For All Eternity

Angel chuckled as his childe lay down on the floor and closed his eyes, his face scrunched up in a ridiculously happy grimace.

"Are you really that happy to be back?" the dark-haired vampire asked, putting the suitcase down by the wall.

Opening his eyes and sighing, Spike nodded. "Actually, it doesn't really matter where I am. I'd be just as happy if I was in - in Alaska, as long as I'm *not* on that bloody ship!"

Angel chuckled again and tilted his head to one side. "Oh, I don't know. I thought you looked cute, all green in the face and swearing your head off. Plus, I enjoyed playing nurse maid."

Spike stuck out his tongue at Angel and got to his feet. "Bah," he said, before stretching and yawning.

"So, despite the nausea and everything...was the trip worth it?" Angel asked. "I mean...you came along for a reason. You didn't *just* go with me because you love me."

He came with Angel because he was worried that visiting Buffy and her friends' graves might make Angel change his mind about who he loved. He was afraid that his sire would turn him down, but still he needed to be there when it happened. He didn't want Angel to come back and give him some teary speech. He needed to be there at that *exact* moment, and rather get it over with.

Luckily, this trip had proved Spike had nothing to worry about. Buffy was dead. She was gone, and even if she had been alive, Spike was fairly convinced she wouldn't stand a chance anymore. It made him feel all warm inside, and truth be told, it wasn't exactly a bad feeling.

"No, I didn't," Spike said, and one corner of his mouth tilted up. "You weren't the only one looking for closure back in good ol' Sunnyhell."

"So did you find it?" Angel asked, walking over to Spike and absently adjusting the collar of his childe's leather duster.

Spike reached up and took Angel's hand, halting his movements. "Yeah," he said quietly, with a slight nod. "I think I did."

He was planning on saying something more - he really was. He was planning on telling Angel exactly how much he loved the older vampire, and he was planning on telling him how happy he was that they had ran into each other almost two years ago - but then his yawn interrupted him.

"Hey, you slept," Angel protested. "We both slept. You were complaining about your nausea, and then I held you, and you fell asleep."

Angel had to smile at that. A small part of him wondered why he didn't feel that his childe was awake, but he ignored that little part. It wasn't important. "That was really thoughtful of you," he told his childe honestly.

Spike looked away and actually seemed to blush a little. Okay, he loved his sire with his entire undead being, and he supposed it really had been thoughtful of him to allow his sire to sleep in stead of making him listen to his many swears and dry heaving, but that didn't mean he liked to be reminded that he was turning more and more into a softie.

"Uh-huh," was the blonde's mumbled reply, before he gave Angel a quick kiss on the lips and dropped his hand, eager to change the subject. "So, our anniversary's coming up," he said.

"Do I get a present?" Spike asked, a giddy smile briefly replacing the tired expression on his face.

"Hey, I'm good," Spike protested. "I helped you get well again when you dragged your sorry ass back here from Romania, I floss my fangs, and I don't kill anymore except from when I'm really, really, really bored..."

Spike words were drawn out by another big yawn, and the dark-haired vampire chuckled. "Maybe we should go to bed?"

"Maybe," Spike agreed with a half-smile, looking into Angel's eyes under heavy lids. "So...do I get a present?"

Spike's half-smile grew just a little. "Perhaps," he said, "and perhaps not. We'll see. So what about me?"

Angel grinned at his childe, before he gave him a long, tender kiss. When he pulled back, the grin turned into a mysterious smirk. "'Perhaps,'" he said, mimicking Spike's accent. "'And perhaps not. We'll see.'"

"I know," Angel replied, before he sighed and glanced at his watch. "Only a couple of hours until sunrise. Wanna hit the sack? I think that you aren't the only one of us who needs to catch some sleep."

The two vampires shared another tender kiss before they walked towards the bedroom. Entering the dark room, Spike had stripped down to his boxers and was underneath the covers before Angel even had the time to turn on the light on the night stand and get his coat off. Raising an eyebrow at the younger vampire who had curled up underneath the covers, his eyes closed, Angel placed his coat over the back of a chair and started to unbutton his shirt.

Chuckling quietly to himself, Angel shook his head and took off his shirt and pants. Then he slid underneath the covers next to his sleeping childe, being careful not to rustle the bed too much so Spike woke up. Despite the sleep pulling on his body, Angel stayed awake for a few more minutes, just looking at Spike's face.

The younger vampire's chiseled features were one of the many reasons Angelus had turned William in the first place, and now, two hundred years later, Angel didn't regret it.

Sure, he had regretted it back in the nineties, when Spike was going after Buffy and creating all that trouble in Sunnydale, but now he had no regrets whatsoever. Turning William was the one thing Angel did when he was soulless that he didn't regret.

Smiling to himself, Angel chuckled a little as he remembered one night the two vampires had been watching a movie. It had been a real chick flick with lots of clichés, tragic love and a happy ending that was as sweet as sugar. Angel had liked it.

The first twenty minutes, it was really hard to concentrate on the movie, because all the dark-haired vampire could hear was Spike's complaints and gagging noises. The blonde had wanted to switch channel and find something with more action, but after some battling over the remote control, Spike had realized it was no use, and eventually his complaints had stopped. Instead he had curled up against Angel and watched the movie, faking a yawn every now and then.

Then, the movie had caught his interest when there had been a lovemaking scene, the blonde immediately demonstrating to Angel how many crude words and signs he knew, before he finally fell silent again. After the sex scene was done, the couple on the screen had looked happily at each other, and the female of the two had said 'I never thought it could feel that way.'

Angel had immediately expected one of Spike's smart-ass comments about wanting to heave, or some nice gagging sound effects, but it never came. Instead, the blonde vampire had sighed softly and, Angel suspected, unconsciously, before he had snuggled closer to his sire and whispered. "I knew that."

Angel smiled to himself and ran a finger down Spike's cheek. The blonde vampire really was a softie, but Angel loved it. He loved everything about his childe. He even loved the burning hate the blonde felt for his enemies, or his witty and sarcastic view on killing or maiming someone.

"I love you, Spike," Angel said quietly to his sleeping childe, running a finger down the bridge of his nose. "You."

When Angel woke up, he immediately wondered what had woken him up, but his confusion immediately disappeared as he became aware of the lubed fingers that were sliding in and out of his opening and the cool mouth around his cock.

Moaning, he looked down and saw Spike's blonde head bob over his penis, one of the blonde's hands playing with his balls and the other probing his hole.

When the older vampire stirred, Spike became aware that he was awake and he looked up. Moaning in disappointment that his childe's mouth left his hard member, Angel squirmed and thrust himself onto Spike's fingers, something which caused the blonde to grin.

Stunned and lost in a sea of emotions and sensations, Angel could only nod and groan as Spike's lips closed around his cock again, sucking and licking and stroking until the dark-haired vampire felt ready to burst.

It didn't take more than a few minutes before Angel's hands gripped the bedsheets tightly and he shot himself into Spike's mouth with a strangled cry of pleasure. Even as he let Angel's softening cock slip from between his lips, Spike didn't stop his ministrations with his fingers in Angel's tight hole, probing and thrusting, a large grin spreading on his face.

"Language, Angelus," Spike tsked, but still he removed his fingers and moved up the older vampire's body, hooking one of Angel's knees with his elbow along the way. Lowering his lips to Angel's, Spike let his tongue trail along the roof of his sire's mouth as he used one hand to spread the extra lube from his fingers onto his hard staff.

As his head pressed against Angel's opening, the older vampire suddenly chuckled against Spike's lips. Spike pulled back and looked curiously at the older man. "What?" the younger vampire asked, halting his movements. "What's funny?"

Angel gave a very un-Angel-like snort and shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, but he was still chuckling.

"Well, for one thing, *you're* up," Angel replied, causing Spike to roll his eyes at the bad joke. "And...well, I just...you make one hell of an alarm clock."

