Ensouled Part Three

After taking a couple hours to catch Spike up on the past year’s highlights, Gunn had driven him to the Port Dune, where Angel had gone to meet Cordelia. They had parked Gunn’s truck and found a way down the steep bank to the rocky beach below.

"So Cordelia’s car was found and Angel's wasn't, and you're sure he didn't take her off on some roman holiday. You know he used to disappear with Darla for months and never leave so much as a bloody coachman on the doorstep."

"No, I'm sure it wasn't like that. From the look on Angel's face while he was on the phone with Cordy, their plans were fairly immediate, as in no need to get a room." Gunn had had months to get used to the idea that the sparring going on in the hotel’s basement between Angel and Cordelia had done more than work their muscles, but he knew Angel wasn't one to leave the hotel for long if he could help it.

"Yeah, that sounds like Angel, I mean, he never exactly feared public displays of emotion." Spike fought back flashes of his Sire taking Drusilla right in front of him night after night, daring Spike to comment, daring him to make the slightest gesture that it bothered him.

"You still here buddy?" Gunn stared at Spike, trying to figure out if it bothered him or comforted him that he shared so many of Angel's mannerisms. Angel had always drifted out of the room during conversations without ever taking a step.

"Pretty much. Fred was diggin’ around in the kitchen for something, I was on the phone trying to explain to some woman that we weren’t the House of Pancakes, I turn around and he's gone. An’ we ain’t seen him since."

Spike tried to take in the pier, tried to get some scent of Angel, but after months he knew it would be impossible. He dug around in the rocks for a minute trying to think of an explanation. He just couldn't put the pieces together, he had to find Angel. Without Angel what was the point? He hadn’t fought for the soul just for himself, certainly not just for Buffy. He wanted to see Angel, he wanted to show Angel that he was redeemable too.

"Let’s go a bit further down the pier, maybe by the boats. I get the feeling someone has to know more than their telling. Someone had to have seen something. Even Angel's son..." Spike still had to laugh as he said it. "Even Connor couldn't have been strong enough to take Angel down by himself, assuming that's what we’re all thinking happened here."

"The thought had crossed my mind. I mean, the only father the kid’s ever known takes off and you're just gonna jump into daddy’s arms, I don't think so. It was too fast, I was getting a weird vibe off him that night and hoping it was just me."

Wesley tried to leave the room, but the phone cord wasn't long enough. Settling on a chair near his bedroom he tried to focus on his call again. "My source is sure that Spike has his soul, I really don't know what that means, just be careful, I can't even speculate on what effect that will have on his chip."

"Wesley, you are without a doubt the worst liar I have ever met. Tell Lilah ‘hi’ for me." Fred wished she could be there to see him blush. Lilah had put an abrupt end to her crush on Angel when she returned from Pilea. Something about watching her and Angel, well Angel's body at least, waxing Wesley’s desk had been a big turn-off. Fred just hoped she could return the favor someday.

Spike and Gunn had reached the nearest docking point, which was only about half a mile down the beach from Point Dume. Gunn had talked to many of the people who kept their boats moored along the three wooden piers. None of them had been helpful in the least, no one saw anything on the beaches at night because the only people on the beach at night didn't want to be seen. Spike had been adamant about asking more people, sniffing around for something he and Fred had missed before.

Fred had called to let him know Wolfram & Hart had been sniffing around the docks too. Almost as soon as Angel had disappeared Lilah had sent a cleaning crew to the pier to find out what people knew, they hadn’t had any luck either. Gunn decided to ask her where she had managed to find out the juicy details of Lilah’s search later, he had a feeling Wesley was involved and that was a door he wasn't in the mood to open just then. Doing detective work with Spike was trying enough on it's own. He was rude to everyone they talked to, and the other half could barely understand him.

