Ensouled Part Fifteen - Facing mortality

The Adventures of Captain Peroxide and Deadboy

The Angel/Spike Zone of the BtVS Writer's Guild

Chapter XV - Facing Mortality

Summary: Spike comes to LA looking for Angel, together they try and figure out what it means to be Ensouled.

Rating: Mainly R/NC-17

Pairings: Angel/Spike, Angelus/William, Lilah/Wesley, Buffy/Spike implied, Angel(us)/Darla Implied

Timeline: Runs the gamut

Disclaimer: Joss created my darling boys, I just let them run around in my head until they must come out.

Distribution: Please ask, although why you would want to house a 41,674 word long story is beyond me.

Feedback: Please, by all means, Email Tania

The loud buzzing from her desk startled Lilah out of her thoughts, it also made her jump which she hated.

"Ms. Morgan. There’s a call for you on line three."

"Thank you, Erica." Lilah quickly grabbed the phone with a slender hand and shifted in her seat.

"Miss Morgan. This is Anne from Shady Creek." Oh great, chipper Anne. Just what she needed at the end of a very trying day.

"It's Ms. Is something wrong?"

"Well, Ms. Morgan, it's your mother. She’s been having a rough day and we thought you would want to know."

"Look Anne, I’m having a bit of a rough day too. Could you be a little more specific. Is the dementia worse today?" Lilah dreaded calls about her mother nearly as much as calls from her mother. It seemed like forever since her mother had been healthy enough to even remember her. She called every few days because Lilah was on the speed dial in her room. She usually started conversations with ‘Do I know you, I feel like I should.’ Lilah sometimes wondered if her mother had ever really been healthy. She was never strong like Lilah was. Even as a child, Lilah always thought of her mother as frail. To tired to hold a conversation, to weak to cry in pain, to pained to smile.

"Well, dementia is what it is Ms. Morgan, some days are better. I’m afraid your mother is showing some signs of exhaustion as well. We’ve restricted her activities and tried giving her a beneficial diet, but she won’t eat. What I would like to do is give her a mild sedative and administer some IV fluids. If you could just give your consent, we’ll get her feeling right as rain in no time."

"Right as rain, huh? Fine, do whatever you need to. Just make her better."

"You know, Ms. Morgan, I don't mean to press, but you may want to come see her soon. In my experience with these older people, often just seeing a child will brighten their spirits. It gives them a reason to live knowing that people who love them are still around."

"Let me ask you something, Anne. Do you think a woman who doesn’t even know she has children, doesn’t remember ever having been married, doesn’t have any idea she was ever loved really want to live?" Lilah fought the tears that clouded her eyes.

"Are you suggesting we not help your mother get better? I don't see a D.N.R. form in her file."

"No, I’m not, I just...Just make her better." Lilah hung up the phone and buried her face in her hands.

"Shit, Wesley." Lilah grabbed a tissue from her desk and wiped her eyes. "You bastard."

"What did I do? I know you don't even pretend to care enough about me to cry." Wesley looked at her rumpled form. "Or any other human I've ever met." He said more quietly.

"What are you doing here?" Lilah put on her fakest smile and motioned for him to sit down as she adjusted her blouse, trying in vain to work out the day‘s wrinkles.

"Well, you’ve been trying to get me to come down here for months, I thought I'd indulge you." In truth, Wesley had just wanted to see if he could walk right into Wolfram & Hart. He had. He’d not even been asked for I.D. by the rather gigantic security guard. The giant had barely looked at Wesley’s jean-clad body. Not cared that he was wearing only a gray t-shirt and carried no briefcase. He’d just been waved through like they'd been expecting him for weeks.

"Great. Well, this is my office, not yours."

"No, I didn't imagine it was." Wesley sat down in a rather uncomfortable chair and crossed his legs.

"Yours is next door." Lilah stood up and went to the door. "Want to see it?"

"Surely, you're kidding." Wesley said, turning to face her, but not standing.

"Wesley, there are two things I don't do. Kid, and cry over men." She opened the door and stepped into the hallway. "Come on."

Intrigued, Wesley followed her. Sure enough the next door in the hallway said Wesley Wyndham-Pryce on the door in brass letters. "A bit pretentious, don't you think?"

"Yep." Lilah opened the door, revealing an office nearly as big as her own. On the far wall there were four floor to ceiling bookshelves housing an immense collection of ancient volumes and texts. A large desk sat near the windows, neatly arranged as if someone had just stepped out for a meeting. There were fresh pencils, notebooks, a phone which was already blinking that there were messages. "It's all yours, all you have to do is sign on the dotted line."

"Really Lilah? That’s all. Oh, if that's all sign me up." Wesley smiled at her as he took a seat in the leather chair that sat behind the desk. "Oh that's right, there's the signing away of one’s soul, swearing out your unborn children. Am I forgetting anything?"

"Yeah, everyone has to bring a main dish to the company potluck." Lilah sat down as well.

"Well, that is the deciding factor then. I abhor potlucks. Unless someone brings Reuben sandwiches, just love those, you know?" Wesley flipped through the papers on his desk, pausing when he found a stack of papers with his name on the letterhead. He held one out to Lilah, which she took.