Angel just chuckled some more, before he shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving Spike's. "Never mind," he said, before he sighed in contentment as Spike slowly moved his hips forward, the head of his erection slipping into Angel.

As his lips once again met Angel's, Spike slowly pushed all the way into the older vampire. Letting go of the dark-haired vampire's knee, Spike allowed his sire to hook his legs firmly around his back before he started moving.

The thrusts started out slow and loving, their lips and tongues moving against each other in the same, teasing manner, but eventually Spike's thrusting picked up speed and both vampires started panting for air they really didn't need.

Angel's cock was rapidly growing to full erection again as Spike's abdomen rubbed against it with every move the blonde made. Finally breaking their kiss, Spike lowered his head to nibble at Angel's earlobe, a low purring coming from deep in his throat. When the blonde adjusted the angle a little so the head of his cock hit Angel's prostate, while reaching up with his hand to caress his neck, the older vampire came again, his dead seed coating their stomachs.

Spike's thrusting became frantic, and the blonde's purring turned into a loud growl before he climaxed, burying himself as deep in Angel as possible. When their breathing slowly returned to normal, Spike lifted his head and met his sire's eyes. His features changing, he growled quietly, his request hidden in his yellow eyes.

All of a sudden, words or movements or signs or actions or anything at all weren't necessary anymore. The world seemed to slow down and adjust until the two vampires moved in perfect sync with each other, their minds and bodies working together as one.

Tilting his head and baring his neck, Angel didn't even flinch when he felt Spike's fangs pierce the skin. Instead, he closed his eyes and felt his blood flowing into his childe's mouth. His own face morphing, Angel moved a little so he could reach the blonde's neck, before he sank his own fangs into the pale flesh.

His eyes rolling back into his skull, Spike shuddered violently as his own blood left his body. Something in the air changed, and the world seemed to fade around the two vampires. All that existed was themselves, the rich blood filling their mouth as they drank from each other.

Finally, they pulled back, licking the blood from their lips, before they kissed again. This kiss wasn't loving or tender or passionate, like when they made love - it was craving, full of need and desperate. Their fangs cut their lips, but the little blood that came from the cuts immediately disappeared in the kiss, as a proof of the bond they'd just created.

When they finally broke the kiss, they morphed back to their human features and leant their foreheads against each other, Spike's soft cock still buried deep within Angel.

"I love you, sire," Spike whispered back, before he slowly pulled out of Angel and cuddled up against the older vampire, closing his eyes. Angel placed an arm around the blonde and a kiss on his forehead, before he closed his eyes as well and sighed in contentment.

And as the two vampires drifted off to sleep together, the world around them slowly started to move again.

The dark-haired vampire chuckled quietly to himself when Spike snorted for the fifth time. Once again, Angel brushed his fingers down the bridge of Spike's nose, chuckling more as another snort came from the sleeping blonde.

"Spike, it's time to wake up," Angel said, raising his voice a little more. "It's past midnight already, and it's our anniversary."

Mumbling out some incoherent sentences, Spike moaned and turned over in bed. Sighing, Angel decided that the sweet wake-up call he'd planned on giving his childe would have to wait. The older vampire pulled on the sheets as he sat up, exposing his childe's lean body, before he froze for a couple of seconds - then he struck.

Hitting Spike's sides with his fingers, Angel tickled and pinched like a maniac, grinning widely the entire time.

Spike bolted upright in bed, screaming, wide awake in a second! "Angelus, Angelus, Angelus, Angelus!" he screamed, batting wildly at the hands tickling his sides, as Angel laughed loudly in a very un-Angel like manner.

"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" Spike begged through his loud gasps of laughter, gripping Angel's wrists to halt his movements, but Angel was both bigger and stronger than his childe, especially in the fits of laughter.

"Yes, yes, yes!" Spike yelled, screaming with laughter in between his words. "Now stop it, Angel, *please*!"

Finally, Angel decided to do as Spike wanted, and he released his childe, both vampires falling tiredly back towards the pillows, the laughter dying away - slowly, slowly. Still chuckling a little, Spike turned his head towards Angel and pricked him on the arm. "You bastard," he said around a small chuckle. "You *know* I can't stand getting tickled!"

"I woke you up in a much nicer way, and this is how you repay me?" Spike asked, sticking out his lower lip and putting on his best pout, before he stuck out his tongue at the older man.

Angel chuckled, then he just stared at the younger vampire for a few seconds, almost losing himself completely in the blue orbs. Even when he was pretending to be sulking, the blonde vampire was the most beautiful thing Angel had ever witnessed, and a corner of his mouth tilted up as he imagined Spike's reaction if Angel told him that.

The younger vampire would glare at him, before his face would scrunch up in a semi-disgusted mask, and he'd call Angel a bloody poof, or something of the like. Angel knew his childe.

Snapping out of his thoughts, a wicked grin spread across the dark-haired vampire's face. "You shouldn't walk around sticking your tongue out at people, and you know that," he said with a sigh. "There goes your present."

He stopped himself when he saw the amused glimmer in Angel's eyes. "That's not nice," he mumbled, sticking out his tongue once again.

"No, I said it was nice that it backfired, not that it was nice of you to say 'nice' to me after you said I wasn't nice."

"Well, I never said you were nice either, I just said that it wasn't nice to say that I'm nice, and that both of us weren't!"

Angel started to chuckle as Spike reconsidered his words. Then the blue orbs were filled with embarrassment and Spike ducked under the covers.

Angel's chuckles turned to quiet laugh and he tapped the covers in front of him. "Come out, Spike."

Spike had untangled himself from under the covers and was out the bedroom door within two seconds.

Two seconds later, he came toddling back into the room, an embarrassed expression on his face. Then he quickly slid into a pair of boxers and jeans, before heading towards the door again.

"Laugh it up, mister," he yelled to his sire, embarrassed over having run out of the bedroom stark naked. It was one thing going outside with only a pair of jeans on. That would be teasing deliberately, wanting women passing him to drool over him - but running outside without a thread on was something entirely different! Not even *Spike* was brave enough to do that.

"Well, at least I didn't make it out the front door," Spike mumbled to himself as he quickly put on his Doc Marten's, not bothering to lace them, and ventured out the front door.

In the bedroom, Angel was staring at the ceiling, concentrating hard on just listening. When the loud scream came, he chuckled to himself and tapped his finger against one of his knees. "Five, four, three, two one," he counted under his metaphorical breath.

When he reached zero, a very exited, very happy and very screaming peroxide blonde vampire came running into the bedroom.

Throwing himself towards his sire, Spike whooped loudly again and immediately scooped Angel up in a bone-crushing embrace, giving him a big kiss on the forehead. "Thankyouthankyou!" he screamed, releasing Angel and plopping down next to him on the bed, sighing deeply in contentment.

Smirking at his childe, Angel gave him a light kiss. "Happy anniversary. I trust you liked your present?"

"Liked???" Spike asked oblivious. "Loved! Where the hell did you find a 1959 DeSoto Fireflite? They're like...*impossible* to find *anywhere*! Believe me, I've looked!"

Spike chuckled and took the older vampire's hand, their fingers curling around each other. The older vampire felt Spike relax as he slowly started rubbing his palm with one of his fingertips, and the blonde sighed in contentment again. "Thanks, Sire. It's a great present."

"I know," Angel replied with a shrug. "I just felt I had to make it up to you, for crashing your Sportsman. You've been nagging me about that."

Spike shook his head, all his love for his sire welling up in him as he gave Angel a tender smile. "Sod the car," he said softly. "All I care about is you. I would gladly have crashed my car ten times over, as long as I was guaranteed you'd return alive. And you did. So I couldn't care less about that car."

Then he leaned forward and gave Angel a long, tender kiss, their lips not moving or demanding, but rather just touching in a loving gesture. When they pulled back, Angel gave Spike's hand an extra little squeeze, before he released him completely and crawled out of bed. "So, what do you wanna do tonight?" he asked.

Spike shrugged as he got out of bed as well, starting to look for his t-shirt. "Dunno. It's our anniversary. Something fun."

"Oh, yeah, right," Spike replied sarcastically. "Boats, seasick vampires, visiting graves - that's fun!"

"Although you're not entirely wrong," Spike said, continuing as if Angel never had spoken. "Because ninety-nine percent of the remaining time - when we're *not* on boats or visiting graves - we're shagging like maniacs, and that *is* quite fun, actually."

Angel stuck his tongue out at Spike, just as he started buttoning his black shirt. Then he silently groaned and rolled his eyes, annoyed with himself for picking up the younger vampire's childish habits.

"No, wait, I know!" Spike exclaimed, at the same time as he retrieved a black t-shirt from underneath the bed and pulled it on. "First, we'll take a trip to the pictures, then we'll go out and grab a night snack, and then we'll go for a nice, long drive in my new antique car - which I cherish and love almost as much as the man who gave it to me - and finally, we'll come back here just before dawn and spend the rest of the day doin' the horizontal. What do you say?"

Angel chuckled a little of his childe's speech, before he shook his head, amused. "Whatever you say, Spike."

The truth was, he really liked Spike's plan. Not because it would mean they'd have lots of sex later on - not *only* because - but because he really loved doing simple things with his childe. The times the two of them were sitting next to each other in a movie theatre, or when they were taking a nightly stroll together, talking about everything and anything - those were the times Angel truly cherished.

He had to smile to himself as he thought back on all their previous visits to the movies. Whether they were watching an action movie, or a splatter or a 'chick-flick', Spike would always - at some point during the first half hour - stretch, yawn, scratch his nose and then let his hand settle on top of Angel's. And there it would stay through the rest of the movie.

Angel didn't know why Spike just simply took his hand instead of going through the whole 'shy-teenager' routine, but he didn't really mind. Any contact with Spike was good.

Just as the dark-haired vampire finished buttoning his shirt, there was a light knock on the door, and both vampires froze, exchanging looks. They hardly knew anyone at all in London since they mostly kept to themselves, the other's company being more than enough. They hadn't spoken to Mark for ages, so they really doubted it was him.

Deciding it was just another salesman, Angel sighed and nodded, before he made his way out of the bedroom to the door to tell the salesman that they weren't interested in anything.

Standing in front of him, slightly see-through and shimmering in a glowing, blue light, was Buffy.

Lifting his hands to massage the sides of his head, he squeezed his eyes shut and tuned out the sounds of Angel and Buffy talking.

They had been sitting by the kitchen table for over two hours. Once the two vampires had gotten past their shock, their gaping, their stammering and their denial, they had finally recovered enough to get out a coherent sentence, so they could ask the blonde Slayer what was going on.

The answer was simple. In fact, it was so simple that they'd both mentally beaten themselves for not figuring it out immediately, and them mentally beaten themselves for being surprised about it, after over 200 years of existence.

Then they'd all sat down at the kitchen table, and Buffy had begun her story. About a week after her death, she'd suddenly woken up, at first not understanding anything, but then realizing she was a ghost. She assumed she had something unresolved on earth, but she had no idea what it was. Therefore she had no way of finishing her unfinished business, and had stayed behind all these years.

She's stayed in Sunnydale and eventually had come to like being a ghost, because it was so funny to scare vampires and demons. Of course, there were lonely times. The few people who saw her got scared and instantly ran screaming away. With nobody to talk to and pretty much nothing to do besides scare vampires shitless for sixty years, you're bound to feel pretty abandoned.

Angel's eyes had filled with tears and he had to smile when Buffy told about her loneliness for the past sixty years. His soul had cried for her, and yet he had been filled with pride and even been slightly amused.

Spike had watched the small smile as it spread across his sire's face, and the tears in his eyes with mixed emotions. One part of him was incredibly jealous and worried that seeing the blonde Slayer again, even after so many years, would make the dark-haired vampire fall in love with her again. The other part of him kept insisting it wasn't possible and that Angel loved *him* and only him, not Buffy.

It also reminded him how he'd react if Drusilla suddenly had walked through the door, and it made him feel a little better. He knew that if his Dark Queen had come back to him, he'd have some serious sorting out to do, but that wouldn't make his love for Angel fade.

Angel and Buffy were different, because they weren't dark. Their love wasn't evil, their love wasn't pure vampire. Their love was mixed, dark and light, good and evil, vampire and Slayer. And that was different.

And the jealous part of Spike seemed for some reason a lot more convincing, anyway. So even though he couldn't help it, the jealousy and sorrow continued to grow in Spike, finally coming to a rest as a big lump in his throat, making it hard for him to swallow.

"Yeah, I bloody well know," Spike replied, in a harder voice than he meant to. "You don't have to tell me Slayer, I was there! I just wondered what you were saying!"

Buffy didn't repeat her sentence and instead said as little as possible so she wouldn't upset Spike further. She realized he was jealous and afraid of losing Angel's love, but she desperately wanted to prove him wrong. Unfortunately, what was meant to be an action of reassurance and care instead turned hostile.

The peroxide-blonde vampire didn't get Buffy's true meaning behind her silence and instead felt left out from something Buffy was willing to share with Angel and not him. The look she sent Angel also spoke volumes to him, and he didn't even stop to debate on whether he was *right* or not.

It didn't make him angry, though. Instead, he just got sad and the lump in his throat grew and grew until it felt as though his neck was ready to explode from the inside. Swallowing hard, he stood.

"Oh," he simply said, before pushing the chair away from the table. He didn't want to show his sorrow, and especially not in front of the blonde Slayer. He wasn't an emotional sap, he told himself, despite the many teary-eyed and loving moments he'd spent with his sire.

"I'm going to grab a smoke," he said shortly before walking towards the door, desperately needing the nicotine to calm his at the moment too edgy nerves.

He looked after Spike for a few seconds, before turning back to the blonde Slayer-ghost, a sad expression now on his face. He was aware that his childe was both jealous and afraid. Buffy's sudden re-appearance in their unlives had made him insecure of his sire's love for him, and Angel realized he probably needed some time alone.

The dark-haired vampire knew that his childe was most likely to go for a walk somewhere to clear his head. The blonde wouldn't simply just settle for standing outside and smoking, no, Angel knew he'd go somewhere to get both his sire and the Slayer at a fair distance, allowing him to think more easily.

"So...," he said to Buffy, trying to will his worried thoughts away from Spike. "Why are you here?"

She trailed off and stared down at her lap for a moment. "I kinda thought that maybe, if I was lucky, I'd find out what my 'unfinished business' is, and I can take care of it and move on."

A corned of Angel's mouth was raised just a little. "Let's see what we can do about that, okay?" he said, before standing. "But not now. You'll have to be alone for a few more hours. I have to go find Spike, okay?"

Angel stopped and turned. A million different emotions flickered across Buffy's face like small waves in a river. "Yeah?"

The Slayer was silent for a few moments, trying to find the right words to express herself, before she met the vampire's eyes. "Listen, I...I know I may have..."

"It's okay," Angel said quickly - quicker than he really meant to. Then he sighed and moved a little as he shook his head slightly annoyed with himself. "I...Spike...We've had some problems."

"One year exactly, today," Angel replied, then reconsidered his words. "Or...well...," he started before Buffy could congratulate on their anniversary. When he trailed off, the blonde Slayer looked at him with a part curious, part worried expression on her face.

Angel sighed, wondering whether he should tell Buffy about Whistler and the prophecy or not. Deciding it could only help Buffy understand things better, he bit his lip and looked away for a moment. "About two years ago, we...we..."

"We kissed. Got together. Spike had problems after Drusilla left him and was very insecure about himself and about us. Then an old friend came to visit. He told us about this prophecy that told us I had to go and close a second Hellmouth in Romania. Whether I survived it or not didn't matter, because the Hellmouth would be closed by my will to do good and to make a sacrifice for the human race, and not by succeeding or not."

"So you went off to get killed," she said weakly, before shaking her head slowly, remembering the time she died at the hands of the Master. "Prophecies are never good."

Angel had to chuckle a little at that, before he got serious again. "I won't exactly argue with that," he replied before he got serious again, his dead heart aching in his chest over the memories of the night the two vampires had said their goodbyes.

In his head, Spike's half-choked and sorrowful voice still rang out clearly, and he still remembered the feeling of his heart breaking when Spike told him he imagined things were okay - for just a minute. Just the thought of it made it hard for Angel to hold his tears back.

"Spike couldn't come. If he did, we'd all die. It could only be me. We had a hard time about that. The both of us. But then I made it. I got back exactly one year ago from today. I was badly injured. He took care of me."

The words even hurt *now*, despite the fact that the actions they described had taken place over a year ago. A flicker of pain washed quickly across his face as the pain in his heart became to great to hide, and he hoped the ghost before him hadn't seen it, but when he thought about it, she probably had since she'd kept her Slayer-reflexes and powers even in death.

The blonde Slayer nodded weakly, looking away for a short moment. "Are you happy with him?" she then asked quietly.

Angel didn't hesitate for a second. "Yes," he replied, his voice holding such determination and care that it moved the very center of Buffy's being. "Yes, I am. Very happy. I love him above everything on earth."

Silence settled over the apartment as their eyes met and locked. Sadness and memories of the past were reflected in them both, yet the strength they had both needed to survive was burning so strong in them, next to all the hurt.

Time seemed to stop, and for a second - only a split second - they had never broken up. Angel never left, and they were just a normal couple, with all the time in the world together.

The fact that just a look at Buffy could paralyze him like that scared him. His heart belonged completely to Spike, and he knew not even Buffy could change that. But the fact that just one look could bring up memories so strong, scared him to the very center of his soul.

He didn't want those memories, he didn't want to remember so clearly how it was to love Buffy with his entire being. He couldn't love Buffy anymore, he didn't *want* to love Buffy anymore, he wanted and he *needed* to love Spike. Not Buffy. And even though his love for his childe moved him through his entire body, he knew he was weak enough for it to fade.

After all, his love for Buffy had faded for his love for Spike once. What was to say his love for Spike wouldn't fade for that for Buffy?

Taking another step back, Angel shook his head once, barely visible. Buffy could see the fright and confusion written across his face, and for some reason, her heart cried. She could feel his fear, and she simply knew what he wanted - no, what he needed.

Then, without another word, he turned and disappeared out the door, leaving Buffy alone in the room. She remained staring at the door for several long moments, before she floated to the floor without a sound, her transparent body completely silent.

Spike turned slightly when he heard Angel's voice. "What are you doing here?" he asked, trying to hide the sorrow in his voice.

"I came to talk to you," Angel replied, walking over to stand next to Spike on the edge of the roof, looking out over London.

It hadn't been hard finding Spike. When Angel came out, the new car was gone, but still Angel found Spike within an hour. Somehow, he just knew that he'd come here - to the very same rooftop where he'd intended on killing himself so long ago. In reality it wasn't more than just under three years, but it seemed like a lifetime.

Spike was silent for a while, not replying to Angel's comment. Then he just looked down for a minute, twirling the lit cigarette in his hand between his fingers. "So...?" he asked, his voice slightly hoarse. "Are you going back to her?"

Angel knew the question was coming. He had expected it all along, really - and yet, it surprised him. "Spike," he said quietly, his voice filled with affection. Affection for Spike, and only Spike. "She's a ghost. She's dead. She hasn't been in my life for sixty years. A sudden visit isn't going to change that."

When Spike kept his eyes glued to the ground, Angel moved so he was facing his childe, and lifted his hands, placing them on Spike's neck. "I'm with you, Spike. Get it?"

Spike raised his eyes for a few seconds, hesitation and doubt reflected in the blue diamonds. Then he looked down again, the sorrowful expression on his face unchanging.

"Spike," Angel repeated, placing a finger under his chin and lifting his head up. "Look at me. I love you, okay? Buffy isn't going to change that. Nothing will."

"Yeah?" Spike asked, bitterness tingeing his voice. "You are so blind! Why do you think she's back, huh? What do you think she wants?"

Quickly twisting away from Angel, Spike threw away his cigarette butt and made a frustrated moan. "Cor, you can't even see what's right in front of you!" he said, his voice rising and his sorrow fading for anger. "She *knows* what she has to do, you bloody poof! She wants to be with you, and she wants you to love her, and she *doesn't* want you to be with me!"

"Just leave it, Angel. It doesn't matter now, anyway. I mean, it's only like...what, a few hours left, and our anniversary isn't our anniversary anymore, because it's the next day. And believe me, I'm not wrong in what I'm saying about the Slayer! It's not like she could just tell you, you know! But she still loves you with her entire being, and she won't go away until you love her back equally as much!"

Angel sighed and shook his head once as he listened to Spike's somewhat broken sentences. He could feel the sorrow and insecurity radiating from the peroxide blonde in waves, but at the same time he felt the stubbornness and anger his childe felt, and it upset him. "Listen to yourself, Spike! Do you really believe a word of what you're saying? Because if you do, you really are stupid!"

"Oh, yeah, great, thanks, mate," Spike replied sarcastically, spitting out the last word as if it was poison. "That really cheered me up!"

"Don't you see?" Angel asked, his own temper flaring a little at his childe's doubt in him. "I *love* you, Spike! I love you so much it *hurts* twenty-four seven, and I'll always love you that much, and *nothing* can change that! Ever!"

Angel's feelings were racing with his words, and his still heart was confused. He didn't lie to Spike, he meant every word of it. He loved the peroxide blonde vampire so much it really hurt, and he wasn't worried that his love for Spike would fade just because Buffy was back. But he *was* worried that his feelings for Buffy would stir in him, as well as the love he had for Spike.

Spike heard Angel's words, but at the same time he saw the hesitation and confusion in the golden-brown orbs that were Angel's eyes, and he knew something wasn't right.

"Do you have problems understanding English or something? I said, just FUCKING GO AWAY, ANGELUS!"

Angel stood frozen in his place for several seconds, before he nodded once. "Okay," he said, knowing and reluctantly accepting that Spike wasn't in the mood for talk right now. "I'll go. But we have to talk about this when you get home."

Spike watched him go for a few seconds, before he turned back to look out over London. "Yeah, well maybe I won't come home, then," Spike mumbled to himself, before he pulled out another cigarette and lit it.

They thought that Spike had gone out and gotten into a bar fight, and would come crawling back to the apartment later, battered and bloody, complaining and cursing his head off.

He knew that his childe had an unusual talent for finding trouble - or being found by trouble - and the dark-haired vampire knew that was probably what had happened this time, too. It had happened more than once, both now and in the past when he was still soulless, that he'd received a call or a message from Spike, telling him to come and get him out of whatever jam he'd gotten himself into.

It wasn't like Spike couldn't fight back; no, Spike was one of the best fighters Angel had even known. But a drunk Spike was something entirely different, something Angel didn't even want to think about. Not to mention a drunk *and* depressed Spike!

Buffy glanced once more at the pacing vampire in front of her, before she sighed deeply and sat down by the kitchen table. "Angel, relax, he'll be back."

Angel stopped his pacing and looked at Buffy, both worried and slightly annoyed that she could be so calm. "Will he?" he asked, his voice shaking nervously. "It's been a week, Buffy! He would have been back by now!"

Sighing and running a hand nervously through his mussed hair, the vampire shook his head. He hadn't seen Spike since the night on the roof. The dark-haired vampire had at first shrugged it off and told himself that Spike needed some time alone to sort things out, but by the third day he was starting to worry.

He was not only worried, he was also angry at Spike for just disappearing like this, whether it was his fault or not. Angel knew that Spike needed time to think over things, but by leaving he'd involuntarily brought Buffy and Angel closer, and wasn't it just that they tried to avoid?

"God, stupid childe," Angel muttered, glancing nervously at the fading spot of sun at the floor, coming through a small hole in one of the heavy dark curtains that covered the window. "Come on," he urged to the setting sun outside.

The past nights he'd spent searching for his childe, but to no avail. Angel had asked around and talked to demons and other vampires in the large city - he'd even tracked down some of Spike's old minions - but nobody had seen or heard from the peroxide-blonde vampire.

The blonde Slayer by the kitchen table watched Angel with sad eyes. Never had she seen him so worried and rough looking. His hair was mussed, and he had black rings under his eyes, testifying to the fact that he hadn't slept nearly enough. Buffy knew for sure that he hadn't changed his clothes for at least four days, and his face was still streaked with dirt and small spots of dried blood after a nasty run-in with some of Spike's very hostile ex-minions.

She knew he worried about his childe, and she knew how much he loved him, but in her eyes, this was starting to get sad.

Angel shook his head and choked a yawn as he started pacing again. "No, I can't...I can't, because Spike...He's - he's too, he has too short a temper. He could be in trouble, or he...I have - I have to find him...!"

Sighing, Buffy stood up and walked over to Angel, placing one transparent hand on his shoulder, stopping his pacing. "Angel...You need to sleep."

"I can't," Angel replied, taking a deep and shuttering breath as he stepped away from her touch.

He didn't expect Buffy to understand the love he felt for Spike. The love he shared with the peroxide blonde vampire was something completely different than the love he'd once shared with the petite Slayer. The love he felt for his childe, the bonds they'd tied, the choices they'd been forced to make, the things they'd gone through and the tears they'd both shed... Nothing could be compared with it.

Besides, Angel knew his childe too well to not be worried. If he'd only been gone for a couple of days - fine. The dark-haired vampire's main worry would then only have been that his childe would come home drunk as a skunk and throw up somewhere he shouldn't. That had happened on more than one occasion.

Glancing nervously towards the hole in the curtains, the dark-haired vampire saw that the sun had set. Returning his gaze to the ghost next to him, he sighed and shook his head once. "I have to search for him," he said, before he walked towards the door, grabbing his coat on the way. Quickly exiting, Angel ignored the blonde Slayer when she called his name. She wasn't going to stop him.

Briefly, the dark-haired man wondered if his childe could have skipped town, but then he shook his head, refusing to even consider it. No, Spike was still in London, Angel was sure of it. Unfortunately, London was a big city.

Once he was out on the street, some of Angel's nervousness seemed to fade a little, and he took a deep breath, letting the cool night air calm him. He needed to think clearly if he was going to stand a chance in finding Spike. He only hoped his childe was okay and not hurt in any way.

Biting his lip, Angel forced back the tears that threatened to surface in his eyes, as the thought struck him that apart from the fact that the blonde could have skipped town, there was a tiny chance Spike could be dead. But he refused to accept that. His Will always made it. His Will could take care of himself. Even when he was drunk.

Sighing and shaking his head once, because he knew it wasn't the truth, Angel blinked back a few more tears, before he headed down the street.

Angel turned to face Buffy as he took off his coat and threw it carelessly across a chair. "No," he replied shortly, sadness written clearly across his face. The dark-haired vampire was soaked to the skin, but he didn't really care, the disappointment over not finding his childe overshadowing everything else.

The vampire had been on his way home when it had started to rain. A lot. And of course, it had continued to rain until the second Angel stepped through the door to the apartment. Dimly, the souled vampire wondered if things could possibly get any worse. It was only around two hours until sunrise, and Angel hated it. If he'd had anything to say about it, the sun would have stayed gone so he could continue searching for Spike until he found the peroxide blonde, rain or no rain.

Angel pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes momentarily shut, as he tried to clear his mind. He was dead tired. For some reason, not one of the people, both living and unliving, in the enormous city that was London, had seen Spike. Angel had even worked his way to the very outskirts of the city, both above and below ground, but still no luck. Spike had vanished.

The fact that Spike himself might have left town for good was a fact Angel simply refused to deal with.

Because if that was true, Angel knew his heart would never be the same. He would probably kill himself if Spike were dead, but if the peroxide-blonde vampire had left him of his own free will, he would die instantly of the heartbreak.

A sympathetic look crossed Buffy's face, and she walked over to Angel and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Angel. He'll show up," she said comfortingly as she started to rub his back in a soothing gesture.

Both Angel and Buffy froze when they heard the voice. Then they slowly turned, Buffy taking a step back from Angel in the process, knowing very well how Angel wanted things to be between them. And the one time she'd dared to cross that line, Spike had to show up.

Angel, on the other hand, didn't even seem to think about it. Instead, he just stood there, staring wide-eyed at his childe.

Tears of joy came to the dark-haired vampire's eyes again as he saw Spike standing by the door, and he had to restrain himself in order to stay where he was and not immediately run over to his childe and kiss him forever. The relief over seeing Spike again was so great, Angel didn't even care about the grim expression on his childe's face or the almost empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.

Then he couldn't hold back anymore. Crossing the floor in two short steps, Angel placed his arms around the younger vampire, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. Burying his face in Spike's neck, he hid the tears of joy and relief that fell from his eyes.

Spike was back. His Spike, his childe, his Will, his love - he was back and he was safe, and it was all real. Oh, God, it was real, and he was there right now, and Angel had his arms around him! Blinking away more tears, the dark-haired vampire dimly had an idea of how Spike must have felt when he was gone.

First when his eyes were dry and his mind had overcome the most intense waves of joy, he noticed that the peroxide blonde's arms were hanging limply by his sides, and that he didn't return the hug in any way.

Immediately worried that something was wrong, Angel pulled back. He was still too emotional to feel the anger in Spike, threatening to surface. "Spike, are you okay?" he asked.

Spike nodded, but didn't look at Angel. Instead, his hard, steel cold gaze was glued to the blonde Slayer-ghost, standing a short distance behind them. "I'm peachy," he said, his voice practically dripping with sarcasm and alcohol. "And so are you two, apparently." Then he looked Angel up and down. "Although you look like shit."

Walking around Angel and towards the kitchen, Spike followed Buffy with his eyes while taking a swig of the bottle in his hand. Some of the golden liquid trickled out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. Once he was in the kitchen, he turned to the refrigerator and immediately concentrated hard on going through what little was there.

He'd spent the past days in various bars, ignoring the few bartenders that had told him a man had been around asking for him. Instead, he'd bribed them into silence, not wanting his sire to find him. As it was, Spike was only returning to the apartment for the money he knew Angel always kept stashed away on a shelf in the bedroom.

It hadn't been difficult to sneak into the apartment without being noticed, even in his drunken state, and it had been even easier to get into the bedroom and get the money there. It wasn't until he was on his way out that Spike had noticed the two figures on the kitchen, hugging tightly.

Through Spike's heartache, jealousy and drunken stupor, he couldn't recognize the signs that showed that the hug was a comforting gesture - all he saw was the love of his life hugging his ex. Strangely, it didn't make him lose control, it didn't make him scream and rage - instead, he felt strangely calm. Not entire calm, but calm enough to feel lethal.

Angel had watched him go with confusion at first, but once he managed to collect his thoughts, he could feel the anger radiating from his childe.

"Both," came the sharp reply from the kitchen over the sounds of things being moved around in the refrigerator.

"Go away," Spike said before he emptied the bottle of whiskey in his hand, and pulled out a beer can from the refrigerator. "Don't wanna talk to you."

Angel placed a hand on his shoulder and tried to make him face him. Instead, Spike just shrugged away from Angel, opening the beer and taking a large gulp.

"Spike, come on," Angel said as a feeling of helplessness washed over him. He wasn't sure what was making Spike so angry, and he didn't know how to make it right. "Where have you been?" he asked.

"We were worried about you," Angel said, once again walking over to Spike. "Don't just disappear like that, okay? I get scared."

"Yeah," Spike replied with a snort. "You looked like you were really having a hard time with it."

"Hey, be nice to Angel," Buffy said, walking into the kitchen. "You have been gone for eight days. You took off without letting any of us know where you went. For all we knew, you could be dust, floating around in the gutter somewhere! We were worried sick."

Spike just sent the blonde Slayer an icy stare and took another sip of the beer. "Yeah, I could see that," he spat out, his words slightly slurred from the alcohol.

"Hey!" Buffy said, now slightly angry with Spike's behavior. "Is this about me? Because, believe it or not, I never meant to come between you and Angel, and I'm not trying to! I can't, and I won't. I know the two of you have had a lot to deal with, what with the prophecy and stuff, but that's still no reason for you to-"

"That is something between you and me, and it hasn't got the FUCK to do with *her*!" Spike practically shouted angrily, the alcohol clearly affecting his temper.

"It doesn't do any harm," Angel said. "Besides, I didn't know that you didn't want her to know!"

"You could have used your friggin' brain, for once!" Spike shouted, setting the beer can down hard on the kitchen table. "It shouldn't be too fucking hard to figure out what I think and how I feel about the whole thing!"

"Spike," Buffy said with a sigh, trying to stop the fight from developing further. "I understand, and Angel didn't tell me all the details-"

"Yeah, I bet he left out all the juicy parts," Spike said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Or maybe he *did* describe to you in detail about our hot'n'heavy night together, and how I turned into a cry-baby!"

"Spike," Buffy said again, "he didn't tell me about that. He just told me that you both had a hard time, and I completely understand. I mean, I would have been devastated if something similar happened to me."

"Yeah, that's right, you and our man Angel here, have become such good friends!" Spike spat out, picking up the beer again and taking a large sip.

Spike just glared at the ghost for several seconds, before he made a face and emptied the beer can. "Wow, Miss Brainstorm, you figured it out!" he said coldly, before he crushed the beer can with his hand and threw it carelessly over his shoulder and into the sink.

"Spike, don't," Angel said with a sigh. He was starting to get desperate. He knew he had to convince his childe that he was the only one he loved, but he had no idea how to do so. When Spike was both drunk and in the mood he was currently in, he was the most stubborn person Angel knew.

It didn't help that his childe's behavior also made Angel feel completely helpless, something he rarely did. He knew that no matter what he said or did, the peroxide blonde vampire would have something to say back - some smart remark that would make it pointless to speak in the first place.

"What?" Spike asked, cutting Angel off. "Sort out what? If you really love me, and only me, like you keep insisting on, then there's nothing to sort out, now is there?"

"Spike, you're acting really childish," Angel told him desperately, in lack of something better to say.

"Yeah, and so are you," Spike said, before he pointed to himself. "But I'm drunk - what's your excuse?"

"Okay, enough!" Buffy suddenly shouted, catching both vampires' attention. "Spike, listen to me!"

"Listen to me!" Buffy demanded again, louder this time. "Angel loves you with his entire being, believe me I know! I know Angel, and I know that when he falls in love, it lasts!"

"Yeah, but he fell in love with you first, now didn't he?" Spike asked quietly, his anger now pushed aside and replaced with sorrow.

Silence settled heavy across the room, all three supernatural beings looking at each other and not saying a word. Finally, Spike gave Angel a long look before he walked past him and towards the door.

Spike was standing on a grass hill just outside the city, looking out over London. The grass was slippery and the ground was soft under his feet from the rain earlier, and whenever the blonde shifted his weight, he could hear a squishing sound under his foot.

There were several hills like this around and in the enormous city. Since the world's cities continued to grow, more and more forest, grass, hills and nature in general had been swallowed, so the hills had been made to preserve some of the nature.

When the idea came, Spike had thought it was ridiculous. Right now, he was pretty happy with them. It allowed him to be alone for a little while and clear his mind, as a contrast to the rooftops. That would be the first place Angel would look for him, and right now he needed to be alone more than any time before.

The peroxide blonde vampire knew the sun would be up within an hour, but he had already blacked out the windows in his car, so he would be able to drive back to the apartment even after the sun had risen.

Sighing, Spike looked up towards the sky - it was dark straight above and behind him, but in the horizon, it had started to brighten slightly, preparing for the coming day.

The blonde looked out over the city again, blinking away a few tears. The alcohol had started to wear off him, but his brain still wasn't fully functional. It suited him just fine.

He didn't *want* to think serious thoughts right now. He just wanted to stand on the grass hill and think about anything that fell into his head - he didn't want to try to find a solution to his and Angel's problems - not now. There would be time for that later.

"Because I care about you," the dark-haired vampire replied, walking over to stand next to Spike. "Because I love you."

"Do you?" Spike asked, turning his head and meeting Angel's eyes. The souled vampire felt a sharp sting in his heart as he saw the pain reflected in his childe's eyes, and felt the blonde vampire's broken heart.

"I mean, how can I be sure?" Spike asked. He was still a bit drunk, and it made him a lot more emotional than he wanted to be. "I don't...I can't know. Not for sure."

Angel felt tears come to his eyes at Spike's words. Turning, he placed his arms around the younger vampire and captured his lips in a tender kiss. When he pulled back, he lifted a hand and ran a finger down Spike's cheek.

"Yes, you can," he said, trying to put as much tenderness and love into his words as possible. "If you only allow yourself to try, you can."

Spike looked down for a minute as he blinked back the tears pricking in his eyes. "Can I?" he asked, when he raised his head again. "I mean, how can I be sure that you won't run back to Buffy tomorrow or next week or in five years?"

"Yeah!" Spike said, his eyes blank. "And she was also a Slayer - someone you were supposed to hate and kill! Yet that didn't seem to stop you back then!"

Angel shook his head weakly and shrugged, saddened by his childe's words. He knew that the blonde meant them to hurt, but unfortunately that didn't make them any less true. He *had* loved someone who was supposed to be his enemy, and that meant he could also love a ghost.

"You'll have to trust me," Angel said quietly, hoping his quietly spoken words would calm his childe. "And if you trust me, you'll know."

Spike swallowed heavily and fought back more tears. Then he met Angel's eyes again. "I can't," he replied. "I'm sorry, I...I just...I can't."

"Spike," Angel said, his voice sounding just a little bit more desperate than he liked. "Are you that blind? Can't you see how much I love you? Can't you see it every time you look into my eyes?"

He paused and took Spike's hand, placing it over his heart. "Can't you feel it? In here? Every time we make love?"

Spike just stared at the large hand covering his for several long moments, and time seemed to stop. He really wanted to say it was true, that he could feel it, but the problem was that he wasn't sure anymore.

Removing his hand from Angel's chest, Spike pulled it back and let it slip from Angel's pale fingers.

"I thought I could," he replied hoarsely. "Now I'm not that sure, anymore. People's feelings can change. I mean...I loved Drusilla for so many years. Now I..." He paused and swallowed again, ducking his eyes.

"Yeah, exactly," Angel said with a nod. "You loved her for over one and a half centuries. I loved Buffy for around a decade. You have fallen in love again. What's to say I haven't?"

If Drusilla were to show up again, she would undoubtedly have brought with her a whole world of troubles for the two vampires, including emotional ones, but Spike knew that he would never love her again. Not like that.

"See?" Angel asked, desperate to make Spike realize how much he really meant to him. He loved his childe above everything on earth, even when he was stubborn and drunk and completely hopeless. And he needed his childe to realize that it wouldn't change, no matter what happened.

"But I don't have a soul," Spike told the older vampire. "You do. That makes a big difference between the two of us."

"Yes, it does," Spike insisted, his voice quivering. "It makes a *very* big difference between the two of us. It makes you more human. I know most vampires wouldn't go back to their ex-honey, but a human might have!"

"I wouldn't," Angel said immediately, shaking his head, fighting back his tears. Yet one seemed to escape, and it trickled down his cheek, reflecting the many lights coming from the city. Taking a nervous glance at the brightening horizon, Angel sighed.

"Is she there?" Spike asked, spitting out 'she' like if he couldn't stand the taste of that word in his mouth.

"Yes," Angel told him honestly. "But it shouldn't really matter. Come on, Spike. We can sort this out together, if you'd just work with me a little here."

The word were out of his mouth before he could stop them, but the second they reached his childe's ears, he inwardly cringed and wished he'd managed to keep his big mouth shut. And as the blonde met his eyes dead on, he knew he'd started a verbal, and possible physical, war.

Kicking the ground and walking in a small circle, Spike shook his head, clenching his jaw. Then he stopped and lit a cigarette, trying to keep himself from saying anything stupid. Of course, the alcohol was still having a slight effect on him, and he blew a large cloud of gray smoke into Angel's face.

"I may be acting childish," he stated in a low, deadly voice, "but I think I have my reasons. Don't you?"

The blonde spat out the last words towards Angel before taking a long pull of the cigarette. "I mean, I always knew that even if I had your love, I'd be living in Buffy's shadow. *Buffy* this and *Buffy* that, and all the cuddly memories the two of you have from the three fucking years you were together! Of course, the *century* *we* had meant nothing, right??? All that mattered was the precious fucking Slayer, of all people!"

"Spike, you know I could only love her because of my soul," Angel said quietly, trying to calm Spike, but the blonde was already on a roll, waving his arms wildly around as he talked, occasionally pausing for a second, to take a pull of his cigarette.

"Yeah, sure, blame it on the bloody soul! 'Cause if it wasn't for that soddin' thing, you would never have loved someone who's supposed to your enemy, right? Well, let me tell you one thing, *mate,* that even as that un-souled bastard you were when you returned to us, you had a BIG yen for the Slayer, and I don't mean the 'let's-kill-and-maim-her' way!"

The blonde vampire pointed at Angel with two pale fingers, the cigarette held firmly between them. "You hated the bitch because you loved her! You hated her because even when you were a soulless bastard, she made you feel, and you hated that! So don't give me any crap about you not being able to, or simply won't, fall in love with her again, because I know that even Angelus could love that bitch!"

When Spike fell silent, Angel just looked at him, the older vampire on the verge of breaking down and sobbing. The blonde's words were cutting deeper into his heart than he liked, and he didn't know what he could possibly say to Spike to convince him that he loved him.

"Spike...," Angel finally said in a calm voice, sighing deeply as his teary eyes met Spike's. "Listen to me. I love you, okay? I don't know what else to say to you, and I don't know what would make you see that it's true. I can't even imagine *not* loving you, not even for a second. I long for you ever single second of the day, and even when you're there I just want to hug you and kiss you and never let you go!"

The blonde snorted and turned away from Angel for a moment, taking a long pull of his cigarette. "Pathetic...," he mumbled.

"Yeah?" Angel asked from behind him, the dark-haired vampire's voice now quivering. "Well, then that counts for something, don't you think? Because I seem to recall that you once said that it was always the most pathetic scenes in a movie that created the romance!"

Spike froze and closed his eyes, pain cutting through his body as the anger gradually left. Yes, he had said that once, in a 'soft moment.' Now he regretted ever saying it. He wished Angel would just go away and leave him alone with his pain, but at the same time he desperately wanted his sire to stay.

Spike was still convinced that his sire would go back to the Slayer sooner or later, but at the same time, the blonde just wanted Angel to stay and convince him he was wrong. If he'd only let himself believe him, that is...

"How can I know you're telling the truth?" Spike asked in a half-choked voice, before he turned around and met Angel's eyes. "I mean...I see the doubt in your eyes."

"Is that all you see?" Angel asked, taking a step closer to his childe. "Don't you see the love there? Because if you don't see it, then I..."

He trailed off and shook his head, blinking away his tears. "I don't know, Spike. I just...I need you, and I need you to love me, and I need to be with you. Please don't shut me out like this."

When Spike looked away, flicking his cigarette away, a tear rolled down Angel's cheek and he took yet another step closer. "Will, I love you!" he said, desperately, before glancing at the rapidly brightening sky.

Spike gave a frustrated groan and kicked the ground hard, so wet dirt and muddy water flew up around him.

"Dammit, Angel-" he started, but then he was abruptly cut off as his sudden movements caused him to slip in the mud and slide down the hill.

Before he really knew what was happening, Angel slipped as well and rolled down the hill after the peroxide blonde. The entire situation had been pretty comical - if it hadn't been for the large rocks a little further down the hill.

As the two vampires saw the rocks coming closer, both started to claw frantically at the ground, trying to stop their trek, but they didn't get a hold on anything. Everything was slippery and muddy after the rain, and there was nothing they could do.

The blonde reached the rocks first, crashing into them at high speed and immediately screaming at the top of his lungs as pain wrecked his body when the rock split his skull open. Then his scream was cut off when the older man came crashing into him and all the air he really didn't need rushed out of his lungs. The two vampires didn't even have time to realize that they had stopped, before they started moving again, the rocks starting to roll from the impact.

As the two vampires and several rocks rolled down the hill in a mix of mud, water and blood, Angel's scream of pain was swallowed by the sound of rumbling rocks.

At the same time, Buffy froze completely, stopping her pacing. Staying perfectly still for several moments, her head finally snapped up as she sensed something was wrong. Quickly glancing out the kitchen window, she saw the brightening sky and immediately knew that it was less than thirty minutes to sunrise.

A second later, all that was left in the apartment was a faint sparkle where the ghost had been.

Angel slowly opened first one eye, then the other, and found himself staring directly at Spike's ear. At first he didn't quite realize where he was, or why he was pressed chest to chest with a very muddy and wet Spike, but then it all came back to him. Looking around, Angel saw that not only was he pressed flush on top of his childe, they were both jammed between the rocks they'd crashed into.

It was a bit hard to say what was up and down at the moment, but Angel didn't really care. All he cared about was getting away, and getting away right now! Groaning again, the dark-haired vampire tried to move, but immediately had to hold back a scream in pain as he felt something large and heavy poke him in the back.

Gritting his teeth, Angel turned his head as carefully as he could and saw that a large rock was laying halfway on top of him, an edge buried deeply in a large wound in his back.

Turning back to the vampire laying underneath him, Angel tried to remove as much of his weight as possible by supporting himself on his elbows without pressing himself further onto the rock above him.

"Spike?" he asked. It was meant to be a quiet, tentative whisper, but it came out as a half-choked, strained groan.

When the blonde vampire stirred slightly, then brought up a hand to wipe at the mud covering his face and eyes, Angel sighed in relief.

"Yeah," the blonde replied in the same, strained voice as Angel, before he inhaled sharply, making an angry, wheezing sound as he did so.

"Don't know," Spike replied, biting his teeth together as he slowly opened his eyes and blinked away the mud. "Hurts...My leg hurts like hell. And my chest."

"Okay, okay, take it easy," Angel said, trying to ignore the enormous pain in his back as he pressed himself slightly upwards with one hand. Lifting his other hand, the dark-haired vampire gave his childe a comforting smile, then slowly and carefully pressed his hand in between their bodies, feeling his way along Spike's chest.

When he hit a certain spot, Spike growled loudly, his face shifting uncontrollably, and he made more wheezing sounds as he breathed.

Quickly removing his hand, Angel gave a growl of his own at the pain in his back, before he raised his head so that he could look Spike into his eyes.

"Good thing I don't really need it, then," Spike said around another wheeze, trying to crack a joke. "It still hurts like a bugger, though!"

"So...," Spike sighed. "We're stuck. And it's - what...like fifteen minutes to sunrise. This could be interesting."

"Fuck," Angel swore harshly when his childe reminded him about the sunrise which was coming closer by the second. Lifting his head until his neck was twisted in a painful angle, the dark-haired vampire could see the spot where the sun would rise. A few deadly rays were already peeking over the horizon.

Turning his gaze down to his childe again, Angel was surprised to find the blonde vampire chuckling bitterly underneath him.

"Well, now, isn't this just a bloody perfect way to go?" Spike asked through his bitter chuckles and small groans of pain. "Just the two of us, father and son, sire and childe, facing the sun together."

"Now is not the time to get neither poetic or depressive!" Angel said quickly, once again trying to move. Snarling loudly in pain, Angel decided against it and dimly wondered if his childe was right - if they finally were going to face death together.

No, he scolded himself, he couldn't think like that. he had to stay positive. Find a way out of this mess, and get himself and Spike to the top of the hill where Spike had his car. In the car, they'd both be in safety from the sun's rays, and they could drive home, get cleaned up, tend to each other's wounds and sort everything out.

"I know what you're thinking," Spike said in a strained, but quiet voice. "You're thinking that you can get us both out of this shite, that you just have to figure out how. That everythin' will be just peachy and all 'la-la-la' as soon as we get back in my car, and that we can sort out everything once we get back home. Right?"

Angel froze, then lifted a hand to run a finger down the side of Spike's dirt-streaked face. "Something like that," he replied.

"You may have saved the world God knows how many fucking times, but not this time! You're gonna die, and you're gonna go to hell, right next to me, Angelus!"

"I'm not gonna die!" Angel snapped, angrier than he meant to. "And neither are you! We're gonna get out of this, and we're gonna talk to Buffy and figure everything out, and then we'll finally celebrate our anniversary together like I'd planned it should have been, over a week ago!"

"Yeah, and how had you planned our anniversary?" Spike asked with a snort. "A chick-flick and a dinner for two?"

Angel groaned, part in pain, part in annoyance with his childe. He could not believe they were arguing about their love life when death was about ten minutes away.

"Yeah," Angel said angrily. "Prague! In Europe, so you wouldn't have to travel by boat, and a really nice place for you to take a trip down Memory Lane!"

Angel fell silent, looking past Spike and staring hard at the muddy ground beneath his childe's head. The only sound around them were the wheezes Spike made every time he breathed in or out.

When Spike didn't immediately say anything, Angel closed his eyes, not daring, not really wanting to open them again. He didn't know what he would see if he looked at Spike's face. Amazement, disgust, anger, sadness... Angel didn't dare to hope for love. The older vampire had almost given up hoping for an answer at all, when he heard the hushed whisper from his childe.

Lifting his head again, Angel met Spike's eyes, and the older vampire felt his heart beat a stroke as he saw the love shining brightly from the blue orbs.

Then he glanced up at the now very bright sky and sighed deeply, wincing at the pain as he did so. "I guess you were right, this time," he said, tears springing to his eyes. "I guess there's no way out of this one."

Looking past Angel's head and up at the sky, Spike shook his head. "No, I - I didn't mean that. I mean, you can get us out of this, Angel, I know you can!"

Angel met Spike's eyes and saw the tears building there. He didn't quite know what to say. A part of him wanted to hug Spike tightly and tell him everything was going to be okay, that he'd get them out of there in a second. The other part wanted him to tell Spike the truth; That there was no way he could get them free.

"I'm sorry, Will," Angel finally said, closing his eyes so he didn't have to see the heartbroken look on his childe's face.

When Spike trailed off, Angel opened his eyes again and his teary gaze met the blonde's. Lifting his hand, Spike cupped Angel's chin as a tear escaped the corner of his eye.

Angel could practically hear his heart break at the younger vampire's half-choked words, and a painful sob escaped him as a tear fell from his eye and hit Spike's forehead.

"Angel," Spike whispered, his own body shaking slightly as sobs threatened to take it over. "Will you hold me?"

Angel didn't reply, he just wrapped his arms as tightly around his childe as he could, loud, harsh sobs forcing their way to the surface. Both vampires hid their faces in the other's neck as they clung to each other and cried.

It was as if neither had fully realized that they were actually facing death together until that moment, and Angel felt his heart cry along with his eyes. Stilling his sobs slightly, Spike pulled back and scared, blue eyes met Angel's golden-brown.

"Don't be," Angel whispered back, not quite sure if he was trying to calm his childe or himself. "Death isn't the end."

Another sob escaped Spike, before the blonde shook his head slightly, his eyes never leaving Angel's.

"It's not death I'm scared of," he whispered. "It's...I'm...," he stuttered. Then he took a deep, shuttering breath as more tears rolled form his eyes, making tracks in the mud on his face. "I'm scared of ending up somewhere else. Somewhere away from you."

Tears flowing freely from his own eyes, Angel didn't even try to hold back the sobs that escaped him this time, and he bent his head to capture the blonde's lips in a tender kiss. When they broke it, Angel glanced up at the sky. The sun was barely starting to peek over the horizon, its deadly rays only a few yards away from the rocks where the two vampires lay.

"I know," Spike said, nodding, not bothering to wipe his tears away. "I think I always knew. God, if I'd done things differently..."

"No 'ifs'," Angel said quickly, placing a dirty finger to Spike's lips. The sun kept coming closer, and the two vampires embraced each other as they waited in silence. Time seemed to stop, and the only thing that existed were the blurry line of shadows that slowly came closer. And on the other side of that edge, was the sunlight.

"I'm feeling very 'Interview With A Vampire' now," Spike told Angel quietly as he saw the edge between sunlight and shadow creep over a large rock next to the two.

Their sobs had died somewhere along the way, and they were now just resting their foreheads against each other. The tears had stopped as well, leaving only streaks on their faces, through the mud.

"It's okay," Angel said, wondering why his voice didn't quiver like it had only a few minutes ago. "It's gonna be okay."

"I love you," Angel replied. "I love you, Spike, my Will, my childe. I love you for all eternity."

Pulling back slightly, Angel met Spike's eyes and without saying anything else, he bent his head and allowed their lips to meet again, in a kiss filled with pain and love and tenderness. As their eyes fell shut as one, neither vampire saw the sun touch the edge of Angel's coat, or the shimmering ghost of the Slayer that appeared on the top of the hill.

Everything the two could concentrate on, was the kiss and themselves - sire and childe, facing death together.

Buffy's scream was useless and dead to their ears as smoke started to steam from their bodies, rising towards the sky. Not even as flames engulfed the two as a result of the sun's deadly rays, did they pull back, because they did not feel them. They didn't feel the burning, and they didn't smell their own flesh as it started to crumble to dust. All they could feel was each other's lips, their kiss a final symbol of their love.

And then, the flames died and all that was left was some dust that slowly was picked up by the slight morning breeze and carried away.

The blonde Slayer-ghost remained standing on top of the hill for a long while, not sure how she should react to what she'd just seen. Then, she slowly made her way down to the rocks where the two vampires had been only a little while earlier. Her trek wasn't difficult, even on the slippery, muddy ground, her ghostly feet allowing her to float a little when she needed to.

When Buffy reached the rocks, she knelt next to the big rock that had trapped Angel and Spike, and she slowly ran a finger through the blood coating a sharp edge. Angel's blood. Turning her head to the ground, she started searching for dust, more blood, something - anything - she could keep as a reminder of her loss, but it was useless. She couldn't find a thing.

Then, her eyes fell on something - a flat rock right where Spike's head had been. On it, glimmering like diamonds in the bright morning sun, were two tears.

Buffy stared at the tears, her heart finally catching up with what had just happened, and the glittering tears that started to run down the Slayer's face were so much like the two on the rock. As the sun continued to rise in the sky, Buffy remained sitting there, crying over the two friends she'd just lost.

After minutes or hours - she didn't know - Buffy finally slowly got to her feet and walked away, the ghost once again alone in the world.