Spike had become more aggravated each time he heard the phrase ‘can’t help you’. He had a feeling more people were out here at night than wanted to admit it. After asking most of the people if they remembered anyone they didn't recognize on the pier that night they began to walk up and down each row of boats and snoop a little. It was nearing midnight and the few men left were sitting on their docks drinking beers and joking, not paying much attention to Gunn and Spike's investigations.

They were just about to give up when Spike caught the faintest scent of myrtle. His nose would have recognized the soft scent anywhere, it screamed Angel to him. They were near a small fishing boat with no name. The pair quietly boarded it, trying to not raise the suspicions of the men sitting on the other boats in the harbor.

The deck was filthy and the entire boat was in need of repair. On the portside they found a few tattered nets, but that wasn't what had caught Spike's eye. Under a small blue tarp he had found a handful of nuts and bolts mixed with some brazing wires, used for welding.

"It seems to me that nobody cares whether this ship sinks or not, so why would they go through the trouble to bring fresh bolts and steel on deck?" Spike pointed to a few sheets of metal and the bright silver on the hardware in his hand.

"Someone brought something else on board to fix up, and since I can smell Angel's blood on this deck, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was the kid. Question is, what did they do with him?" Spike stared out at the blackness of the sea and shuddered. "That’s an awfully big ocean."

"Great, so how do we find out if Connor and his mystery accomplice bought gas for this pile of rot two months ago? Somehow this feels like square one." Spike was getting tired and upset, never a good combination.

"You're looking a bit wiped, and I know I could sleep, whatcha say we call it a night and see what we can find out tomorrow?" Gunn hopped the side of the boat back onto the dock expecting the vampire to follow.

The first sensation had been the salt water rushing into the gash in his side. The burning had been excruciating. At first he had gasped for air he did not need. The sensation of water filling his lungs, being unable to exhale it had been unbearable for weeks. Angel laughed in his head. Weeks, he had no idea how long he had been at the bottom of the ocean. He didn't even know where he was.

They had only been on the boat for a matter of moments. Connor and Justine had thrown his dazed body into the thick metal box and bolted him down before he woke from the tazer’s shocks. Angel had been so dazed by Connor’s betrayal he hadn’t even tried to fight as they plunged him into the freezing water. He had told Connor he forgave him and to forgive himself when he learned that Angel had not killed Holtz.

Angel had wanted to kill Holtz, he had taken his son and turned him against him. Angel had not wanted to hear his apology any more than he imagined Holtz wanted to hear his. Angel had murdered Holtz’s family. No. Worse than murder, he had taken his wife again and again, leaving just enough blood in her veins to keep her alive throughout his torture, he had watched Darla turn Holtz’s only daughter into a vampire, they had drained his infant son and laid the three of them out like Christmas presents. And still, after two centuries, Angel wanted to kill Daniel Holtz, wanted to feel him go limp in his arms. But Angel's soul had won that battle. He had let him live. He had trusted him to do the right thing. To walk away. To leave him what was left of his son’s life. He had not expected the old man to have any other tricks up his sleeve, but he now knew the truth. He had either killed himself or had his clueless wench do it for him.

Angel could still hear Justine’s voice, it grated on him, tore his brain to little pieces, even as the small fish had climbed through the openings in his underwater coffin and began to nibble at his flesh. He heard her taunting him, telling Connor he was a monster, that he had killed his father. Father. Angel now knew Holtz had only kept Connor alive in the Quor’Toth dimension to bring him back to LA. Holtz’s final revenge, to make his own son kill him. To turn his only child so against him that he would plunge him into the ocean, to live a life without sun nor shadow. An eternity in darkness.

Angel's thoughts passed from Connor to Cordelia, whom he loved, to memories of Darla’s final sacrifice. She had taken her own life so that Connor would survive, but Angel could not think of her for very long without his thoughts drifting through decades and centuries he wanted to forget. He dreamt of Drusilla, of his family, Buffy. And Spike. Angel knew this was his penance for a dozen lifetimes of torture.

Darla had been so sure at the end that they would never make amends and he knew that she was right. There was no amount of good that would miraculously save his soul. Nothing he could do to end his suffering. There was no reason he should expect to. Prophecies and Shanshu aside, he was a demon soul or not, the evil resided in him still. He had felt the rage on his demon when Connor had first been taken. He had nearly tortured Linwood to death, he had wanted to, he had felt the monster screaming within him to embrace it. When Angel had gone to see Wesley in the hospital after Justine had slit his throat, he wanted to take his life. Angel had wanted to make sure Wes knew it was not the demon killing him, it was the man. It had seemed so important at the time. Time.


	The Adventures of Captain Peroxide and Deadboy The Angel/Spike Zone of the BtVS Writer's Guild Home Updates Stories Resources Extras News Music Forum Contact Guestbook Links Full Version Fiction by: Title Author Pairing Rating Ensouled Part III - Pieces Author: Tania Summary: Spike comes to LA looking for Angel, together they try and figure out what it means to be Ensouled. Rating: Mainly R/NC-17 Pairings: Angel/Spike, Angelus/William, Lilah/Wesley, Buffy/Spike implied, Angel(us)/Darla Implied Timeline: Runs the gamut Disclaimer: Joss created my darling boys, I just let them run around in my head until they must come out. Distribution: Please ask, although why you would want to house a 41,674 word long story is beyond me. Feedback: Please, by all means, Email Tania After taking a couple hours to catch Spike up on the past year’s highlights, Gunn had driven him to the Port Dune, where Angel had gone to meet Cordelia. They had parked Gunn’s truck and found a way down the steep bank to the rocky beach below. "So Cordelia’s car was found and Angel's wasn't, and you're sure he didn't take her off on some roman holiday. You know he used to disappear with Darla for months and never leave so much as a bloody coachman on the doorstep." "No, I'm sure it wasn't like that. From the look on Angel's face while he was on the phone with Cordy, their plans were fairly immediate, as in no need to get a room." Gunn had had months to get used to the idea that the sparring going on in the hotel’s basement between Angel and Cordelia had done more than work their muscles, but he knew Angel wasn't one to leave the hotel for long if he could help it. "Yeah, that sounds like Angel, I mean, he never exactly feared public displays of emotion." Spike fought back flashes of his Sire taking Drusilla right in front of him night after night, daring Spike to comment, daring him to make the slightest gesture that it bothered him. "You still here buddy?" Gunn stared at Spike, trying to figure out if it bothered him or comforted him that he shared so many of Angel's mannerisms. Angel had always drifted out of the room during conversations without ever taking a step. "Um, yes, here. Okay, so I'm not clear on where Angel's little devil-spawn plays into all of this. You and the missus are babysitting him and he just vanishes?" "Pretty much. Fred was diggin’ around in the kitchen for something, I was on the phone trying to explain to some woman that we weren’t the House of Pancakes, I turn around and he's gone. An’ we ain’t seen him since." Spike tried to take in the pier, tried to get some scent of Angel, but after months he knew it would be impossible. He dug around in the rocks for a minute trying to think of an explanation. He just couldn't put the pieces together, he had to find Angel. Without Angel what was the point? He hadn’t fought for the soul just for himself, certainly not just for Buffy. He wanted to see Angel, he wanted to show Angel that he was redeemable too. "Let’s go a bit further down the pier, maybe by the boats. I get the feeling someone has to know more than their telling. Someone had to have seen something. Even Angel's son..." Spike still had to laugh as he said it. "Even Connor couldn't have been strong enough to take Angel down by himself, assuming that's what we’re all thinking happened here." "The thought had crossed my mind. I mean, the only father the kid’s ever known takes off and you're just gonna jump into daddy’s arms, I don't think so. It was too fast, I was getting a weird vibe off him that night and hoping it was just me." "Okay, so agreeing on Connor as the little bad here. Let’s check the dock, shake up the locals a bit." *** "Wesley, do I want to know how you found all of this out?" Fred asked quietly into the phone. "Probably not." Wesley threw a quick