"What can I say, Wolfram & Hart is very eager to have you on board. You wouldn't have to worry about money, benefits are great." Lilah stood up and walked behind the desk. "There are other perks Wesley." She rolled his name off her tongue as she reached across his chest and pressed a small red button under the desk. Instantly one of the bookshelves began to turn, opening a doorway into Lilah’s office.

Wesley took her by the hips and pulled up on the thin wool material that made up her very short skirt. He placed her atop the desk, reaching behind her to push some of the larger items onto the floor. Lilah in turn pulled at his t-shirt, stretching the gray cloth over his head. Wesley leaned over and took her deep red lips into his mouth and pressed her further back onto the desk. Lilah kissed down the side of Wesley’s neck, running her tongue along the scar the sliced through it's left side.

"You know, there is a divan." Wesley said nodding his head in the direction of the plush couch across the room. Lilah moved her kisses back to his mouth. "Oh, I forgot, you have a thing for my desk." He said into the warmth of her kiss. "Uh-huh." Came a muffled reply as Lilah’s hands snaked over his exposed chest and found the buttons of his jeans.

"Mmm, Lilah?" Wesley whispered into her ear as she released him.

"Who was on the phone?"

Fred was pacing the small office waving her hands in the air as she counted off on her fingers. Gunn had tried to follow what she was saying for the first couple hours, but the last few hours had gotten less and less cohesive. She had gone from working the numbers aloud to counting the different locations the computer had spit out to working the odds of getting Cordelia back this week.

"That is it. I am just going to go up there." Fred took off for the stairs at a near run and barreled into Spike. "Oh yay! I am so glad to see you."

"Wow, don't hear that very often." Spike removed her from his waist and nodded to Gunn. "Morning."

"It's almost seven. Evening." Gunn corrected.

"Well, you say tomato, yada yada." Spike waved a hand in the air and headed for the refrigerator in the back office. "Need some blood." He said over his shoulder.

"Spike, I need to talk to Angel." Fred said following the vampire into the office.

"Pet, you do know where he is, correct? Feel free to dance that lovely little ass right up the stairs and knock on his door. You don't need my permission to have an audience with the ponce." Spike grabbed a handful of bags and shut the refrigerator.

"I just didn't know if he was, you know?"

"Nope, you lost me, if he was what?" Spike asked.

"Well, he hasn't been exactly talkative since you brought him back, and I wasn't sure how he was adjusting then you two spent all day up in his room together, and I didn't know if he wanted to hear about Cordy, and then Connor went and locked himself in his room after talking to you, and Wesley isn’t home, so I don't know what he's found out and I think I made Charles a little crazy with my babbling."

"I can't imagine how?" Spike set the blood down on the counter and stopped walking. "Okay, Love, what’s on your mind?"

"Oh." Fred laughed. "Too much."

"Yeah, I get that. What can I do to help?" Spike rested against the counter.

"Well, I think I've figured out where Cordelia is, and Wesley was trying to find a way to reach her using.."

"The Oracle of Pythia," Spike interrupted, "I got that from little brother."

"Little brother, haha, I never thought about. Um Ok, so I think that if we can get this oracle to communicate with Cordy and she wants to come back I think I've figured out how to get her back." Fred brushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear and continued. "Here’s the part that I need Angel for, and probably you too. Wesley found some references to the Axis of Pythia that said it may be an actual physical object, not just an equation."

"And you need us to get it?" Spike nodded. "Just point the way."

"Well, we haven’t exactly found it yet."

"Right then, keep me posted." Spike picked the bags of blood up and made for the lobby.

"Spike, please wait." Fred reached out for his arm.

"I wanted to ask you, um, something personal." Fred squirmed in her spot a little looking for the right words.

"Okay." Spike crossed the room and put the bags back in the fridge. "Can tell this isn’t going to be a yes no conversation. Is it?"

"Nope, I guess not." Fred took a seat, hoping Spike would join her. "I just have so many questions, and I don't really know where to start. Oh, is Angel waiting for you to bring him some blood?"

"He’ll be fine. Probably still sleeping." Spike found a chair and moved it closer to Fred. "So where d’you want to start?"

"With your name. If you don't mind?"

"Your Q & A pet, you get to pick."

"Alright, when you called, the first time, you said your name was William, but now it's Spike, I wanted to know which you prefer."

"That’s a bit of a tickler. Everybody back in Sunnydale calls me Spike, except Buffy when she’s dumping me, but that's my own issue. Thing is, to Angelus, I was pretty much always William. Last time I saw him, he called me Spike a few times, but it was pretty much still William when Dru wasn't around. So, you see, when I called, all I wanted was Angel. Getting your soul back can do some pretty sodding big numbers on you, which I’m sure you noticed with the walking brood-machine around. When I left Africa I had two things on my mind. Spike, who had a whole lot of shit to make up for, to Buffy, to Angel, to pretty much every continent other than Antarctica. And William, who loved Buffy enough to try an’ toss Spike right out of the bloody picture. An’ William who loved Angelus for a hundred years and couldn't see him, couldn't touch him."

"Oh..." A certain amount of recognition went through the brunette’s eyes. "So you came looking for Angelus."

"No, don't get me wrong, Angelus is long gone, and more power to the powers for doing it. I wanted to find Angel, cause I've done him plenty wrong over the last few years. I took out my frustrations with Angelus on him more than once. I just wanted to see him, see if he would know that William was, is a part of me." Spike laughed. "I had no idea I'd have to fight an ocean just to get a chance to see him. I wasn't expecting him to be in love, since we all know how ugly that can get. I really wasn't expecting his little social circle to include the lot of you and a child. It's been quite eye opening."

"It's been a strange year, that's for sure. This time last year I was trying to perfect bark enchiladas and now I’m having a meaningful conversation with a vampire."

"Life’s funny that way. So what’s next on your list?"

"Women I suppose." Fred couldn't help but stare into Spike's eyes. He seemed to leave their blueness behind and go to some other world when he began to speak.

"Women are a pretty vague topic, bloody women have been causing your boss and I trouble for a couple centuries." Spike was getting hungry and decided to make his answer short and sweet. "Angel is in love with Cordelia. Period. Me being here doesn’t change that. Despite the occasional pre-orgasmic suggestion, he's all hers. And really, the same goes for me. I’m not staying in LA, place just doesn’t agree with me. I’m going to have to go back to SunnyD and deal with the slayer. She’ll probably stake me on sight, but I have to try. I can't even..." He broke off.

"You love Buffy." Fred could see it in his eyes. Love and pain, the two emotions she saw in Angel's eyes most when she looked at him. That combination that seemed to be invented just for vampires with souls.

"I do. I love her, and I hate her, and I want to bleed her until she’s nothing but bones, and I bloody love her. She’s got a lot going on, and it's been a while since I've seen her now. Buffy has a tendency to jump on the first body she sees the moment she gets lonely. Chances are when I go back, she'll have already moved back and it will all be a moot point."

"You don't really believe that. If there's one thing I've learned about Buffy since being here, it's that men don't stop loving her. I've never met her, so I don't know why, but she must have some pretty strong powers, that or she’s.." Fred laughed at her wicked little thought.

"She’s a hell of a shag." Spike laughed too. "It's a quite a treat. Funny too, at first I was so disturbed to even be thinking of her. Angelus tortured me with stories of her. The first time he bagged her, the way she tasted, the way she smelled, the way she fought. It was all he ever talked about. And I swear, by the time I left Sunnydale, the first time, she was all I could think about. I wanted to kill her so bad, just so I could stop thinking about her. Then I got the bleeding chip, and I started to think maybe killing her wouldn't be such a good idea, I was in love with her. She’d never believe it mind you, but then she died and when she came back, she knew it was true. I kept wondering if in Heaven you don't get to spy on people, see into their hearts, maybe know the truth that lies there."

"When she came back she believed you, then?" Fred interjected.

"She knew it was true, she didn't want to believe it, but she had too. Then it just happened, like an explosion, she let me in. In to her bleedin’ little circle. Made me feel like I belonged, came to me every night, every day, wanting more. She was never satisfied, never enough shagging, never enough sparring. It reminded me of life with Angelus really. Always some new adventure, couldn't ever just sit still. You were either sleeping, shagging or feeding. There was no down time. Angelus rarely pondered, he just did. He just was. It was beautiful, the command he had, and frightening. Buffy has that too. That power, she could kill me a thousand times if she ever tried, but she never really tried."

"I'd say that's a lot frightening. A slayer that doesn’t try to kill the vampires."

"Oh she kills THE vampires, just not me. Or Angel, or Drusilla for that matter. She would have killed Darla, if Angel hadn’t, the first time I mean, but I think anyone who ever met Darla would have staked her given the chance." Spike closed his eyes and tried to come back to the present. "Okay, Mrs. Rather, time for the last question, daddy’ll be getting a bit peckish soon."

"Shanshu free thanks."

"But Angel isn’t. Even if you have a soul you don't have the prophecies, you don't have the Shanshu. You’ll never be mortal again."

"Maybe, but how do you know?"

"Because the prophecies are about Angel.’

"But, how do you know."

"Because Angel is the vampire with a soul, he's the only...He’s not the only one Spike." Fred jumped up.

"Throws a kink in your day, doesn’t it?" Spike stood up as well and gave the now mildly frantic woman a short hug. "Don’t worry peaches, I’m sure you're all safe. The prophecies have to be about Angel, can you imagine me atoning, not likely. Angel's the good guy here. Someday he may be mortal, I have no idea. All I know is that I’m not really about to start wearing a cape and saving the world." Spike went to the refrigerator for the third time, determined to make it the last time that day.

"Besides," he said from inside the fridge, "can you imagine what they'd call us?"

"Call who?" Fred asked.

"Angel and me," Spike stood all the way up. "Captain Peroxide and Deadboy, makes me want to heave."

Have wondered how it would all end.

Violators will be beaten to death with a shovel

(A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend)