towards his chest, just like he'd done at the pier, and curled up into a small ball, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. Immediately, Angel moved even closer to his childe, wrapping his arms tightly around him and rubbing his bare back in a soothing gesture, as a low purr meant to calm and comfort could be heard from his chest.

"It was okay," he whispered. "For a little moment it was okay. For just a minute, you didn't have to leave me. And we were happy."

Angel had to fight hard to keep his tears from falling as he nodded slowly. "I know," he whispered and Spike's eyes closed. "I know."

Then there was silence for a long while, until Spike's teary eyes opened and met his again. The blonde swallowed hard, a storm of emotions tearing his heart apart.

They looked at each other for a long while, before bitter smiles forced their way to the surface and they both knew so very well what they could read in the other's eyes; that it was impossible. Then their mouths met once more, for a long, passionate kiss, both of them savoring the taste and feel of the other and storing it away so they'd always remember it.

Spike watched as Angel lifted his black suitcase into the car and then turned to face his childe. "Well..." he started, before the words caught in his throat.

They were standing in a parking lot, a single street lamp lighting up a small area around the peroxide-blonde vampire, the darkness around them hiding everything else.

"Try to take care of it for me," Spike said, gesturing to his old DeSoto which soon would take Angel to Romania. "Don't crash it. Be careful on the ferry over to France. And no James Bond behavior," the blonde vampire said, trying so hard to keep his voice from quivering, but failing miserably.

"I will take care of your car," Angel replied, his own voice not carrying his words very well. "Try not to get into any trouble, okay? At...at least not too much."

Spike nodded, swallowing hard. "I won't," he finally said. Then he took a deep, shuttering breath, fighting back the sob that threatened to escape him. "Now, don't you go die on me, okay?"

They stood in silence for a few more minutes, keeping some distance between them. Then a small tear slid down Spike's face as a sob forced its way out of him, and he quickly ran into Angel's embrace, hiding it in his sire's shoulder.

Angel nodded slightly, his heart being shattered into a thousand pieces as he kissed Spike's neck gently. "Of course I will," he replied, tightening the hug, wishing they could stay like that forever. "Always."

Then they released each other from the embrace, and Angel quickly turned and started to open the door to the driver's seat. But instead of getting in, he quickly spun around to face Spike again.

"Come with me," he said pleadingly, trying to convince his childe to stay with him as all thoughts of Spike's demon and the prophecy disappeared. It could go all to hell! They could beat Spike's demon together, just like they could beat this prophecy together.

Spike tried to hard to keep a straight face, but he failed. More tears welled up in his eyes as he slowly shook his head, feeling the battle as the demon fought the human in him, causing the dull throb to start in his head.

Spike was so tempted to nod, to get in the car and drive away with his sire, but he knew it wasn't possible. He loved him too much to do that.

"It's much safer this way," he finally said. "And - hey - when you've stopped the world from ending, give me a ring, alright? 'Cause I'm staying right here, waiting for you. You've got the number."

Angel nodded slowly, not really understanding, but accepting - with bitterness. Then he took a step forward and kissed Spike lightly - slowly - before stepping back and getting into the car.

Thirty seconds later, Spike watched as the black DeSoto was engulfed by the darkness, only the taillights visible. He remained standing in that same spot until the darkness had swallowed every last trace of any taillight and any engine sound, leaving behind only the silence of the night.

And all the while, tears were cursing down his face in streams. Big, blank tears, glimmering in the light from the single street lamp like diamonds. He remained standing like that for a long time, the only movement being his tears, traveling down his cheeks and dripping off his chin, as a last proof of how much he loved his sire.