glance at Lilah who was back on the couch arguing with the television, Law & Order as usual. "Give me a break, you call that a closing argument! I've had better arguments using nothing but my fingers!" Wesley tried to leave the room, but the phone cord wasn't long enough. Settling on a chair near his bedroom he tried to focus on his call again. "My source is sure that Spike has his soul, I really don't know what that means, just be careful, I can't even speculate on what effect that will have on his chip." "My god, who is this blonde chippy?" "Who is that yelling?" "Oh it's the..the maid, all this reading takes up a lot of time, I can't be bothered with the cleaning, she found a picture of my, um sister at Halloween." "Wesley, you are without a doubt the worst liar I have ever met. Tell Lilah ‘hi’ for me." Fred wished she could be there to see him blush. Lilah had put an abrupt end to her crush on Angel when she returned from Pilea. Something about watching her and Angel, well Angel's body at least, waxing Wesley’s desk had been a big turn-off. Fred just hoped she could return the favor someday. "How did you.." "Bring back the brunette, we need more Texans on this show!" "Alright, so clearly it's Lilah. She’s just here to fill in a few details that she was privy to and I wasn't." "Wesley, it's none of my business who you have in your apartment. Even if she is an evil b-i-t-c-h." Fred smiled to herself, "I'll call Charles and let him know about William." "Spike, Fred. Don’t be fooled, he is a demon, ensouled or not, Spike was just as vicious as Angelus. Promise me you won’t let your guard down around him." "I promise Wesley. I'll talk to you later, okay." "Alright, goodbye." "Guilty, and you call yourself a lawyer?" Fred giggled and hung up the phone. "I guess we all get ours in the end." She said to no one in particular. * Spike and Gunn had reached the nearest docking point, which was only about half a mile down the beach from Point Dume. Gunn had talked to many of the people who kept their boats moored along the three wooden piers. None of them had been helpful in the least, no one saw anything on the beaches at night because the only people on the beach at night didn't want to be seen. Spike had been adamant about asking more people, sniffing around for something he and Fred had missed before. Fred had called to let him know Wolfram & Hart had been sniffing around the docks too. Almost as soon as Angel had disappeared Lilah had sent a cleaning crew to the pier to find out what people knew, they hadn’t had any luck either. Gunn decided to ask her where she had managed to find out the juicy details of Lilah’s search later, he had a feeling Wesley was involved and that was a door he wasn't in the mood to open just then. Doing detective work with Spike was trying enough on it's own. He was rude to everyone they talked to, and the other half could barely understand him. Spike had become more aggravated each time he heard the phrase ‘can’t help you’. He had a feeling more people were out here at night than wanted to admit it. After asking most of the people if they remembered anyone they didn't recognize on the pier that night they began to walk up and down each row of boats and snoop a little. It was nearing midnight and the few men left were sitting on their docks drinking beers and joking, not paying much attention to Gunn and Spike's investigations. They were just about to give up when Spike caught the faintest scent of myrtle. His nose would have recognized the soft scent anywhere, it screamed Angel to him. They were near a small fishing boat with no name. The pair quietly boarded it, trying to not raise the suspicions of the men sitting on the other boats in the harbor. The deck was filthy and the entire boat was in need of repair. On the portside they found a few tattered nets, but that wasn't what had caught Spike's eye. Under a small blue tarp he had found a handful of nuts and bolts mixed with some brazing wires, used for welding. "Eh, Gunn, you see any fresh welds on this boat?" Spike asked. "Don’t see any, why?" came the reply from inside the small cabin area. "It seems to me that nobody cares whether this ship sinks or not, so why would they go through the trouble to bring fresh bolts and steel on deck?" Spike pointed to a few sheets of metal and the bright silver on the hardware in his hand. "Seems to me they wouldn't." "Someone brought something else on board to fix up, and since I can smell Angel's blood on this deck, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was the kid. Question is, what did they do with him?" Spike stared out at the blackness of the sea and shuddered. "That’s an awfully big ocean." Gunn came out of the cabin to join Spike. "Tanks still almost all the way full. If they didn't refuel when they got back here, they couldn't have gone very far." "Great, so how do we find out if Connor and his mystery accomplice bought gas for this pile of rot two months ago? Somehow this feels like square one." Spike was getting tired and upset, never a good combination. "You're looking a bit wiped, and I know I could sleep, whatcha say we call it a night and see what we can find out tomorrow?" Gunn hopped the side of the boat back onto the dock expecting the vampire to follow. "You go on, I'll meet you back at the hotel." Spike said without looking away from the ocean. "What are you going to do?" Gunn asked. "I'm going fishing." * The first sensation had been the salt water rushing into the gash in his side. The burning had been excruciating. At first he had gasped for air he did not need. The sensation of water filling his lungs, being unable to exhale it had been unbearable for weeks. Angel laughed in his head. Weeks, he had no idea how long he had been at the bottom of the ocean. He didn't even know where he was. They had only been on the boat for a matter of moments. Connor and Justine had thrown his dazed body into the thick metal box and bolted him down before he woke from the tazer’s shocks. Angel had been so dazed by Connor’s betrayal he hadn’t even tried to fight as they plunged him into the freezing water. He had told Connor he forgave him and to forgive himself when he learned that Angel had not killed Holtz. Angel had wanted to kill Holtz, he had taken his son and turned him against him. Angel had not wanted to hear his apology any more than he imagined Holtz wanted to hear his. Angel had murdered Holtz’s family. No. Worse than murder, he had taken his wife again and again, leaving just enough blood in her veins to keep her alive throughout his torture, he had watched Darla turn Holtz’s only daughter into a vampire, they had drained his infant son and laid the three of them out like Christmas presents. And still, after two centuries, Angel wanted to kill Daniel Holtz, wanted to feel him go limp in his arms. But Angel's soul had won that battle. He had let him live. He had trusted him to do the right thing. To walk away. To leave him what was left of his son’s life. He had not expected the old man to have any other tricks up his sleeve, but he now knew the truth. He had either killed himself or had his clueless wench do it for him. Angel could still hear Justine’s voice, it grated on him, tore his brain to little pieces, even as the small fish had climbed through the openings in his underwater coffin and began to nibble at his flesh. He heard her taunting him, telling Connor he was a monster, that he had killed his father. Father. Angel now knew Holtz had only kept Connor alive in the Quor’Toth dimension to bring him back to LA. Holtz’s final revenge, to make his own son kill him. To turn his only child so against him that he would plunge him into the ocean, to live a life without sun nor shadow. An eternity in darkness. Angel's thoughts passed from Connor to Cordelia, whom he loved, to memories of Darla’s final sacrifice. She had taken her own life so that Connor would survive, but Angel could not think of her for very long without his thoughts drifting through decades and centuries he wanted to forget. He dreamt of Drusilla, of his family, Buffy. And Spike. Angel knew this was his penance for a dozen lifetimes of torture. Darla had been so sure at the end that they would never make amends and he knew that she was right. There was no amount of good that would miraculously save his soul. Nothing he could do to end his suffering. There was no reason he should expect to. Prophecies and Shanshu aside, he was a demon soul or not, the evil resided in him still. He had felt the rage on his demon when Connor had first been taken. He had nearly tortured Linwood to death, he had wanted to, he had felt the monster screaming within him to embrace it. When Angel had gone to see Wesley in the hospital after Justine had slit his throat, he wanted to take his life. Angel had wanted to make sure Wes knew it was not the demon killing him, it was the man. It had seemed so important at the time. Time. Angel had nothing but time. *** Part Four Have wondered how it would all end. Copyright 2002 - Tania Violators will be beaten to death with a shovel (A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend)